Not going to kids party after accepting invitation

[Donkeydoodles]

My 4 year old was invited to 'Child A's' birthday party the other week. I know the mum from a group of mums I hang about with but our kids don't really know each other. It was very kind of her to invite my daughter and we accepted.

In the mean time my daughter has been invited to a nursery friend's party (Child B). This is someone she's good friends with and she's desperate to go.

I think we should probably go to Child B's party as she barely knows Child A and we were probably only invited out of politeness as all the mums socialise. Child A probably won't be disappointed that my daughter isn't at her party, as she probably doesn't actually know who she is! However, I feel it's pretty poor form to now say we can't go to because we essentially 'got a better offer'.

I really like Child A's mum and don't want to be a d*ck. Is it unreasonable to tell her we can't come because we've been invited to another party?

[TatianaLarina]

don't see how weighing up two options and trying to look at things from multiple points of view makes me such a terrible person.

I sympathise OP. A lot of people on this forum are socially incompetent/introverted/socially anxious.

This thread is really peculiar.

If a mum whose DD my DD barely knew told me she was in a fix as she’d accepted our invite but had been cross-invited by one of her DD’s bfs, I’d just say of course she should go to that. No worries at all.

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

It is fine to decline politely ..I would say to mum A I am really sorry we arent going to be able to make the party,Be kind and send a card and prezzie as you would have done the day before at school.

[Brefugee]

This is exactly the kind of attitude that leads to our current crop of flaky adults. It's all about instant gratification.

agree with this. In the olden days we agreed and went. I noticed as my DC were growing up that they couldn't even arrange to meet anywhere, because I'd be on the way and they'd say "oh mum, we'Re not meeting at X now because Y is still getting ready so we're going to Y's house" sometimes twice in a very short journey.

It's bloody rude.

However. OP - how about mentioning to B's mum that there's a clash? and if she doesn't want to change, come clean to A and say your daughter would rather go to B's party and why.

[ThatMuppetShow]

It is fine to decline politely
absolutely.
But that ship has sailed, the OP has already accepted.

[Donkeydoodles]

ThatMuppetShow

Actually if I was Child A's mum, I'd be fine with it, as Child A wouldn't be disappointed that a child she barely knows isn't there.

However, I realise that not everyone thinks in the same way as me, hence I'm looking for other people's opinions. I guess being able to weigh up alternative viewpoints is lost on you though...

[Irisloulou]

The first accepted offer.

Bad manners otherwise.

[Lizzie0869]

don't see how weighing up two options and trying to look at things from multiple points of view makes me such a terrible person.

Exactly. It would only be rude if you actually pulled out without telling her., that's something that some parents do and it's extremely bad form. I personally wouldn't even be offended if you explained to me your dilemma, as it's one I can understand very well.

It's certainly not rude to be considering this, as the mum of child A doesn't know the OP has this dilemma.

[springcomeround]

stick to child a’s Party , teach your child what the right thing to do is - organise a play date with child b

[MadeForThis]

If you go to child B'a party could your other friends follow suit? That could really effect numbers.

Honestly I would get someone else to take dd to child b's party. Offer to help out at your friends party.

Be honest though.

[BentBastard]

Of course you go to the party you accepted.

The fact that so many people are suggesting you let down child A explains my daughters wash out party recently where several attendees suddenly realised they were double booked (aka had a better offer). It's shitty, but then people are shitty.

[NarwhalsNarwhals]

Is child B's party at home too? You said there might be a few people affected, it might be worth mentioning the clash to both parents.

DD and a girl in her class had birthdays a few days apart so often had parties the same Saturday, we used to work round each other.

[ThatMuppetShow]

I think when it's a child party ,it's horrible. It's a big thing for them, it's not just one party among many.

If people decline from the start, fine, you can invite the "reserve" list, you can make other plans, it's easy to solve.
Once they have accepted, you've secured the party -whatever you've booked - it's much harder.

I can't understand why anyone think it's perfectly fine to go to a better offer. Don't accept the 1st invitation in the first place if you don't like it!

[TatianaLarina]

It’s not a question of being a better offer. The issue that it is a close friend whereas the OP’s DD doesn’t really know A’s DD.

[Halo1234]

I agree with go to child A party. Buy both a small present. And invite child b for a play day.

[Wonkybanana]

I don't think I can make up a BS excuse because other mums in our group will know about Child B's party.

So if your DD goes to B's party instead, there's a good chance the other mums will find out. And then you might discover that there aren't as many invitations coming DD's way if they think you're someone who will accept then not go if there's a better offer later.

[BlouseAndSkirt]

Fudge it. "Aaargh, reallly sorry, I have only just realised that that Saturday is nursery friends party - sorry I have double booked ourselves" and send card and small present.
Then invite that friend and her Dd over for a coffee and play sometime.

[Nonnymum]

I would tell the Mum the truth. Apologise and say you would hav elives to have gone to the party but your child has been invited to her best friends party and is desperate to go.

[howabout]

BlouseAndSkirt has it.

Much better way for two 4 year olds to get to know each other than when the b'day girl is overwhelmed at her party and your DD is perplexed at celebrating at a party for a girl she doesn't know.

[LittleDancers]

I'd tell Mum A the truth. I had the same once, I sent out invites to a party and got declines back because (mutual child) was having a party and it clashed. I moved my child's party once it became apparent there was more than one or two already accepted for the other party. I was happier to know this than just having a load of declines with different excuses rather than being told there was another party on. I might have thought my child was majorly unpopular otherwise! I know it's a bit different because you have already accepted but still I think it's better to be informed sometimes, especially if there's a few others who might follow suit.

[Applesanbananas]

Honestly dont tie yourself in knots over this. Tell the mum your dd is now only talking about B birthday and will be gutted if she doesnt go. She invited you out of politeness in any case. The point here is it's not the same as your child accepting an invite and then dropping it for something better. Its you who chose for her and be honest, you just dont want to be in bad books with the mum. It is not for your daughters benefit to make her go to A party.

[MrsNoMopp]

If you see someone as unimportant and cancellable, it's probably best not to accept their invitation in the first place.

[TSSDNCOP]

Go to the party you accepted.

Next year you’ll know to keep the date for B.

The lesson here is let the kids chose their friends and parties.

[Idontlikeitsomuch]

are the parties on a same day and at exactly same time? If not, can you go to both?

[BillieEilish]

Do none of you remember/realise how stressful it is organising what will probably be your DC's first 'proper' Birthday party? The FEAR that people won't turn up?

FGS of course Mum A will say it is fine, but it will strike the fear in her and she won't see you in a favourable light again, I would imagine.

Your DC will have a good time at both and they end in tears usually anyway. Playdate later with B, good idea.