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To be annoyed at friend for inviting us over for a playdate, and not letting DS play freely?

73 replies

morningglory · 25/07/2007 22:00

Went to a friend's country house today for a playdate. It is a Grade II* listed place which has been renovated after purchase for a cost of 500,000 (she told me how much they spent renovating).

She told me prior to inviting me that she was hesitant to have us out because my son is "rambunctious". Whist we were there, my son was not allowed to leave the small playroom (with few toys in there) to go to the kitchen, or go upstairs. In the playroom, he was not allowed to grab toys from the shelves, play with cars near the walls (in case he chipped paint), not allowed to go into the kitchen and bother their newly acquired butler. In fact, he was not allowed to move freely at all. Also, he was not allowed to move faster than a normal walk in the entire house.

DS is 3 years and 7 months, and their son is 3 years and 8 months. Her son proceeded to say that my son was not his friend, berate my son on his behaviour, and had several temper tantrums. My son is an energetic boy, who is used to being allowed to play freely, with limits in our own house.

DS is a messy eater. She looked panicstricken at him eating, getting crumbs everywhere (grrrg! It's not like she is doing the cleaning up, ffs). And looked really annoyed with him when he dropped a cake onto the tile floor in the kitchen.

My son did not behave rudely, violently, or badly. Just an energetic 3 year old boy. I was a bit miffed at her insinuations today that he was a violent, naughty child. I understand her concerns about how much her house cost, but I thought country houses, especially those for families with young kids, were supposed to be child friendly places to relax away from the city!

OP posts:
SweetyDarling · 26/07/2007 10:14

My uncle still looks at everyone who enters his home as potential harbingers (spl?) of mess and destruction - even adults!! He's lovely really, but such a neat freak it's just easier and more relaxing for everyone to invite him to ours.
I would NEVER take a child to his home for more than a couple of minutes. Just the way he is I'm afraid. Sounds like your frind has similar issues.

mm22bys · 26/07/2007 10:14

Wow this is fascinating.

How DID the husband make so much money?

(I don't think YABU BTW, but this sounds so unlike the "circles" in which I partake!).

Kewcumber · 26/07/2007 10:15

I soooo want a butler now.

DobbyMOO · 26/07/2007 10:15

TBH I wouldn't have gone in the first place if she said she was 'hesitant'. She sounds awful. I have a friend like this and we just avoid going to her house, and she's not even as bad as this woman sounds! No butler anyway....

SweetyDarling · 26/07/2007 10:15

Just bc the full-time housekeeper is male and therfore called a butler everyone thinks it's terrible?

MrsScavo · 26/07/2007 10:16

I have a friend with a much more expensive house, lots of very nice furniture, etc. I expect she hides the staff when we go round. She never fusses about what peoples children are up to. We love going over. Your 'friend' sounds like a loon. Bet she gives out great party bags thugh

MrsScavo · 26/07/2007 10:19

Sorry, morning glory, didn't read you last post....Should have added, my friend married onto money big time, also butlers can earn £40,000 pa.

JolieGirl · 26/07/2007 10:40

think i misread the OP - it was the renovations that cost 500k NOT the actual house?


It is another world isn't it

bossykate · 26/07/2007 10:44

YANBU. All that money and no manners!

bundle · 26/07/2007 10:46


Gizmo · 26/07/2007 10:51

She has a butler....ooooohh, I'd love a butler.

Gizmo · 26/07/2007 10:54

Actually this thread makes me feel rather better about my neat freak tendencies, which are actually hardly noticeable compared to this.

KTeePee · 26/07/2007 10:59

£40,000 salary and a porsche? I think I want to be a butler!

MaloryTheExciterTowers · 26/07/2007 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningglory · 26/07/2007 11:30

Not really jealous. I live a comfortable lifestyle, but I also am not the kind of person who can play lady-of leisure. If I'm not working to raise my child (soon to be be children), then I believe that is what I should be doing. Sure, help is fantastic. I have someone who helps, bet her primary role is to do the chores which are a pain and interfere with me spending time with kids, and to give me a little bit of rest so that I am a happier mother.

My friend asked me why I don't have my help full time, and why I don't have her run my errands, and why don't I get an additional full time nanny. My response...what the hell else will I do with my time?

The butler is a driver, housekeeper, cook, and errand-runner. Sound like a very busy job, so I think he deserves his salary!

OP posts:
kyala · 26/07/2007 11:49

Surely this woman can afford a touch up of paint if he chips it (If she can afford a butler?!!1 I mean, really, who has a butler nowadays except the queen?!!! I want a frind with a butler, I'd never leave their house and mine would stay spotless too LOL)

handlemecarefully · 26/07/2007 14:32

Is the butler quite 'fit' [smutty emoticon]

Rach35 · 26/07/2007 16:38

Lol - did you have cucumber sandwiches and tea with strawberries and cream?

MrsScavo · 26/07/2007 19:46

IME, most butlers are gay.

Kewcumber · 28/07/2007 20:21

really? Mine isn't, nor my neighbours on either side.

3andnomore · 28/07/2007 20:37

don't sound like much fun at all...for any of advice...don't go there again, and depending on how close you are, either mention you didn't appreciate it or just completly ditch the bitch...

3andnomore · 28/07/2007 20:39

lol just read the last few messeges...and yes that butler deserves his salary...but he is getting paid better then dh, who is on a good enough salary...well...I certainly will tell him what he will be doing after he is done with teh army

dal21 · 28/07/2007 21:43

Am I the only one who feels a little sorry for this obviously neurotic woman? Could you imagine living in a house where you are sooo worried about something being marked or spilt...that you go to those extremes? I am sorry, but she must be wound up so tight - how is that happiness??

Life is for living and your DS obviously knows that.

If she is a good friend and the two of you get on well (which reading your posts - away from this house incident, you do); then agree with Leati - dont arrange a playdate there again. Stay neutral/ at yours/ at her place in London.

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