To be a bit annoyed and upset that my childless friend is criticising my parenting?

[mylittlefreya]

My 6 month old dd still wakes at night to feed, usually once or twice. She also has the endearing baby habit of occasionally thinking that 2am is a good time to play, and more often that 5am a good time to get up. This is making me quite tired, sometimes a bit low, and some of my friendships have suffered.

Including that with my best friend from school. She came - it's quite a distance - when dd was around 6 weeks old, and though I've not seen her since, have kept in touch though less frequently. In a conversation yesterday, she said that dd shouldn't really be getting up at night now, and that it was time for me to get tough, and make sure it didn't go on any longer.

There are several reasons why I disagree in principle, but mostly I just feel a bit upset that she has come out and said that. Am I being far too sensitive? Or is it reasonable to feel a bit attacked by that?

I agree childless friends can be tackless, my own lovely brother can irritate me beyond belief as he doesn;t realise you can;t fight every battle ('are you going to let him get away with that..?)
BUT
Are you sure the reason you're so upset is that a teensy weeny bit of you secretly agrees with her......

Lots of support, thank you, you're right - and I probably did it to other friends (I so hope not though).

Muppetgirl - I know that getting tough might eliminate night wakings, she's right. And I would have more sleep. But I am trying to stick to the reasons I don't want to do that, and my personal trait is to feel defensive and cornered by having to justify myself. So in a way you are right - I kind of wish I did agree with her!

And I am also in agreement that she is not being malicious - it was probably more of a throwaway comment.

Oh how irritating...some people are just a bit stupid when it comes to babies and haven't got the experience themselves...

My best mate expected me to go to her wedding 300 miles away, on the train, alone, with an 8 week old baby. This was before she had her own. It took her having her own to get us back on speaking terms.

Let it ride, though avoid her a bit if it helps...she just doesn't understand! But yes, I'd feel pissed off

my guess is that you were probably talking about your baby? I'm not sure what a friend without a baby is meant to contribute to the conversation? it is probably quite tricky to say anything without it pissing off the mum!

id let it go and make a mental note to change the conversation to something you actually value her opinion on

Childless friends and new parents don't really mix well until they catch up on having babies. Just smile sweetly and think nice thoughts about her.

FWIW, my daughter often loses her toys in the middle of the night or wants retucking into bed. She's just turned 7 so it doesn't stop once the night feeds stop.

someone once said to me that the best parents are the ones without kids. agree with all the advice here. you're not being unreasonable but trying to make her see that she's being extremely tiresome is probably a non-starter. drop into conversation (pretending that you're talking about yourself) how funny it is when you become a parent that you never end up the type of parent you thought you would be or doing things the way you thought you would.

OP
What a PIA. I have a friend who's a bit like that - agree with hatwoman: people love to give advice, esp when they don't have kids. another friend of a friend (26 year old bloke who's just completed psychotherapy training and has LOADS of ideas about attachment and working mums - mostly very negative) who barely knows me and loves to expound on his views. I feel for you - try to ignore it.

Ha ha bloody ha. I used to be like that (well in thinking that is, not giving advice) - how naive was I?! I'm sure she means well though, but she'll just have to find out for herself in time.