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AIBU?

The use of 'RIP'

122 replies

Bumblebeezy · 21/02/2019 11:48

Given that the use of RIP as an abbreviation when someone dies is so widely used and accepted I'm sure I'll be told that I am being very unreasonable but I strongly dislike it!!

I realise when someone uses it they do so with respectful intentions but surely when someone has died it's not really all that huge an amount of extra trouble to type 'rest in peace' (or I suppose the original Latin, 'requiescat in pace')?

Whenever I see it I just think it sounds so lazy, unimaginative, and insincere in the face of something as profound as death. If you are going to make a genuine gesture of respect then why do it with as little effort as possible?

It's not as though people are painstakingly engraving a tombstone, just typing for seconds on a keyboard.

I don't get it!

OP posts:

Report

ifyoulikepinacolada · 21/02/2019 13:36

Requiescat in Pace literally translates to ‘May They Rest In Peace’ though - it’s a wish not an order! So Rest In Peace is an abbreviation anyway. And if it’s acceptable to abbreviate it... etc etc (I’m sure you see my point!)

toomuchtooold · 21/02/2019 13:36

@implantsandaDyson so it is a real thing after all. Thank you - I've wondered for ages about that!

implantsandaDyson · 21/02/2019 13:38

toomuchtooold I hope this link works -post preview isn't working atm!
www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-northern-ireland-40705687

BIWI · 21/02/2019 13:40

I really don't get why it irritates you! It's been used as an abbreviation for years and years, along with the other Latin abbreviations e.g. and i.e.

... and the French RSVP.

BIWI · 21/02/2019 13:41

Oh, and etc. (Or 'ect' as it's usually written online!)

lonalsland · 21/02/2019 13:44

My computer at work requires it when someone has died

MargoLovebutter · 21/02/2019 13:47

To anyone I know who is vaguely religious at all, I will always close my condolences about their dead relative / friend with "May they rest in peace". I was brought up to do it that way.

However, if I don't know the person that well or I know they are not religious, then I wouldn't!

FermatsTheorem · 21/02/2019 13:52

My personal experience with the loss of people I loved is that I was very appreciative of anyone who took the time to contact me and express sympathy, regardless of how it was expressed (I got a lot of "sorry for your loss", "RIP", etc.).

Not everyone is good with words, or has the educational good fortune to be able to express themselves fluently. Set phrases help people - they allow them to say something without worrying they've got it wrong or can't find the right words. It's not laziness or triteness. It's simply an honest attempt to negotiate a situation which is emotionally difficult for anyone with an ounce of empathy.

I would hate to think anyone would be put off contacting a friend who had lost a loved one, or expressing their own grief, by someone setting rules about the appropriate literary standard to be reached before you're allowed to talk/write about it.

Corrag · 21/02/2019 13:53

I dislike it as well. Not because people abbreviate it but because I think they say/type it without thinking what it means. It's nonsensical. As a previous poster said, the deceased person is not resting, peacefully or otherwise.

Squirrelblanket · 21/02/2019 13:58

I hate it too! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

MargoLovebutter · 21/02/2019 14:04

It's not nonsensical at all. When you say it and mean it, you are wishing the soul of the person who has died, peace. It is a religious saying, and you are hoping that the deceased is now resting peacefully with God in heaven, as opposed to being tormented by the devil in hell!

That's why I wouldn't say it to someone who I know isn't religious. Even though I'm no longer religious myself, I would never take offence if it was well-intentioned. It is a kindly thing to say about the dead person.

Parthenope · 21/02/2019 14:16

People do realise that 'RIP' isn't some irritating internet meme for the FB generation, right? It occurs at the conclusion of one of the standard Catholic prayers for the dead:

"Eternal rest grant to him, O Lord; and let light perpetual shine upon him. May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace."

Hence it being a standard thing to put on memorial cards and gravestones. I assume that it's leaked out and become popular as an acronym and all-purpose online response to death because of both its brevity and the fact that it doesn't specifically suggest belief in any particular kind of afterlife.

Findingthingstough18 · 21/02/2019 14:19

Nobody is denying that grief can be difficult to manage. I assume we've all experienced it in our lives.

