To be revolted by husband swearing at 9 week old baby

[Fate32]

I heard my husband swearing at our nine week old baby because she had a bit of reflux, AIBU to be revolted by this?

Yep - over reaction

Chill. That's nothing!

You're overreacting.

I had a reflux baby.

"Oh for fucks sake" was my motto. It wasn't aimed at the baby, it was just frustration over the situation.

I'm sure I saw a thing on TV once about how swearing was a really effective way of releasing tension.

I expected you to say he called her a fcking insert whatever. I think you are really overreacting. If all he said was that, then he didn't swear at* her, and all parents swear like that sometimes, it's completely normal.

I remember reading about a study where two groups of people put their hands in buckets of icy water. One group were encouraged to swear and the other weren't allowed to swear. The sweary group were able to hold their hands under water longer than the non-sweary group. There are numerous other studies slthat suggesting that swearing may help with endurance/release stress.

Needless to say, I swore a lot when my refluxy and colicky baby didn't sleep for almost a year. When he hit about six months I started cutting down on the swearing and ended up just muttering, and now I just swear in my head.

Get that bubble wrap ready OP. If you're revolted by this then the next 17 years is going to be a bumpy ride

New baby
Both knackered
Both human
These first weeks test even the calmest people and that's without reflux.
Congratulations on your baby though!

When I was sleep deprived I said similar V often! And I would die for my dc.I think you are being a bit U sorry

I had a very sicky baby, they needed an OP eventually. But I am sure that there was some swearing when he had thrown up for the umpteenth time, covering him, us and everything around.

It's just frustration and venting. Not aimed at the baby.

I mean this kindly OP, you’re massively over reacting.

I used to chunter ‘shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up’ through clench teeth in a sort of huffing tone... DH once came in at 3am and asked why I was doing Thomas the Tank engine - apparently all he could had in the monitor was some kinds of ‘chuffer chuffer chuff, chuffer chuffer chuff’ he’s was genuinely interested to know if it worked 😂

YABU.

DS had reflux. I swore like a trooper for MONTHS. It did not mean anything more than exasperation as yet another one of my cushions got covered in vomit and that I was totally knackered coping with it.

My son is almost one now, and I am consciously trying to never swear in front of him, as if dh.

When he was a tiny baby with reflux and only liked to sleep in the day on one of us why won't you fucking sleep has definitely come out of mouth as has for fucks sake when he pooed in my hand as I got him out the bath, and the time he had a poo explosion on my fresh sheets (fresh because he'd puked all over the last ones) and I had no more clean duvet covers.

Dh used to say .... stop being a knobhead in the middle of the night while cuddling him, feeding him and tenderly kissing his head. It's all about context.

😂 of course you’re being unreasonable. First baby by any chance?? Don’t be so dramatic! Revolted?! Good God.

Yabu, it’s a reaction to the reflux not the baby.

I think its a bit of an overraction tbh - my DC had reflux and I can honestly say I swore quite a lot during that time! I swore because my clothes got covered in sick a second after putting fresh ones on. I swore because DC's crying just went on and on. I swore because I was frustrated. I swore because I didn't know what to do to help my little DC feel better.

I have equally sworn at my DC when he was a baby too (and now, even when he's a toddler I sometimes can be found swearing in my head or under my breath when its just a bit too much - I'd never swear out loud to him as he's a complete parrot!). Parenting is hard work, we all need to vent sometimes and none of us is perfect.

It's probably a good idea to start training yourselves to have different words before they start repeating them.

I remember a disastrous work morning with my then nearly 2 year old who filled his nappy just as I was trying to get out, already late. As I wrestled him to the changing mat, this was out little chat

Oh shit no!

Oh sit!

Oh God no don't say that

Oh Dod!

Aaaaargh!,,

Huhuhuhuh

Sounds like more frustration than swearing at her. Reflux babies are hard work (been there, done that).

I think there is a difference between saying “Oh for fucks’ sake” vs “You’re a fucking cunt”.

Huge overreaction I think to the former. Sure, some people never swear, and some people (me!) swear a fair bit. I’m not violent, I don’t ever condone violence, but swearing is a way to let off the building steam and express frustration at something. Perfectly innocent and perfectly fine even around a baby I think.

Yep, overreaction. I've been known to mutter similarly under my breath.

I'm going against the consensus here, but actually, this wouldn't be ok with me. OP has said that he'd only been looking after her for a few minutes and doesn't say anything in particular happened in that time to justify him feeling so frustrated or lacking in patience and empathy. She says he wasn't sleep deprived at the time either.
It wouldn't be the swearing per se that worried me, more that he had such a short fuse and lacked empathy and patience for a little baby with reflux.
I'm afraid it would be a red flag for me, and I'd be wondering what he'd be like in a more stressful situation in the middle of the night when he is feeling dog tired etc.

It's probably a good idea to start training yourselves to have different words before they start repeating them.

I find you just start saying it in your head a lot more. Then when they are teenagers your vocal chords limber up again.

There are a million other strategies and ones I still use now. My favourite is giving them both fingers and silently screaming ‘fuck you’ behind their back when they are being an absolute arsehole. I have teens/young adults, sometimes they can be absolute arseholes.

I don’t think saying ‘for fucks sake’ in regards to the situation with a reflux baby is lacking patience and empathy. I had one really sick with reflux for ages, is still medicated for as a teen actually. When you are doing 30kg of washing a day it’s a perfectly reasonable response. It’s not swearing at the baby, it’s swearing in frustration at the situation and does not mean you lack patience or empathy.

It’s like the universal ‘go the fuck to sleep’ chant. Most parents have done this under their breath thousands of times over the years. Sure there will be some perfect parent who has not, just like I’m sure there is a goose that lays golden eggs somewhere, but pretty much any typical parent has done this. Doesn’t mean you don’t live your kids, just means you’re perfectly human.

I hate this idea that parents need to be perfectly poised and calm, never get overwhelmed etc.

I think it’s actually quite damaging - it stops parents from seeking help if they need it and makes people feel ashamed when they’re actually perfectly normal.

There is a world of difference between an “oh for fucks sake” brief outburst; and handling them roughly and screaming obscenities. Equating one with the other really is not helpful.

I won’t stick the boot in, OP, as you’re still in ultra-protective mode, so hearing someone swear at your darling little baby is shocking, but as PP said, at some point it will probably be you wanting to swear!