Not going to kids party after accepting invitation

[Donkeydoodles]

My 4 year old was invited to 'Child A's' birthday party the other week. I know the mum from a group of mums I hang about with but our kids don't really know each other. It was very kind of her to invite my daughter and we accepted.

In the mean time my daughter has been invited to a nursery friend's party (Child B). This is someone she's good friends with and she's desperate to go.

I think we should probably go to Child B's party as she barely knows Child A and we were probably only invited out of politeness as all the mums socialise. Child A probably won't be disappointed that my daughter isn't at her party, as she probably doesn't actually know who she is! However, I feel it's pretty poor form to now say we can't go to because we essentially 'got a better offer'.

I really like Child A's mum and don't want to be a d*ck. Is it unreasonable to tell her we can't come because we've been invited to another party?

[Marylou2]

Definitely honour your initial commitment to Child As party. Explain to Child Bs mum and invite Child B for tea next week or whenever is convenient.

[cornish009]

Bollocks to that. Sometimes people's diaries change and that's ok.

As for "what if no-one turns up". I'm sure the kid would be just as upset if only a kid he doesn't know turns up because His mum's friend came.

Any parent would understand and if they don't they are being idiots.

I am an idiot. When, years ago, only one person turned up to my son's party (he had special needs and was on the fringes of friendship groups) I was upset at others who had accepted and then refused because of another party/better offer. And this had such an effect on my son that he never wanted another birthday party from then on. As I say, I did not understand, therefore I admit I am an idiot.

[Marylou2]

It’s rude and sends a bad message to your child that she can let people down if she gets a better opportunity

This! 100%

[SeaToSki]

I would chat to Bs Mum and let her know about the clash. If she doent know then she will probably appreciate a chance to move her party and not mess up either child’s party. If she does know and did it on purpose, then go to child As party as its not nice to try and poach party guests by organizing a competing party on purpose

[Blondeshavemorefun]

A invited you and dd to party so maybe she could get to know her and you

If you don’t go then how is she going to get to know her better m

You keep to the first offer. That polite. You don’t turn down something for a better offer

Tell b that you are at another party as will some of the others invited m

What time is party

Maybe b can do a different time

[Marinemarie]

She's 4, FGS🙄
And? Kids are intelligent and pick stuff up from their parents. If the OP is

But if you want to get all "socially acceptable" about it she didn't accept the invite to the first party, her mother did
Not sure if it was in the OP or updates but surely the OP’s daughter would’ve been asked if she wanted to go. So if that’s the case then actually they both accepted.

Let her go to her friend's party FFS
Why? She’s busy

[RiftGibbon]

If child B's mum knows there is a clash then she may be willing/able to change the date/time of her party.

It is really rude though to drop out because of a 'better offer' (however one couches the situation). Even if the child is 4 years old.

If B's parent(s) can't change the date and time then perhaps you could arrange a playdate for your DC and B instead?

[Marinemarie]

But if you want to get all "socially acceptable" about it she didn't accept the
invite to the first party, her mother did

OP said ‘we accepted’ so clearly her daughter was happy enough to go to A’s party before she got a better offer!

[FriedasCarLoad]

Please don't be a dick.
Teach you child that you should honour a previous invitation acceptance

Agree with this. Explain to mum B, and invite child B & mum round for a play date. Have a cake with candles and give child B her gift then.

[Marylou2]

I am an idiot. When, years ago, only one person turned up to my son's party (he had special needs and was on the fringes of friendship groups) I was upset at others who had accepted and then refused because of another party/better offer. And this had such an effect on my son that he never wanted another birthday party from then on. As I say, I did not understand, therefore I admit I am an idiot.

This is so sad that she feels like an idiot. How awful.
This is the fallout from people's belief that they can say one thing and do another. Do they really believe that others won't do the same to them one day? Some really dreadful attitudes on this thread. I hope your son has made some genuine friends since then. One real friend is better than a whole group who would pass you up for a better offer.

[DisgruntledGuineaPig]

Yep, agree, you say to Child Bs mother you are sorry but you already accepted invite to Child A's party at that time, but would Child B like to come to your house on X day for tea?

[AryaStarkWolf]

Anyway you could show your face at A's either before or after B's party with a gift?

[Fundays12]

I would go to child A’s party and explain child B’s mum that you had already accepted the invite. A lot of kids may decline if she has put it on the same day and time.

[LegoPiecesEverywhere]

You go to Child’s A party without a doubt.

[Lizzie0869]

I would honour the commitment you've already made to go to child A's party. It would be very bad form not to.

OTOH, if I was the mum organising child B's party, I would appreciate a heads up that there was a clash with another child's party so that I could rearrange the date so that my child's friends could all come. It's far enough in advance for her to be able to do this.

But I appreciate that if you don't know the other mum this might feel a bit awkward.

[PatchworkElmer]

We’d be going to party A.

[listsandbudgets]

Tell Child B's mum the party clashes with child A's

As you say, you are not the only one facing the same dilemma. Child B's mum will be wondering why she's getting lots of people not answering or simply declining.

I had this happen once with DD and although it was a lot of stress (rebooking an entertainer and rewriting all the invites) managed to change it round to a couple of weeks later so everyone got to go to both (except DD who hadnt' been invited to the bl**dy party in question but the invites had gone out a week before hand)

[Babynamechangerr]

I think it is very important you go to child A's party as it is an important life lesson that the polite thing to do is to honour the engagements you've accepted.

As PP say, how horrible for the child to be overlooked in favour of a better offer (and its pretty likely that the child's parent will find out you did this). It's worse that it's a party in their home with small numbers, so obviously your child will be missed if they don't attend.

cornish you're not an idiot to have expected people to have some manners and decorum. I'm sorry people are so rubbish, and I hope your dc has a better set of friends now.

[MrsNoMopp]

Honour the first invitation and arrange something else for your DC and B.

[buddy79]

I think as you’ve accepted the invitation to child A then you should honour that and go to that party. If I was child A’s Mum and you made a (what will be pretty obvious) excuse to go to child B’s instead I’d be quite offended.
@ContessaLovesTheSunshine i
suggestion to have a play date another time with child B is a good idea.

[Natsel84]

Could you talk to childs a mum and explain, you've had 2 invites , that your daughter really wants to go to both and ask to pop around an hour before the party, to see the birthday girl and give a present (seeing that it's a party at home , I would think people would be back and forth leaving at different time) . so then you can go to childs b party after?

[StealthPolarBear]

As far as I can tell the op has been clear she wouldn't lie. Yet there are people berating her for suggesting it.
People read what they want to read on here.

[MulticolourMophead]

Bollocks to that. Sometimes people's diaries change and that's ok.

As for "what if no-one turns up". I'm sure the kid would be just as upset if only a kid he doesn't know turns up because His mum's friend came.

Any parent would understand and if they don't they are being idiots.

This is exactly the kind of attitude that leads to our current crop of flaky adults. It's all about instant gratification.

But you can bet that if it was their event, they'd all be up in arms about it.

You accept the first invitation, of course.

OP, I agree with calling child B's mum, perhaps she might move the party if there's a lot of overlap. Or invite child B round for tea, 1 on 1 with your DD.

[Applesanbananas]

You accepted based on Your friendship with the mother. It isnt fair on your dd to make her go because the child isnt even her friend. If she didnt want to go based on someone she knew well then I would say you have to go.
It would be ridiculous to make her go so that it pleases your friendship.