My essay post, was more about the role of Facebook and how:

No, it was about you listing all the people you're better than.

Corrag · 21/02/2019 14:20

It's not nonsensical at all. When you say it and mean it, you are wishing the soul of the person who has died, peace. It is a religious saying, and you are hoping that the deceased is now resting peacefully with God in heaven, as opposed to being tormented by the devil in hell!

Which is what makes it nonsensical in my opinion. They're not at peace, they're dead. Not with god in heaven, dead. I know this is not everybody's view but it is mine and therefore I dislike the term because it is nonsensical.

Findingthingstough18 · 21/02/2019 14:22

I have a friend who seems to play some kind of health bingo on FB constantly posts about her autistic son (diagnosed at 2 confused), her miscarriage, her Lupas, her fibromyalgia, her mother’s health.

BUT this is a women who also previous to this lost her teenage son to cancer and posts a lot about that too and I think this is her way of coping and it’s all interconnected.

Wow, it's pretty amazing that you'd look at someone who had been through all that and judge them on how they use social media. What's even more amazing is that you typed that out and still thought 'yeah, I'll add in a brief caveat about her having lost a child, but aside from that I'm good to go on implying she's an overreacting drama queen'. Clearly she has a lot of problems - what do you think might be wrong with you?

Pk37 · 21/02/2019 14:23

I don’t like it either and never use it.
I agree it sounds and looks lazy so I see it as abit disrespectful

Pk37 · 21/02/2019 14:25

And yes I know it means Rest in peace , so write that rather than just “RIP”

Toddlerteaplease · 21/02/2019 14:32

I agree. I'd rather use the Latin. But I like Latin anyway.

WarpedGalaxy · 21/02/2019 14:34

Interested to know what you people use instead? You’re all picking at RIP (too lazy and disrespectful); Rest In Peace (too religious and they’re not resting, they’re dead); sorry for your loss (too American). So what are the substitutes that aren’t cliched, trite and overused but profoundly meaningful and fit the occasion without writing a 2 page eulogy?

longwayoff · 21/02/2019 14:41

OP don't be riduculous

MamaLovesMango · 21/02/2019 15:37

Interested to know what you people use instead?

‘Deceased/died’ in a professional capacity.
‘I’m so sorry to hear that’
‘He/she will be very missed’
‘He/she was very loved by their family and friends’

I prefer to be personal when dealing with a grieving person and like to focus on the people left behind. In my own experience, I found the impersonal language used (plus the generic sympathy cards and morbid ‘appropriate’ wreaths of white flowers) to be a bit of a kick whilst I was down. So I try to do the opposite.

Pk37 · 21/02/2019 15:41

What I use instead ?
Depends on whose died ! I don’t have a one size fits all for people passing away

Bumblebeezy · 21/02/2019 15:49

I probably am being ridiculous in fairness @longwayoff but it looks like I'm not the only one which is a small comfort!

For the record, it's purely the abbreviation of RIP that I object to personally- I haven't any issue with the phrase itself or any desire to critique or analyse people's' choice of consolation wording/spelling so long as it's written in full.

I don't have an issue with abbreviations in general either and disagree with those that say that using RSVP is the same thing. It's not the same thing at all- an RSVP is generally a pretty casual thing, not an abbreviation used to express something sincere and heartfelt.

OP posts:

WarpedGalaxy · 21/02/2019 15:57

^Deceased/died’ in a professional capacity.
‘I’m so sorry to hear that’
‘He/she will be very missed’
‘He/she was very loved by their family and friends’^

I guess you missed the point about not being trite, cliche and overused? I see all those phrases as just as bog-standard 'formulaic' as 'RIP' or 'sorry for your loss' are and I too use them.
It kind of confirms my view that it's simply a matter of judgmentalism about people's preferred styles - like using sitting room instead of lounge. None of your phrases conveys any more meaning or respect to me than a simple 'RIP John' or a 'so sorry for your loss, Jane.'
Tomay-toes, tomah-toes in other words.

BIWI · 21/02/2019 16:04

RSVP is actually a pretty formal thing - always on invitations!

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