To feel stupid for giving to 'fake' homeless man

[HarrysOwl]

Urg, there's an article on the Daily Fail (I know, I know, but a friend sent me the link, I swear) about a guy who is local to us pretending to be homeless despite having a house and receiving benefits.

I've given to this fella countless times. Never money (a friend in housing told me to give food/drink instead) but I've bought him coffee, juices, burgers, sandwiches, even friggin suncream last summer. I didn't just randomly give stuff, I asked if he needed anything from the shop and he'd say what he wanted.

I just feel like a right fool. I went out my way to get him things and while I still feel sympathy for his drug habit, I can't shake the feeling that I don't want to give anything to anyone again.

AIBU to feel a bit embittered? Or should I stick to the sympathy? I hate to think what he may have been through to get to that point in life.

@Harry'sOwl

I hate to think what he may have been through to get to that point in life.

Exactly. You are not a fool - simply someone who is compassionate & prefers to err on the side of the angels.
And it's pretty likely that the back story is FAR more complicated & tragic than the Daily Fail could be arsed to find out, or report on fairly & truthfully even if it did.

APOLOGIES & PS

Only now see the typo in my post just above - Shelter's figure is 320,000.

I would say that it's better to be in the position where you feel a bit silly for being taken in by a scam than to be ignoring somebody who may need your help .

I know people who work in the sector often say don’t give, give to a charity, but that doesn’t feel right to me. Even if the money is going on drugs or drink, these are self-medications for the horrible time most people begging are having. Even those with a home like you describe. Happy and loved people don’t need to manipulate or con others to get their needs met.

Many of us are so proud and would hate to think we’d been conned - there’s worse things than believing people and taking them at face value. I’d rather do that any day than going around suspicious and angry.

There was a program on channel 4 about this the other day. It was an army vet sleeping rough and shows the people he mixes with. Each person had complex issues tbh. A lot of them had homes but the overriding theme was that money and food was enabling them to continue the vicious cycle. They were used to living on the streets and there wasn't really a desire to get back on their feet, the money was decent and they were well fed. And so the cycle continued.

Charity is a much better option, there in the wings for when they want to get out of that cycle and to offer a bed and food if needed along with real support.

RSAcre.
The 320,000 figure includes people who don’t have a permanent home so not just people who sleep on the streets. It includes people sofa surfing or living in temporary accommodation.

In late 2018 they published a report repeating the ‘official statistics’ that there are almost 5,000 people who actually live on the streets
Neither figure relates to the numbers of ‘beggers’. Just because someone is homeless doesn’t mean they are a begger and just because someone’s a begger doesn’t mean they are homeless.

I never give to beggers. I give to local homeless and mental health charities.

I don’t give money but usually buy some food or a cup of coffee for someone on the street and donate to our local foodbank.

I am not going to question the motives or the honesty of someone sitting on a street and will help if asked. Let it be on their conscience ...

I loathe giving money to charity - I would rather give them my time or buy necessary items (like foodbank) to local places.

I see a lot of beggars near where I live that seem to be the type that are likely to be dropped off by someone and then picked up at the end of the day - so they aren't 'homeless'. They are often women from (I am guessing) Eastern European/Roma backgrounds. I fear these women are most likely to be living in dreadful conditions and are most likely forced to do this.
One women was sat outside Mcdonalds once when I went in and asked if I would buy her some food. I shook my head no. However later I felt guilty. Whatever her reason (drug habit or being forced to do this) she still needed to eat. I see these women out there begging all day. By lunch time she will be hungry. I could of easily bought her a Mcdonalds. It wouldn't of cost me much - at least she would have had some food.
However I just don't really know how 'genuine' these women are. I don't know the truth. It is so hard. Should I have bought her a cheap burger and fries? I don't know. I just don't know.

I recently watched 2 of these programmes and many of the beggars pretending to be homeless have houses. Some are genuine but you just don't know.

www.channel4.com/programmes/60-days-on-the-streets/episode-guide/

I know this is an unpopular stance but I don't mind giving the odd bit of money just on the off chance that they are truly in the shit.
Giving Food is all well and good but what if they need a hot drink /food at 11pm or need bus fare or coins to call family?
Unlikely I know but I would never deny people benefits just in case there are some piss takers.

My mum is exactly the same, so I blame her .

I won't give money but I will buy food/drink. I always think it's better to give to someone who doesn't need it, than not give to someone who does.

@bookmum08 yes always give food to anyone who asks.
That woman was probably forced to be as part of a gang and hand over all her earnings so she'd have been genuinely hungry.

I will look into local charities & volunteering as I feel a great deal of sympathy this sector - as a PP said, even to be begging for drug funds is still obviously someone with complex needs.

I guess I felt good (selfishly?) helping someone personally, on my local street, rather than just starting up a direct debit, you know? But some great advice here, thanks again all. I feel a bit less dickish this morning.

There is nothing dickish about wanting to be helpful.