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AIBU?

not to give her a lift?

112 replies

thefairyfellersmasterstroke · 04/04/2019 21:40

Or am I being an unhelpful bitch?

We're talking about two teenagers here, both still living at home with parents

DS's girlfriend lives rurally with no public transport, and when they go out she usually takes her car to avoid walking home along a dark deserted country lane. DS doesn't drive.

Tonight they've gone into town and GF has left her car as she wants to have a drink. DS has asked me if I would meet them off the bus when they return, and drive GF home. I asked why her parents can't collect her, but apparently they need to sleep early because they are working tomorrow (so am I!). It would take them barely 10 minutes to do, whereas it will take me about 25.

They will be arriving back around midnight, and although I'm usually awake at this time, I don't especially want to be going out at that time of night to take her home so her parents can get their beauty sleep. But I don't have any excuse not to, I just don't want to and don't feel it's my responsibilty.

Would IBU to suggest she just gets a taxi? I know she has no money and my son would end up paying. What would you do?

OP posts:

Report

SevenSeasofRye · 05/04/2019 00:08

Her parents sound neglectful and rude. She sounds entitled and rude.
I would offer her the sofa or let her get a taxi. End of.

Jux · 05/04/2019 01:41

Her parents sound ridiculous and rude.

Yes, as others have said, have a word with the lovebirds so they know that this was a one-off.

reallybadinterview · 05/04/2019 04:48

I'd normally be inclined to say yes. However given that she has the option of a place to sleep but refuses it, I'd say no. She can't have other options which work perfectly well but refuse them to your inconvenience.

namemcnamechange · 05/04/2019 05:10

I do wonder if you are perhaps assuming she's a snob...by the sounds of things her parents don't give a shjt about her, and she's probably mortified so rather than admit that, you get excuses. Also perhaps your son is insistent on asking you as opposed to it being her choice. My DP is a fully grown man and will still call his bloody mum to pick him up (sometimes us without me knowing) because he knows she will and he's an idiot, I am embarrassed beyond belief but there's no telling him. So perhaps you just don't really know her story and sounds like you don't want to.

mrsm43s · 05/04/2019 05:14

Sounds like she normally does far more than her fair share of the driving, and just for once she would like a drink and for your son to take his turn at providing the transport for them. He has done that by asking you. It's your son who you should be having words with. It doesn't sound like he does his fair share of providing transport, and he seems to ask you as the default option. He is very entitled. If he can't drive, he should be arranging a taxi for every other journey, and not using you as an unpaid personal taxi service.

kateandme · 05/04/2019 05:35

yes another one thinking you sound like you really don't like her.its screaming from you tone in writing.

MetroToy · 05/04/2019 05:48

How often does she drive your ds around?

I'd do it if it was rarely asked of me.

PregnantSea · 05/04/2019 06:07

I don't think it's a huge deal to give her a lift, but you clearly don't want to. So don't. You don't have to give a reason. You certainly aren't obligated in this situation

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 05/04/2019 06:13

I would do it. They are being responsible by not driving. As a fellow woman I wouldn't want her forced to walk home in the dark from the stop, it's just not safe.

I don't think not wanting to share a single bed is precious BTW. They are grown adults, it would be incredibly uncomfortable.

You don't know the real deal with her parents, so I wouldn't be side eyeing them and getting worked up over their sleep.

Ignore what other people do, just do the right thing yourself when the opportunity arises.

TrotEsio · 05/04/2019 06:18

You've picked them up from the airport 5 times?

If they can afford (at least) 6 holidays abroad then surely they can afford a taxi.

Ellenborough · 05/04/2019 06:32

If the offer is there for her to stay then she can either stay, or find her own way home.

Margot33 · 05/04/2019 06:37

If they are old enough to go out drinking then she can get a taxi home. Just explain you need an early night because if work in the morning so to get a taxi.

Springwalk · 05/04/2019 06:40

I would offer for her to sleep over (like or not) but say you can't give her a lift due to work commitments. They can either arrange a taxi for her or her parents can collect her if she is unwilling to stay.

Why don't you like her? Do you feel she judges your home?

Barbarafromblackpool · 05/04/2019 07:04

At uni, everyone squashed into single beds!

Holidayshopping · 05/04/2019 07:09

I wouldn’t do it but I would have said no when they asked. Honestly-sounds like her and her dad are horrid!

Mememeplease · 05/04/2019 08:29

Tbh it does rankle when you end up being the default lift giver with their friends or partners, but I do it for my children's sake, not for the friend particularly.

I'd make it clear that in future you are not keen at that time of night when there is a sofa available. Then it's up to them to choose. Sofa or taxi etc. You've given them a safe, cheap option.

beenhereages1 · 05/04/2019 08:50

I know this was last night so has now happened, but make sure you have a chat with DS about it not being a regular thing.

I'm the mum who does an awful lot more for DS's mates. I'm a soft touch and I like doing things for them all but I do get a little taken advantage of.

Friedspamfritters · 05/04/2019 09:00

I don't see why DS can't pay for a taxi since she's always ferrying him about. Sounds a bit like you don't like her.

GabsAlot · 05/04/2019 10:24

why dont people read op posts

shes picked them up five times from their holiday-her df picked up his dd then left ops son to make his own way

they dont do their fair share her driving him is irrelevant if he pays all the petriol all the time

BarrenFieldofFucks · 05/04/2019 10:26

Her parents should get her.

pinkyredrose · 05/04/2019 10:38

Off topic but how many holidays do they have!

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2019 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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ChristmasFluff · 05/04/2019 17:32

What does it matter if OP doesn't particularly like this girlfriend, when she is still doing this ferrying around that the gf's own parents won't do??

And for people who have never slept in a single bed with a partner - you have really missed out on pure unadulterated teenage love. I cherish those single-bed nights. And still did them right into my 40s.

OP, apparently they are 19? They need to sort out their own stuff. Glad you are speaking to them tomorrow.

Holidayshopping · 05/04/2019 18:11

How many foreign holidays have they had?! She doesn’t sound that skint!

Yougotdis · 05/04/2019 18:16

If they’ve gone out and didn’t ask before then I’d be inclined to say no. It’s one thing arranging a lift in advance but this is just expecting it. She has options. She could get a taxi. She could walk to yours and stay there. Just reply and say I’m sorry I’ve had a drink can’t drive you should have asked sooner but she’s welcome to stay here.

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