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AIBU to feel insulted for having to pay for Christmas dinner at my SIL?

360 replies

Headwir3 · 06/01/2019 21:05

My SIL said she would host Christmas this year as she has a big new house and plenty of room for us all. I asked if I should bring something and she said she would just do a shop and split the cost. She did suggest we bring our own alcohol. I thought it was a little odd, as did my hubby but he reminded me that she was cheap and the food wouldn’t cost that much anyway! Best to just agree with it instead of making a fuss.

Anyway we had Christmas, I took up 5 bottles of wine (only drank one and my hubby didn’t drink any). Left them there when we left. We were given cereal for breakfast and tinned soup for lunch and a basic Christmas dinner. No puddings and just a little cheese for desert.

We just got the bill... it came to £40 each! AIBU to feel angry and insulted by this all? It doesn’t seem right to hand over money. Especially to family. Also I feel really ripped off! I don’t want to upset my husband, but his family are a new level of cheap. If I did that to my brother, he probably wouldn’t speak to me again!

OP posts:
KimchiLaLa · 06/01/2019 21:40

Happened to me last year. SIL told us we would need to pay her £65 for Xmas lunch. I got the impression we had funded her weekly shop.

Babygrey7 · 06/01/2019 21:40

who bills for Christmas dinner? Bonkers! If money is tight everyone can bring something, much more civilised

And £40 pp?! That is more expensive than eating out

And you brought wine?

You will have to choose between being equally petty (asking for wine cost back and or itemised bill) and being the bigger person. Whatever you choose, never have Christmas with them again!

KimchiLaLa · 06/01/2019 21:43

Forgot to mention she was at ours this year. I must have spent around £100 on the whole meal. Didn't ask her for a penny. It's simply not done and my DH wouldn't dream of it.

LagunaBubbles · 06/01/2019 21:46

Nothing wrong with contributing at all, but £40 a head? She's at it.

Iloveacurry · 06/01/2019 21:47

Very cheap. Ask for a discount for the wine you left there.

MountPheasant · 06/01/2019 21:47

Just to jump on and say- me and my siblings all offered to split the cost this year as my mum hosted and is a bit hard up. It wasn’t just the Christmas meal, it was all the good bought for the occasion. It came out at £35 per person, so £40 doesn’t sound too far off for a few days!

Given that you knew you were paying for food, I wouldn’t have left the wine there!

8misskitty8 · 06/01/2019 21:48

£40 ? 🙀 Maybe I should have charged the year I had mil/fil plus bil/sil and dn along with us 4.

I made 3 courses including turkey with all the trimmings as well as nibbles later in the evening. They stayed all day and sil drank like a fish and polished of 5 bottles of wine with mil plus some gin.
Sil brought a pudding and mil made stuffing.

But I didn’t/won’t as invited them all.

Each year I host 2 days over Christmas/boxing/1st/2nd. And the other 2 days we go to my parents one day and in-laws other day. We change which day we host and vice versa every year.

To charge is just rediculous. I’d send her a bill for the wine you brought.

thebaronetofcockburn · 06/01/2019 21:49

I'd go with Anotherusername's suggestion, and deduct the cost of the bottles of wine. I'd never go there again, either.

CatnissEverdene · 06/01/2019 21:51

Perhaps the tinned soup and breakfast cereal was from Harrods or Fortnum and Mason??

I'd ask for a breakdown of the bill as you are a little confused where this amount has come from? Are you paying towards her electric, tv and gas bills pro rata sort of thing??!

Loveweekends10 · 06/01/2019 21:52

Can’t get over her serving tinned soup on Xmas day. You should be charging her!

FlawedAmazon · 06/01/2019 21:53

Deduct what you paid for the wine and don't stay there again. She sounds like a total Scrooge.

lily2403 · 06/01/2019 21:53

I wouldn’t mind contributing £40 for good food but it sounded shit

I would never charge people for coming to mine, feel free to bring a pudding or some wine but that would be optional

Rosieposy4 · 06/01/2019 21:53

Meals sound grim but I reckon I easily could run to £40 per head over that time.
Roasted a big ham and poached a whole salmon for Christmas eve,
Eggs and decent bacon etc for Christmas breakfast, prawns, smoked salmon, blinis etc for lunch, Turkey was £75 by itself plus copious amounts of fresh cranberries, chestnuts with the sprouts, loads of champagne and fresh orange juice, packets of ground coffee, croissants etc etc. It is remarkable how it all adds up.

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 06/01/2019 21:56

Rosieposy4 wow!! Can we all come to yours next time please???!?

fiydwi · 06/01/2019 21:58

That’s outrageous!! Tell her you want a breakdown to how it could have possibly come to that much!
We went out for Christmas dinner this year and had a beautiful 3 course meal for £150 for 2 adults and 2 children including drinks and that was in a restaurant!!

Rosieposy4 · 06/01/2019 22:01

Justbin, of course, the more the merrier

Headwir3 · 06/01/2019 22:04

I’m in the OP...

Just to add, the food was from Aldi and the turkey was from the local butchers.
There were 7 adults and 3 toddlers that didn’t eat anything (well mine didn’t!)
She said she wasn’t charging the kids this year.
It’s the first time she hosted Christmas. I’ve spent Christmas with my in-laws in previous years but never been charged for food at their house.

Thanks all so much for the responses. I felt like I was going mad to feel awkward about it. My DH is pretty passive and doesn’t care but he can see how much it has upset me so he is wondering whether or not he should question the bill.

OP posts:
cathyandclare · 06/01/2019 22:04

I don't know, it was Xmas Eve to Boxing Day... I think 40 for two breakfasts, two suppers and one Xmas lunch is pretty good. I wouldn't charge my family, but if funds are tight I can imagine it could cost that.

Threadastaire · 06/01/2019 22:04

It's bad enough asking for money but £40?? We hosted Xmas this year, due to work commitments and lack of space we cheated and got the m&s Xmas food hamper thing. I thought that was indulgent, but even that only works out about £17 per head, very nice food that we wouldn't normally have, we fed 10 and had leftovers. Of course we separately spent a fortune on booze/cheese/cured meats etc (we hosted for 3days) but everyone we hosted had to travel and pay for accommodation so that was their contribution, and they've all been generous hosts when we have visited them.
I think your SIL has seen a restaurant menu and set her prices the same!

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 06/01/2019 22:06

Who on earth charges family or friends for coming over for food? I absolutely cannot fathom it.

Lifeofsmiley · 06/01/2019 22:07

Hosting at Christmas is expensive, I spent about £150 food shopping for the week and that wasn’t even for Christmas dinner or alcohol that was £65 pat a local hotel.
But I would never dream of charging people, if they really wanted to help they could bring a dessert or something.

Lifeofsmiley · 06/01/2019 22:07

Just don’t pay and see if she chases you on it

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2019 22:10

Wow she is a cheapskate. I think you have to pay and chalk it up to experience and not go there again.

lazymare · 06/01/2019 22:13

We had a whole turkey which was about £15

When I've bought a turkey in the past it has been at least £60.

Tobebythesea · 06/01/2019 22:13

I would just pay £40 in total. If she asks for more ask for the receipts. I bet they won’t make a show! Then don’t go next year.

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