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AIBU?

Mansplaining

349 replies

Grammarist · 23/02/2019 00:53

Just had a discussion with the ever-lovely DH where I mentioned that a female friend of mine (an eminent Professor in her field) was a target of mansplaining via a live TV interview recently.

DH exploded at me. Mansplaining apparently isn't real and I shouldn't think that it is...

Hmmm.... I think he may be doing it to me. Dick

OP posts:

Report

MichaelMumsnet · 23/02/2019 08:19

Hi all,
It looks like sharedthismonth was a PBP and not here with the best of intentions - so we've banned and deleted their posts. Apologies for the holes in the thread.

Thegoodthere · 23/02/2019 08:20

Shared is a PBP, folks.

Women sometimes patronise men. Men sometimes patronise people who happen to be women. Large numbers of men patronise women because they believe women are generally stupid and need a man to explain things to them. THAT is mansplaining.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 08:21

“Large numbers of men patronise women because they believe women are generally stupid and need a man to explain things to them. THAT is mansplaining.”

Maybe 50 years ago. The society I live in is not like that anymore and hasn’t been for quite some time.

Thegoodthere · 23/02/2019 08:24

And how can you POSSIBLY know that when you have no chance of experiencing it as a man?

Kunkka · 23/02/2019 08:34

I totally get that there are still many men who still underestimate or disrespect women and their knowledge and achievements in their respective fields.

But I get why some men react defensive when confronted with the term.
It shuts you and your opinion down on the bases of your sex. Something you can't control.
If I'm wrong on something and if I'm too stupid to see that I got carried away in a conversation, which might have happend in the past, I would appreciate to just be called out as a person. Not as a member of a group.

MorningsEleven · 23/02/2019 08:35

I think it's born into them. My eight year old occasionally tries to mansplain stuff to me - it doesn't go down well.

DH has almost given up since I told him that I turn my mind completely sky blue, stop listening and go into a meditative state when he starts on. It's quite relaxing.

saccade · 23/02/2019 08:38

Oh darn I had just spent 20 minutes dissecting his subsequent riposte with surgical precision. Essentially his first post was

'This is clearly true because I say so'

and when challenged he returned with

'This is very clearly true because it is obviously self evident'.

Literally zero data to back anything up.

Interestingly he claimed to have spent 10 years 'at uni in Computational Linguistics'. Surely anyone who'd presumably gone onto postgrad and research would have something other than emotion to loosely link black and white deterministic assertions to GSCE-level pop psychology terms? Unless he spent 10 years getting his undergrad? That's a genuine question by the way - how can you spend 10 years in academia and be that unaware about how unrobustly you've drawn conclusions?

Grammarist · 23/02/2019 08:39

@StreetwiseHercules
It unfortunately isn't an unusual or extreme reaction. Happens a lot in my house and I have many female friends who are experiencing similar with their partners. Lucky for you that you think this is odd.

I've had cases of mansplaining levelled at me over the years and it has been a very unpleasant experience each and every time. Yes, there's a huge difference between someone being a patronising twat (irrespective of their gender) and mansplaining and it's a term that definitely doesn't fit all 'man being a condescending idiot' situations.

OP posts:

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 08:43

“And how can you POSSIBLY know that when you have no chance of experiencing it as a man?”

Because I live in the world.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/02/2019 08:43

Streetwise
It is happening all around us and it is happening in different ways. It is happening every time basic biology is ignored.

JacquesHammer · 23/02/2019 08:43

grammarist did your OH start with “well actually....”

echt · 23/02/2019 08:44

Because I live in the world

Of course.

JacquesHammer · 23/02/2019 08:44

I mean, if you’re a bloke and you don’t mansplain then great, criticism of mansplaining isn’t about you.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/02/2019 08:45

Might help to remember ...

Grammarist · 23/02/2019 08:47

@JacquesHammer Yes. Yes he did!

OP posts:

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 08:47

I have a son and a daughter. I won’t accept either of the growing up being gaslighted or having pejoratives attached to them because of their protected characteristics.

My son has none of this baggage. The first person to accuse him of mansplaining will get a vociferous response from me.

JacquesHammer · 23/02/2019 08:48

The first person to accuse him of mansplaining will get a vociferous response from me

Rather than considering whether it was justified....?

“Vociferous response” Arf

JacquesHammer · 23/02/2019 08:50

Grammarist

I wish I’d patented the phrase, I’d be rich

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/02/2019 08:50

The first person to accuse him of mansplaining will get a vociferous response from me. Surely you have brought him up to be able to stand on his own 2 feet?

EwItsAHooman · 23/02/2019 08:52

Maybe 50 years ago. The society I live in is not like that anymore and hasn’t been for quite some time.

Ask any woman who has ever been in a work-based meeting how many times she has made a contribution to that meeting only to have a man then pipe up "I think what she's trying to say is...." followed by a repeat of exactly what she's just said.

Advanced Search the many MN threads where male posters have arrived with much pomp and circumstance to explain to us why we are wrong. In particular any threads discussing violence against women and specifically the thread where a male user offered to teach everyone here computer skills.

Google the many examples out there of men getting involved in situations that have absolutely nothing to do with them and being patronising to the women dealing with that situation.

Because I live in the world.

As a man.

NotaTrollorPBP · 23/02/2019 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 08:53

“Surely you have brought him up to be able to stand on his own 2 feet?”

He is 6 years old.

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Theducksarenotmyfriends · 23/02/2019 08:53

Saccade - you're a hero

Thegoodthere · 23/02/2019 08:54

I do wish you'd stop wittering on about "protected characteristics".

If you're as forward to thinking as you claim (ha) then your son won't mansplain, will he? However your daughter will experience a shitload of misogyny and street harassment, so please don't belittle her experience when she does. K thx.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/02/2019 08:54

“As a man.”

Stop referring negatively to my protected characteristics. It’s unacceptable. ✋

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