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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member winding up my dog

35 replies

ddodprob · 12/01/2019 22:43

This sounds like a minor moan but am getting so pissed off.

I have a family member who comes to my home maybe around once every couple of months. My dog is a small breed and really still a puppy at one years old and can a bit excited when greeting people.

This person comes in and “winds up” (his own words) my dog from the moment he arrives until the moment he leaves- think waving hands around near dogs face, forcefully pushing him over to tickle his belly etc. Nothing nasty bit it gets my dog over excited and it’s almkst stressful to be around. My dog can be over exhiberant when greeting visitors but I’m trying to train him and if ignored he calms down after like two minutes but this family member keeps the dogs hyper with his stupid games - and it’s exhausting. I’ve sakd very clearly “don’t wind him up as (insert reasons including “he might bark and piss off neighbours, he doesn’t calm down, it’s ruinint our evening” but he persists. How on earth do I deal with this?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2019 22:49

Tell your family member to fuck off and don't allow them into your home. Problem solved.

userschmoozer · 12/01/2019 22:51

Tell him until he can learn to stop marking his territory in your home he can stay away,.

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 22:58

Oh gosh wish I could tell them to fuck off - but it’s genuineli complex

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 12/01/2019 23:01

He is potentially going to ruin all your training. This is actually quite serious. A young dog is very impressionable and letting him learn unsuitable behaviour could be really bloody hard to train him out of.

I’m afraid you’re going to have to square up to the relation and say you’re sorry but you’re taking this very seriously and if he doesn’t do what the fuck he’s told in your house and show a bit of bloody respect then he won’t be coming any more.

Don’t let him ruin your poor dog. It’ll be you having to deal with the fallout when your dog gets wound up by someone’s over excited child and bites them thinking he’s playing.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 12/01/2019 23:03

Similar problem. Ddog goes off into the utility room and guest is told its because ddog fucking hates him.

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:05

@miss I think that’s the stance I may take - you are tuning my training!

OP posts:
userschmoozer · 12/01/2019 23:06

I agree thats the only alternative, and I wouldn't shut the pup away without saying something. Their behaviour in your home is just not acceptable.

Maelstrop · 12/01/2019 23:07

You remove the dog from the situation. Poor bloody dog. Don't let the relative near him and tell him why. Why is it complex? If someone did this to my dog, they would be bollocked, family member or not. Is he neurotypical?

mimibunz · 12/01/2019 23:08

I agree with the other PPs. Your dog has to be safe in his house. He can’t go anywhere else, so your family member must be spoken to very seriously or prevented from coming round for several months.

AmericanEskimoDoge · 12/01/2019 23:08

Maybe tell him you're trying to train the dog to be calmer when people visit. I doubt that will help, since he doesn't pay attention to your other objections.

Could you put the dog in another room (door closed) when he visits? I know this wouldn't work well with my own dogs, but if there's enough of a sound barrier...

Is it possible to hold the dog while he visits? Just pick up the dog when the visitor starts messing with him? It could be another way of more forcibly demonstrating, "No, I'm really not happy with this situation; leave my dog alone."

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:12

@april - I wish ddog would go off - my last dog was an aloof breed and would have just given him the “stare” and fucked off. My new little dog loves people and does tend to jump on someone’s lap for a cuddle (or potential belly rubs), which is fine as people visiting my Home know that. Bit this relative plays so roughly and consistently it really kisses me off

OP posts:
LionsHeart · 12/01/2019 23:15

If he continues to torment your dog, he may well over excite it until it attacks & bites.
Are you ready to have your dog put down if/when this happens?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2019 23:16

If you refuse to act like an adult and put this person in their place then why are you asking for advise? I ask this sincerely. As the owner of this dog, it is your responsibility to look after their welfare. Apparently you won't do this and instead allow this person to abuse your dog. Am I missing something?

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:19

I don’t want to shut ddog away (he’s never usually shut anywhere as no need usually) and I think it would distress him.
He’s a placid bit friendly little dog and used to being around people - I would have no need to close him off so think he may become distressed - and don’t see why I should do this.

I know people say this all the time - but the circumstances are genuinely outing (not in a a cycling is my hobby way), but family connection is genuinely delicate

OP posts:
RedLife · 12/01/2019 23:19

Keep them separate till he leaves 🤷🏽‍♂️

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:21

Urgh - have just re-read Mj own responses and realised I sound like someone who says aibu - and then gives excuses... so I think it’s simple - will avoid family member coming to my home

OP posts:
Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:27

@aquamarine - a bit harsh but I see what you are saying and take it on board. I’m very much a grown up in my 40s bit the situation is an unusual one and ddog isn’t being treated “nastily” but more in a way that o don’t like. However as per my previous post - I won’t let him into my home from now on

OP posts:
bbcessex · 12/01/2019 23:41

OP

Imagine your dog as a child; if you were trying to keep an excitable child calm for their own good, you wouldn’t accept this from a visitor.

Think the same way about your dog. If your family member deliberately winds them up, and you know, allow and enable it, you’re letting your dog down & potentially setting them up for big problems.

Original poster
ddodprob · 12/01/2019 23:57

@bbc - yes I see that and have decided not to let him come to my home

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 13/01/2019 00:00

If you’re going to @ posters on here, I think you need to put the full username. If you don’t, then someone else will be getting emails saying they’ve been tagged if their username is actually the shortened version you are using.

Yearofthemum · 13/01/2019 00:03

Sounds as though the person annoying the dog has an inferiority complex.

Original poster
ddodprob · 13/01/2019 00:04

@ChrisjenAvasarala how helpful thank you

OP posts:
cowfacemonkey · 13/01/2019 00:06

My ddog is a just over a year old and so far my dad has never met him, nor will he because I know he would wind him up constantly, he's an aggravating bastard. No bloody way am I letting him cause behaviour and training problems for my dog.

Goldmandra · 13/01/2019 00:07

There are other times it is appropriate for dogs to be shut away so it's worthwhile putting in some training time to make it a positive experience. Then if you ever have to call an ambulance or have a guest who is scared of dogs, you'll be able to put the dog safely in his own space, knowing he will be happy to wait.

Original poster
ddodprob · 13/01/2019 00:08

It’s hard to explain but me and dh noted that, despite us being quite clear about leaving the dog alone he just doesn’t seem to be able to just stroke the dog calmly. Mj ddog is still young and very excitable when people arrive but usually calms down in Five minutes or so... it’s like he extends that excitement for hours and it’s exhausting

OP posts:
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