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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For reporting my ex husband to NSPCC?

39 replies

My3Girls · 01/08/2007 21:37

My ex husband every now and then takes my children to Scotland when on leave from the army and in March this year during a conversation with DD1 on the phone I found out that my ex husband had been allowing my 6 YO and 4yo DDs to the local park on their own. At the moment I found out my 4yo was there on her own as DD1 had come home. I was distraught about this at the time that anything could happen and told DD to pass me onto her dad. I told him to go get DD from the park and call me back. He clled me back and I explained that I never want to hear that they have gone to the park on their own again and explained my fears that anything could happen't them in a very amicable way.

Anyway the girls are there this week and as always everyday I call DDs for my daily "love yous". I asked dd1 if she was ok and she told me she had hurt her back. I asked her how it had happened and she said she fell off the climbing frame. I asked her if her dad had been there and she told me NO . So I asked her to put me on to her dad and freaked out and said it was the only thing I have ever asked him not to do in the three years of us seperating and he just told me "Their ok" and he then put the phone down!!

I started panacking then as am suffering with PND and the biggest symptom at present is massive fears that something will happen to one of my children, so I contacted the NSPCC as I didn't know what else to do as he won't listen to me. The lady was lovely although she kept bringing the depression up

Anyway the lasy has said that she feels it should be refered to social services and they may send him a letter explaining that it is not appropriate to allow young children of the ages 6 and 4 to be on their own in a public place at any time.

I am now frightened that he will kick off and I don't know if I have been irrational but I keep flitting from yes of course if he won't listen to me when it comes to the safety of our children then so be it and then back to OMG what have I done??

Oh I don't know

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Pan · 01/08/2007 22:22

yep..generally people who are being 'neglectful' know that they are being, and need a bit of a 'reminder' to .....remind them.

My3Girls · 01/08/2007 22:25

Thankyou BlueJelly xx

I thought he would listen to me after I explained everything last time but he hasn't

I have just had a good idea (I think) That if EXH would like to see his daughters then he can stay in a b&b and see them here??

Another thing that has got me is that EXH brother is a police officer (where DD's stay when with their dad) and he hasn't said anything to him.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 01/08/2007 22:29

If it is a fairly rural area, where all the local kids 'play out' then maybe neither of them seeing anything wrong in it.. my cousins in wales all play out from the age of 4 alone/with friends.

Would you be able to have a chat with your ex on the phone, explain why it upsets you and ask if he could please abide by your wishes

Tell him that the kids love seeing him, love staying with him and that he's a great dad etc but that you would really rather he didn't let them out alone?

My3Girls · 01/08/2007 22:38

BJ its very towny and not far away from a huge main road. The first time the issue came about ExH said oh there are loads of teens there and they will keep an eye on them. which scares the pants off me anyhow but then I thought to how I was as a teen and would have taken care of any little ones around, but its not the same anymore is it??

I really did try very nicely to explain to him last time this occured. I really thought he would take note but he also did it behind my back, as he must have thought I was being over protective.

OP posts:
My3Girls · 01/08/2007 22:43

Thankyou again for your support all.
Am off to sleeps as LO will be up in a few hours no doubt

Night
xxxxx

OP posts:
edam · 01/08/2007 22:49

My3Girls, personally I'd be talking to a solicitor about getting conditions placed on any future contact visits. You've tried talking to him as if he's a reasonable grown-up and he plainly hasn't recognised that he is being irresponsible or done anything about it.

If you do consult a solicitor, don't tell your ex beforehand, btw, just in case he starts playing games.

orangehead · 01/08/2007 22:50

no u did right thing.

bubblepop · 01/08/2007 23:06

agree with edam

Nightynight · 01/08/2007 23:07

You had to take some action, you couldnt just leave that. It is too dangerous.

caterpiller · 01/08/2007 23:28

TBH, if it were me, I would not be happy to let them go and stay with him alone again.

hunkermunker · 01/08/2007 23:32

Bluejelly, my point wasn't that M3G was held responsible while the children were in his care, more that if she knows that he's doing things like this that are neglectful and put them at risk and she allows them to go and stay with him, if anything did happen, she might have to answer some tricky questions about why she let them go in the first place.

It's in the law - you can't leave your child with an unsuitable caretaker or you risk prosecution yourself.

As I say, I don't know how it relates to parents of children, but I am suggesting she finds out, especially as if as there are issues with leaving them with him, she has a get-out clause and won't have to in future.

PSCMUM · 06/08/2007 11:16

o my god! they no way should be in the park on their own. But I see your problem - wanting to maintain civility with him, whilst ensuring they are safe. U;timatley though, their safety must come first. And I think maybe a friendly visit from his local social worker might do the trick - to tell him that its not ok and to spell out the dangers - not getting too ridiculous here, but accidents, dogs, other people, bigger kids, needing to go to the toilet, needing a drink, needing a cuddle. He should be there for them - they are soo little!

MrLSG · 06/08/2007 12:23

Hunkermonker, which law is it that you are referring to??

kyala · 06/08/2007 21:31

This is not anxiety this is just common sense!!
My DH just went "You what?!!" LOL

He is an adult and must be aware of the dangers (especially with the news still on Madeleine, and the memory of Jamie Bulger) He needs to take some responsibility or he will lose all access to them (and you would be right to go to social services and have it taken from him in our opinions!!)

What is he doing whilst they're in the park? Surely it can't be that important that he should risk their safety?

I'm appalled that any "father" would do this!

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