....to expect fussy mil to eat the same as us?

[KTNoo]

Okay....my mil eats, like, literally 5 different foods - plain chicken, crisps, apples, crusty white bread and cheese. Whenever we have meals with the extended family she is always given a grilled chicken breast. This really annoys me. I cook one family-friendly meal every evening and everyone either eats it (including 16 month-old) or goes hungry. I dont want my kids to think you get special treatment for being incredibly picky, and she doesn't have any medical reason for not eating other foods. DH thinks I should just give her what she likes for an easy life. I could do this but I am tempted just to take my life in my hands and give her what we're having - what should I do?

Wouldn't it be easier just to have roast chicken when she's visiting? It might make you feel better for making your point, but it would make things horrible for all of you if you deliberately gave her something she won't eat.

And the next time you go to her she will undoubtedly repay the compliment ...

Seriously? Just those things? All her life?

You are never going to change your MIL.
Don't delude yourself otherwise.

My MIL is similar, eats only a limited range of foods, and she is quite rigid about meal times, too. We just have to work with it. At least she cooks for us when we visit, and will serve up stuff we like even if she wouldn't touch it herself.

If I had a dh taking the same line as yours I would tell him that he could do the cooking when his mother visits - 'end of'.

I've got one like that except she doesn't eat cheese (makes you smell) eggs, onions, any herbs except parsley, any spices, red meat (except one brand of sausages), I could go on and on.
Her bedside table last time she stayed was absolutely stuffed with chocolate biscuit wrappings. Took her out for a meal once and the only thing on the menu she would eat was a green salad.

But KTNoo I don't think you children will be influenced-grannies not in general was kids aspire to copy- mine have always thought ours was a great joke.

Honest, lazyline, just those things. Now she sort of gets away with it because people see her as an old dear, but she's always been like that. And she's really healthy! I know she won't change. Will definitely do roast chicken one night but she's staying for a week!

Make it a very large roast chicken, and she can eat it cold for the rest of the week!

Well his issue not yours. No reason women shoudl cook. Plenty of men cook. Just swap when she's there and let him cook

But I think in terms of life etc politeness should always be top of our list of priorities and not hurting people's feelings so the right thing to do is to allow for her preference.

talk to her - say ok - you are aware that she only eats certain foods - but it is difficult for you to cater for that as well as a varied family menu for everyone else.

Ask her if she would like to prepare her own som edays so that she gets it the way she likes it. Suggest you could maybe do roast chicken as the family meal a couple of times while she is there.

That way you look as if you are trying to be helpful and considerate to her, whilst still making your point

by thw way that is what I do with my mum if she visits for more than a day or two.

What has she said you should do? Have your or your hubby spoken to her about it? What do they cook for you when you are at their house? How does she manage Christmas?

You could always explain to her, that you have to cook a varied meal for your children, but if she wants to she is free to go and cook something else for her.

Always have a big bowl of apples on the table. Maybe even a bowl of cubed cheese.

I think your dh is right. I'm sure it's mildly annoying but I don't think it's worth the headspace you're giving it. Presumably despite her foibles your DH has managed to grow up with a fairly normal diet, so the effect on her grandchildren should be minimal, if she didn't manage to bring up a child of her own who ate only five foods forever! Just go along with it, it's not actually hurting anyone (except her own health i think!) Your kids use you and their dad as their real role models so I don't think you should worry about them.

if she was asking you to cook her completely outlandishly different things then I would say that it was not unreasonable of you, but given her diet it really isn't that hard to accommodate her - have bowl of apples always at the ready/serve crusty bread with all the meals you cook/pop a chicken breast in the oven when you're cooking the family meal.

It really isn't worth potentially falling out over, and you're never going to change her if she's been that fussy all her life.

As an aside, my fil claims that he hates garlic. can't stand it apparently. And yet whenever they come to visit I always put lots in my cooking, and he raves about my cooking and says it's delicious, and trust me he's not the one to give complements that are not earned - this is the man who told me I was a bad mother and didn't speak to me for two years. So I do think that some pickyness is self-inflicted iyswim, bit like children "I don't like that" when they've never actually tried it.

Wannabe, I hear you! My MIL tells me about how the smell of garlic makes her sick EVERY time I see her (sometimes twice or three times).

And twice when we`ve taken her out for lunch she has ordered something I knew had garlic in it. And scoffed it with great enjoyment.

Am v fond of her so haven`t had heart to tell her, but do have private to myself...

Great suggestions - thankyou all.

General consensus seems to be life's too short to get in a stew about it (excuse pun).

Throckenholt and maisemor - she's one of those people who doesn't do discussion, like you know there are loads of issues under the surface but as far as I know no-one's ever got her to really talk. I mean, it's always possible, but I'd be the first to try it, which is probably why everyone in the family has just given her what she wants for ever.

So I expect it will just go on annoying me forever. I mean, FGS we're not talking fish-eyes here or anything, just something as exotic as, say, PASTA, or maybe even a mushroom or two....