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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

jealous sil

13 replies

hifi · 29/06/2007 14:21

aibu to want to have it out with sil after years of snide remarks about our lifestyle?she has just called and said i sounded tired, i replied i had been up late then up early doing loads of crap, she then said how can you be tired when you dont work and your cleaners there? it really pisses me off, dh never believes me when i tell him what she has said.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 29/06/2007 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hifi · 29/06/2007 14:31

shes comming around tomorrow so i want to say something, really angry as she has said some pretty nasty things in the past and i have kept quiet.

OP posts:
donnie · 29/06/2007 14:32

write down the things she said and read them back to her.

pagwatch · 29/06/2007 15:29

My sister used to be like this and I used to get really upset and defensive. A good friend of mine then made a great suggestion which was to drop the naturally modest approach and really ladle it on. So "its alright for you living in a huge house like that" was greeted with "yes I know, it is fabulous. But when I lived in a pokey little place like you i still used to try and make the best of it - its all about attitude".
So under the 'rich bitch' rules you should now say " well it is tiring having to go around the house and check that the cleaners have done it properly" and " of course I'm tired - it took me ages to decide what to wear today".
It kind of left my sister with no where to go. It was also hugely enjoyable to be completely out of character and outrageously bitchy. In the end she even saw the funny side which was so much better than a confrontation. The point being that she WAS jealous and had I been all upset with her I would have yet again put her in the position of feeling 'worse' than me. How she was feeling was nothing to do with reality and just about the fact that she was so fed up with her life - we both started out the same its just our lives headed in different directions. Thats not her fault but it isn't mine either...

Weegle · 29/06/2007 15:29

If you really want to say something it has to be in direct response to things at the time she says them. You risk looking silly and immature if you actually make it an issue. Next time she says something like that assertively say "oh I know I just don't have the stamina that you clearly have to cope with running around after the kids, and doing xyz, you're obviously a far better person than me"... stop her dead in her tracks. Then see if she makes another comment.

Original poster
hifi · 29/06/2007 16:54

thanks for some top tips, im so gobsmacked most of the time i find it difficult to respond asap, as she makes such comments in nearly every conversation ill have to be more prepared and give her some of her own medicine.

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 29/06/2007 16:59

Do you need to say anything? I let a lot wash over me for the sake of family harmony. Sounds like simple jealousy. I'd ignore it TBH.

Original poster
hifi · 29/06/2007 17:03

i let everything wash over me when it comes to dh family, ive had it for 14 years and getting ready to blow!

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 29/06/2007 17:06

Well yes. My relationship with my inlawa (apart from lovely BIL) is, um, strained. But they're DH's family, he loves them, it's not worth a row.

Original poster
hifi · 29/06/2007 17:08

i dont want a row, just want to tell her shes out of order. i have stuck up for myself once or twice , she came around after i had done a big shop and asked for a bottle of wine and washing up liquid, i said no.

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 29/06/2007 17:11

If you tell her she's out of order, will that cause a row?

I don't know - if you really think you need to say something then do so, but I know that it would cause ructions in my family. Think about what the fallout might be and how you plan to handle it.

domu · 29/06/2007 17:24

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to have it out with her to end the bitchy remarks.
But the thing is she IS jealous and if I was in a similar situation as you I probably would avoid saying anything that caused her to be bitchy towards you.
I have a very good friend who has lots of home help but often complains of being tired because she 'had to go out late to get her nails done'. I'm so far from that kind of lifestyle and sometimes think 'oh ffs how could you be tired?' but I would never say it (that's where I differ from your sil).

Also if someone was pissing me off for that long I would not answer the call to chat about how tired I was. Avoid, avoid, avoid and prevent a split between dh and his family.

mumto3girls · 29/06/2007 17:28

I would pretend to be deaf every time she said something rude ( in the style of Little BRitains fat club lady) cup your hand to your ear and say 'sorry didn't get that' 'sorry say again' sorry again please, didn't quite hear that..'nope never mind....'.

It will infuriate her and you can pysl later..

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