To ask when it is appropriate to pay for things booked by someone else on their credit card

[Bearbehind]

This isn’t a TAAT just coincidence but I got me thinking as it’s just happened to me too

I’ve booked and paid for accommodation for 16 people. It’s just over £150 per person so not an insignificant sum

This isn’t an obligatory type thing, people are only going if they want to, I’ve just booked it as I can get a discount (that everyone gets the advantage of)

I’ve told everyone it’s booked, the price per person and my bank details.

Every has paid except 1 person who asked when my credit card bill was due and said she’d pay the day before.

Now in theory I’m not out of pocket until then but it literally wouldn’t occur to me to say that if someone else had gone to the trouble of booking something for everyone

So

Is it reasonable to think you just pay when the cost is incurred (YANBU)

Or

Is it ok to just pay when the person who has put the money on their credit card needs to pay it (YABU)

[HeadintheiClouds]

Let the stroppy one pay directly without availing of your discount. I can’t imagine carrying on like that with a friend who’d taken the trouble to pay in advance for me.
I wouldn’t take any nonsense from anybody happy to do it to me either.

[nettie434]

It’s not good enough to pay just before your payment is due. What happens if there is a problem - eg she makes a mistake with your bank details - and it doesn’t go through on the day?

[ReanimatedSGB]

If someone was booking something that was a few months away, I might ask if I could pay in installments (being on a low income) but I would ask before the booking was made and if the person wanted money upfront I would probably politely decline if I didn't have it right there and then.

[ReanimatedSGB]

It is a little bit... awkward if there's no need to pay for the whatever straight away and someone's up in your face demanding the money because they paid for the whole thing when you thought it was a few weeks/months off. This kind of thing can happen in groups where people aren't entirely aware that some participants have a bit less disposable income, so might not have the money till next Wednesday and have not realised - or been told - that Gloria's put the whole thing on her credit card and you need to cough up at once.
It can get even more difficult if the Thing is some time in the future and not everyone has even confirmed that they are going, and all of a sudden they are being yelled at for money they hadn't actually definitely agreed to pay, of course...(see a bazillion bridezilla/henzilla threads on here where people suddenly find themselves being asked for loads more money than they originally budgeted for because the person organizing the hen night got this special discount on something interesting and just went ahead and booked it...)

[BoomBoomsCousin]

You incur the debt as soon as you put it on your card. You may not be out of pocket yet but her reticence to pay is still a cost to you, both in admin (having to follow up with her), opportunity cost (you can’t use the credit on your card while it’s being used to pay for her space) and risk (if something happens to her before she pays you you are unlikely to see that money, not to mention if she gets cold feet).

So she should expect to pay you immediately unless you’re the sorts of friends who frequently cover those kinds of expenses and just assume the give and take will even out in the end.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Reanimated makes a good point about how group purchases can catch someone out, though.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Also, OP, did this person agree to the cost before you booked? Sometimes someone goes pretty much immediately from 'Wouldn't it be lovely to take Uncle out for lunch on his 80th birthday?'and everyone says, yeah, OK, sounds nice, to 'I've booked it for next Sunday at Hotel Spendy, you all owe me £150' with no further discussion.

[CheeryB]

Like most pps. If somebody pays money out on my account, I pay them spit spot. Same hour if poss, if not, same day.

I have friends with humongously larger disposable massive amounts of income than I do, who wouldn't care a jot if I forgot to pay my way.
But I don't ever forget, which is probably why they are still my friends.

I recently booked up a big house with 12 bedrooms for a significant birthday party for the matriarch of my husband's family. (His Mum)
It was £2200 for Fri/Sat/Sun.

I made it very clear by email that I would need all monies ahead of time. Before I booked it. Fortunately, none of my husband's family are cheeky fuckers and they have all paid up 3 months in advance, and I have £2200 in my current account in order that I can book the whole place for everyone.

Your friend is tight for money and she probs just can't really afford it.
In your position, if she is a close friend who I love, I'd just sub her if you can afford to do that. There are so many things to be taken into account.

