Mansplaining

[Grammarist]

Just had a discussion with the ever-lovely DH where I mentioned that a female friend of mine (an eminent Professor in her field) was a target of mansplaining via a live TV interview recently.

DH exploded at me. Mansplaining apparently isn't real and I shouldn't think that it is...

Hmmm.... I think he may be doing it to me. Dick

Mansplaining is I think a brilliant and necessary term because it instantly captures the essence of something. Men need to take it on the chin that it’s “a thing”. If the term annoys you, it’s probably because you’re guilty of it. It was only after the term was coined that I started noticing it everywhere. Admittedly, it will certainly take some of us guys a conscious effort to avoid, since we are so good at bullshitting to each other (and when bullshitting to each other we very often either don’t notice or don’t particularly care).

Whatta man, whatta man, whatta might douchey man, y'all

Say it again now!

“If the term annoys you, it’s probably because you’re guilty of it.”

What’s the logic behind that? It annoys lots of women too, so can you explain the correlation between it annoying someone and them being likely to be guilty of it? What is the mechanism for this?

Stop referring negatively to my protected characteristics. It’s unacceptable.

You are a man, you have been raised and socialised as a man. You have no direct experience of being raised and socialised as a woman and therefore have never been on the receiving end of misogyny, everyday sexism, or mansplaining. That's not referring negatively to your protected characteristic, that's fact.

“If the term annoys you, it’s probably because you’re guilty of it.

What’s the logic behind that? It annoys lots of women too, so can you explain the correlation between it annoying someone and them being likely to be guilty of it? What is the mechanism for this?

The poster is addressing men.

Women aren't offended by the term, but are by the experience of it.

Surely you have brought him up to be able to stand on his own 2 feet?

Genuine question, how would you respond to this accusation?

I would assume that most men wouldn't deliberately do it, unless they're attempting to antagonise. And I'm guessing that a (maybe relatively small) number of people accused of mansplaining genuinely weren't, its either an opinion or err debate misinterpreted?
So with those in mind facing the easy shoot down of "you're mansplaining", where do you go?
Apologise and then the debate is shot down and over? (easy/lazy "victory")
Carry on with your point? (continuing to mansplain?!)
Defend yourself / your point further and counter the claim? (Appear to be trying to force control of the situation?)

Seems like soon as the phrase is mentioned there's no where to go without seeming a utter dick.
Of course I realise that mansplaining happens, and most of the time when it's pulled up is probably correct, but it's crappy we live in a time when:
a) everyone's opinion is stubbornly 100% right and
b) a few certain phrases either stop the debate dead or courses them to spiral immaturely out of control!

So yeah, genuine grasp to learn here

I once had an issue in my own specialist work field mansplained to me, at an event where I’d been invited in my professional capacity, by a man who’d done the inviting and also wasn’t in my field anyway.

Him: “so what’s the current thinking on [thing] these days?”
Me:
Him: “No it isn’t. I read about this recently. ACTUALLY, what’s happening is [other thing]....”
Me:

Some people are just patronising cunts. I don’t align it to gender because that would be wrong. Because generalising about protected characteristics is wrong

It’s sex. Not gender. Please, please stop calling it gender.

Man splaning is just a catch all term for I don't like how you talk to me/ your making a point I can't counter/ your making my argument mout. It might have been as useful term at some point before before self important people took it as there own however now it's just a total load of BS

Apologise and then the debate is shot down and over?

IME the worst examples of mansplaining aren’t during a mutual debate/conversation. They’re when a man feels the need to impart his wisdom, completely unsolicited, because he’s a man and must know best.

Case in point a man on this thread telling women they’re wrong in their own lived experiences. But that he knows because “he lives in the real world” and that easily equates to years of dealing with misogyny.

The men who do it do it because they are raising with the unconscious patriarchal bias that they know lots about everything and should be listened to because they are the superior gender. So it depends on your definition of "deliberate". Subconscious, possibly. Deliberate, possibly. Have you heard the phrase "Lord, give me the confidence of a mediocre white man"?

Streetwise
You ignored my comment, other comments and our experiences because it doesn’t fit with your reality. As a man. A man, who isn’t being attacked by men and male bodied people.

This is classic mansplaining.

They’re when a man feels the need to impart his wisdom, completely unsolicited, because he’s a man and must know best

Yes. There is a lot of men explaining to women how to do feminism currently on Twitter. Then getting very huffy - at length, usually - when the women don’t agree enthusiastically.

Genuine question, how would you respond to this accusation It was in repsonse to saying that, as his father, Hercules would be the one stepping in and 'having a word'.

I would have thought that a good parent would a) teach all their kids manners, and b) would also teach them to be able to stand up for themselves

Seems like soon as the phrase is mentioned there's no where to go without seeming a utter dick. I agree with you. It has, to use another weird term, become 'weaponised' in some circles.

I'd only use it in cases such as the bloke who went to great lengths to explain that women were describing their female anatomy incorrectly, or an ex who tried to explain how I could reduce period pain... to me it is only applicable when a man decides he 'knows how to woman' better than a woman!

But I don't use or like the term much!

If I challenged someone on 'mansplaining', I'd expect them to ask why I felt that. Then they could justify their position. Same as in any disagreement.

I think mansplaining is one of those things you can't see until you've 'got your eye in', somehow. Like sexing chicks, or spotting a weed in grass.

“Women aren't offended by the term, but are by the experience of it.”

Another generalisation. Many women reject the concept of mansplaining. Good attempt to dissemble though.

“It’s sex. Not gender. Please, please stop calling it gender.”

Tomayto, tomahto. Ok.

@TheActualAlexa
It's true. We as men are masters of maintaining a self-confident appearance while beeing totally clueless.
It's one of my top professional skills. Because that is what my employees expect of me. But that doesn't stop me from recognising when someone knows her shit (is this even a term in English?) and be humble and listen+shut my mouth

Tomayto, tomahto. Ok

It’s not. They mean different things.

Tomayto, tomahto. Ok. No... biolgoy : social mores

Yes, because some women have been brainwashed by years of gaslighting and mansplaining into believing patriarchy isn't a thing.

“Mummyoflittledragon

Streetwise
You ignored my comment, other comments and our experiences because it doesn’t fit with your reality. As a man. A man, who isn’t being attacked by men and male bodied people. ”

I didn’t realise there was a rule that I had to reply to every post. If I have missed your post it’s because it maybe didn’t resonate or strike a chord with me.

Tomayto, tomahto. Ok

Example of man not liking being corrected...

“It’s sex. Not gender. Please, please stop calling it gender.”

Tomayto, tomahto. Ok

Unbefuckinglievable.

Though as a relative newcomer to MN, the poster may not have given his head a wobble. Ever.

“Yes, because some women have been brainwashed by years of gaslighting and mansplaining into believing patriarchy isn't a thing.”

I think the essence of what people call mansplaining is well encapsulated here.