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AIBU?

The use of 'RIP'

122 replies

Bumblebeezy · 21/02/2019 11:48

Given that the use of RIP as an abbreviation when someone dies is so widely used and accepted I'm sure I'll be told that I am being very unreasonable but I strongly dislike it!!

I realise when someone uses it they do so with respectful intentions but surely when someone has died it's not really all that huge an amount of extra trouble to type 'rest in peace' (or I suppose the original Latin, 'requiescat in pace')?

Whenever I see it I just think it sounds so lazy, unimaginative, and insincere in the face of something as profound as death. If you are going to make a genuine gesture of respect then why do it with as little effort as possible?

It's not as though people are painstakingly engraving a tombstone, just typing for seconds on a keyboard.

I don't get it!

OP posts:

Report

shortlongterm · 21/02/2019 16:06

RIP in pepperonis

longwayoff · 21/02/2019 16:38

Fair enough bumblebeezy, I'm feeling tetchy. I apologise

toomuchtooold · 21/02/2019 17:38

@implantsandaDyson so it's because it's seen as a prayer for the dead, and they don't do prayers for the dead? I'm trying to remember what the (Church of Scotland) minister said at my dad's funeral, but not much stuck. We had Catholic hymns and it was in the coop parlour so a fairly ecumenical service anyway...

MamaLovesMango · 21/02/2019 18:15

No I didn’t miss the point. Those are examples for what else you can say rather than writing an impersonal and lazy RIP. I actually like to write something that is personal to the family or the person that died and might use one of those sentences amongst others. I’d rather take 10 minutes and think hard over writing something to a grieving person, than a thoughtless 30 seconds.

Insomnibrat · 21/02/2019 18:22

Agree totally, ice always found RIP glib and flippant.

NonExistentFox · 21/02/2019 19:06

After Mark Speight's suicide his father said, "Sleep well in eternity, you have earned your rest," which I did find moving.

I fucking HATE "lost her battle with cancer". Read Illness As Metaphor and STFU.

sagradafamiliar · 21/02/2019 21:12

I've always found it respectful in a formal, old fashioned way. It's what you say if an acquaintance or someone in the community dies and you want to acknowledge it but at the same time aren't going to start gushing about your favourite memories of them.
Much prefer it to all the 'spread your wings, fly high' stuff.

Youseethethingis · 21/02/2019 22:44

Warped galaxy it is bizarre to me that you think that “RIP” is what I wanted to hear when I was bereaved. The person I loved and will grieve for until my own last breath has gone forever and all you can muster, in your virtue signalling “look at me being all concerned and sympathetic” manner is “RIP”? That’s all the effort they deserve? Not even a fully formed cliche?
People are different. I find it chilly and dismissive. You find it a comfort. Good for you.

WarpedGalaxy · 21/02/2019 23:02

Youseethethinis I have no idea what you wanted to hear when you lost your loved one but if you were doing a word count or calculating the time it took for people to compose a their message in the midst of your mourning then hey, I guess we really do all grieve differently. For me I have just been appreciative of any and all messages I have had from friends and family and complete strangers at the times of my bereavements to get too worked up about how eloquently worded or 'personal' they were. I took them as I'm sure they were meant, sincere expressions of condolence no matter how brief.

Youseethethingis · 22/02/2019 08:08

I just told you - the effort of a full sentence. Or it comes across as insincere and flippant. To me that is. My point is we are different and there was no need in the “sniffy judgeypants” comment, as if I don’t know grief. But I’m just a random on the internet so whatever.

Sewrainbow · 22/02/2019 08:31

I agree with you

Sewrainbow · 22/02/2019 08:33

I agree with you op that should be!

ErrolTheDragon · 22/02/2019 08:47

It's not a very modern phenomenon you see it on old graves in my local graveyard

Anyone decrying the modern use of acronyms and abbreviations should take a look at Roman memorials.

Cooroo · 22/02/2019 08:50

Death is a minefield! To me RIP is traditional and respectful, suitable for a brief message of sympathy. If it was someone closer I'd write a card to family members with proper memories about the deceased, but for a Facebook friend I don't know IRL it is a good way to acknowledge their loss without over-doing it.

Now I know so many people hate it - what can I say? I'm good with "I'm sorry for your loss" but apparently that's wrong too.

I don't remember exactly what people said when mum died, but I know I was grateful for every message and didn't waste time analysing them. (As an atheist I would have cringed a bit at mention of angels, but it wouldn't hurt me!)

Rockybooboo · 22/02/2019 09:08

When my dad died, I was grateful that people cared. I certainly didn't worry about whether they had worded it correctly. It's hard to know what to say when someone dies.

Youseethethingis · 22/02/2019 09:10

“Sad to hear about Jim”
“Jim was a great guy”
“Rest in peace, Jim”
“Jim’s back in Linda’s arms again”

All standard phrases but all a million times more meaningful than...

“RIP”

Parthenope · 22/02/2019 09:10

Anyone decrying the modern use of acronyms and abbreviations should take a look at Roman memorials.

Yes!

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 22/02/2019 09:40

I don’t mind RIP, in long or short form, the sentiment is a kind one and centres the person who has died.

I loathe I’m sorry for your loss. I think it’s trite and twee. Hypocrical of me, because it’s also meant kindly, but it’s not a “loss”, it’s a devastating bereavement. You don’t lose people down the back of a settee.

Bumblebeezy · 22/02/2019 09:47

I don't think anyone is decrying modern use of acronyms in general. Apart from Xmas which I agree is awful. They function to save time which is completely sensible and useful in many cases.

My argument is that in making a thoughtful message of condolence the time-saving benefit of initialisation is at cross purposes with the aim of the message.

AIBU itself is initialisation and clearly none of us have an issue with the time saved typing out that lot here

OP posts:

StrangeLookingParasite · 23/02/2019 14:13

I don't think anyone is decrying modern use of acronyms in general. Apart from Xmas which I agree is awful.

Modern only if you think the 16th century is modern.

Why yes, this has come up a few times before.

Bumblebeezy · 23/02/2019 16:50

That's interesting @StrangeLookingParasite, I had no idea Xmas originated that way! Still not keen though, although it is infinitely better than 'chrimbo'

OP posts:

Oldraver · 25/02/2019 15:35

Yes I've never liked seeing it written down, I always read it as rip

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