Is she a close friend? Is she family? Is she going through a hard time?
Is she earning a lot less than most others? Is £150 a massive amount of cash for her to find? To leave paying you to the last possible minute would indicate to me that she's pretty hard up for cash. If it wasn't a financial hardship for me I'd just give her a bit more time to pay.

But that's just me. We know nothing of this person of whom you speak. Is she a tight rich bitch? Or somebody who is struggling to make her money stretch out to the things she feels she has to do.

Of course, on the face of it, YANBU to want the money right now,
I would too. So you have to decide if you can afford to write off her cost. Will she pay you back? Eventually?

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

It's none of her business when your credit card statement is due. Your credit is not her credit. Tell her she owes you the money now and you want immediate payment. Otherwise you will cancel her booking or offer it to someone else.

[SheilaBruce]

Waaaay before paying... as in, during the planning stage when the offer is first mooted... that's when you need to get agreement/confirmation from the beneficiaries. Never leave it up to them to dictate the terms upon which you'll receive payment. If it's not convenient, it doesn't happen.

[Tink1990]

Id pay as soon as you had confirmed the payment had gone through! Some people are so rude!!

[TheSerenDipitY]

if the trip is after the credit card due date, paying the day before is ok, but if the trip is before the credit card due date then i would be telling her to pay now or ill be canceling her room

[Bearbehind]

Also, OP, did this person agree to the cost before you booked? Sometimes someone goes pretty much immediately from 'Wouldn't it be lovely to take Uncle out for lunch on his 80th birthday?'and everyone says, yeah, OK, sounds nice, to 'I've booked it for next Sunday at Hotel Spendy, you all owe me £150' with no further discussion.

Yes she definitely agreed - this was just the accommodation element - other parts have also been arranged by the people themselves, car sharing etc.

It’s the fact she was so blasé about it that surprised me.

Everyone else messaged to say they’d paid but she messaged saying ‘No worries, let me know what day your card payment is due and I’ll set myself a reminder to pay you the day before’

It literally hasn’t occurred to her it’s not normal and judging by the poll results that 95% of people, don’t think it’s acceptable

[Missingsandraohingreys]

Tell her it’s due today
And she is a CF . Avoid !!

[MyOtherProfile]

I would reply and say I've paid the bill already so you owe me now.

[Jeezoh]

My credit card payments sometimes take a few days to clear so I’d need the money a few days before to ensure it was cleared on my account at the right time. Tell her it’s due tomorrow, problem solved!

[MouthyHarpy]

She’s being rude.

If you don’t want to push it, give her a date sooner rather than later. I know my bank warns me it can take 48 hours to get the money from someone transferring money to me.

The day before is not good enough.

But basically she’s being rude. You’ve taken the trouble to do this for everyone and passed on your discount. She should pay up straight away.

[billy1966]

Rude!

[Honeyroar]

Nowadays I don’t book anything for people unless I’ve already had the money. I say “I need paying by X if you want to come”. Works much better!

[Hey1256]

YANBU due to this I never book ANYTHING for friends until they've paid me. Ever, it's just a rule I have. They might think I'm tight but I don't care I've had too many bad experiences.

[MsTSwift]

If I were queen anyone not repaying the payee immediately would automatically be the person that pays for the next event.
Bet those that behave like this never book and pay for stuff themselves. I would be shocked if anyone did this. Tbh I wouldn’t want to be friends with them anymore.

[Timeywimey10]

Not RTFT but pay as soon as you've paid yourself.

And next time, and anyone else reading this who may do something similar, say you've paid on your DEBIT card (even if you haven't). Generally it comes out three days later so they've no excuses not to pay right away.

[potter5]

As long as she pays before bill due.

[Hey1256]

Nowadays I don’t book anything for people unless I’ve already had the money. I say “I need paying by X if you want to come”. Works much better!m
Absolutely

[Allington]

Pay immediately, unless agreed otherwise beforehand.

IF something unexpected has come up, then she can ask (with explanation plus apology) for some extra time. But that shouldn't be expected, there is no reason you should give her credit.