DH doesn't get up until lunch time

[robinsinthespring]

My DH is retired. (I work a 2 mornings a week). He never gets up until at least noon, and last week he stayed in bed till past 2pm. When we were on an all inclusive holiday in a lovely location he still wouldn't get up, not joining me on the beach till lunchtime. Am I being unreasonable to feel sad that life is being wasted and angry and upset that I have to do so much by myself. I try to encourage him to get up, but all I get is daft excuses like "I'm listening to music" or" I must have drifted off again". Should I just carry on doing my own thing? WWYD?

[LakieLady]

I think that some people are morning people and some people are night people, just like some are extroverts and some are introverts.

I'd rather like it if DP got up early on weekends/holidays but I'm equally sure he'd like it if I stayed up till after 11 more nights. I don't I have any moral right to expect him to alter his body clock to suit mine. It's all about compromise imo.

I've learned to enjoy my solitary early mornings. I can read in peace, potter in the garden, walk the dog, get chores done, waste hours on here and other forums. He's learned to enjoy his solitary late evenings, watching films I'd hate and scouring the web for motorhome
& motorbike bargains.

There's no moral superiority in being a lark and no moral deficiency in being an owl.

[Walkingdeadfangirl]

"i have had the ‘fortune’ to be very lazy at times in my life.... it eats at your soul and turns you into a depressed shell of a person"

And some people like lying in bed for ages, doing very little, listening to the radio, browsing the ipad, drinking cups of tea and having no pressure at all to do anything.
Some people actually enjoy that, so slag it off as being lazy if you will but many people look forward to a retirement when you can do jack s**t everyday for as long as you want. For some its even a fantasy.

[Seeingadistance]

There's no moral superiority in being a lark and no moral deficiency in being an owl

This! ^

[CountryGirl1234]

If be really upset with this. It is a waste. Is he depressed?

[Oakenbeach]

And some people like lying in bed for ages, doing very little, listening to the radio, browsing the ipad, drinking cups of tea and having no pressure at all to do anything.

And so do I... but that literally becomes your life, you’re unlikely to be very happy. I suppose it’s possible as everyone’s different, but in my experience extremely idle people are never very contented.

[Oakenbeach]

For some its even a fantasy.

Of course when you’re living an very busy, stressful life, living a life of doing jack shit might seem appealing.... Be careful what you wish for!

[MrsGrindah]

Sounds perfect to me. Life is too short to spend your retirement doing anything you dont want to do. After years of 5.30 starts im relishing spending more time in my cosy bed

[junebirthdaygirl]

My dh has bouts of depression. He is retired. When the depression rolls in he stays in bed late. I am always glad l am in work as l like being up early
So is he depressed?
Is there any way he might be suffering from sleep apnoea as it hinders people from sleeping well so they are extra tired?
Or is he taking any medication which would cause him to be dopey?
If my dh 8s in bed l head out for a walk, meet friends etc. Also l would not do all my housework in the mornings in case he was skiving off !!!

[bumblenbean]

This is really interesting. I have always needed a lot of sleep and in my early 20s I used to spend most weekend days in bed until lunchtime. It wasn’t a case of lying there consciously thinking I couldn’t be arsed to get up but more that I felt so tired that I felt like I really needed the sleep and found it really difficult to drag myself out of bed. I was going through a bad patch with my mental health so I suppose that could have explained some of the lethargy.

Anyway this wasn’t an issue when I was single but when I moved in with my then boyfriend it caused a real problem. He felt as many posters have described on here - that he wasn’t ‘worth’ getting up for, that I had no interest in spending time with him etc. This wasn’t actually the case at all from my perspective but I can totally understand why it felt that way to him. When he ended the relationship it was one of the main reasons - there were other issues but The sleeping thing was a major factor.

What upset me at the time was that he’d never really addressed it during the relationship and I had been blissfully unaware (albeit naively) that it was having such an effect on him. So I think it’s a good thing you are speaking to DH about it and trying to work through it. Your situation is obviously very different what with DH being retired etc but I can see that his sleeping in is having a similar effect on you.

unfortunately I don’t know what the solution is but you are certainly not alone in finding it frustrating! Certainly with me I got into a sort of rut with it- when you’re so used to a pattern of behaviour it’s hard to break out of it even if you want to. These days i couldn’t possibly sleep that much as I have two young DC but I still have to steel myself to get up at a reasonable hour at the weekend so as not to leave DH doing all the work!

I really hope you can both find a way forward that works.

[tor8181]

we live a opposite life to everyone

me and my 8 y old dont get up till 5-6pm every day
we dont go to sleep till 6-7am every day,some days later

hes has many complex disabilities and doesnt sleep so we have just had to adapt and do what you need to do to survive

hes home educated so dont have to worry about school but we do home ed meet ups twice a week and those day we just dont sleep


the 14 y old doesnt sleep at all(many complex disabilities as well and home educated),hes up straight for 3-4 days then crashes for a day and half

we do our shopping online and do our housework,any education at night

its best to listen to your body clock and sleep and wake when your body tells you to

[helpingvsdoinghomework]

Does he have depression? This type of behaviour and sleep patterns are often associated with being depressed

[Maelstrop]

This would piss me off. I'm looking forward to retiring so we can do stuff together. I love it when he's off at the weekend, even if we just do really mundane stuff. I'd be up and out doing exciting stuff alone if he's in bed til midday. Such a shame that he's sleeping away his life.

[tildaMa]

I'm not a 'morning person' in the slightest but unless I have a raging hangover I need to vacate my pit by 9am latest or I feel shit

Actually you're very much a morning person.

Bet you go to bed by 9pm latest and can't be arsed to do anything interesting in the evening because it's "late".

[Fairenuff]

I need my alone time. When we have visitors staying for more than a couple of nights I can't wait for them to go to bed so that I can stay up and have a couple of hours to myself. And I hate having to get up in the morning to be sociable with them. I do love them really, just that I need time on my own so I try to limits visits to a couple of nights so that we can have fun but it doesn't get too much for me.

I would hate being with my dh all day every day. We get on great but do have different friends and interests as well as doing lots together. But 24/7 with anyone is too much for me. I think OP should know her dh well enough to know if he just needs time for himself or not. He might just prefer a peaceful morning without anyone chattering around him. We don't know anything about their relationship.

[HugoBearsMummy]

@tildaMa excuse me?? Most nights (weekdays) I'm never in bed before 10:30, I work and have a 3YO DS who wakes at 6:30 latest so I do have stuff to get up for so funnily enough can't stay up till the early hours of the morning or id prob die of exhaustion- to insinuate that I must live a boring life is very strange ! I think it's very boring spending most of daylight hours in bed but hey ho each to their own!

[tildaMa]

Well I think it's very boring spending most of evenings in bed.

Your body clock is not better than mine.

[HugoBearsMummy]

MOST of an evening? In from work at 6pm , dinner, put DS to bed then spend all evening till 10:30pm with DH in the sitting room-?how tf is that the entire evening in bed? 6-10:30 IS the evening and I'm up and awake??? Weird comment

[WilburforceRaven]

I love staying in bed till lunchtime. Did so today. It was different when the children were young and you have to get up. DH and I are both night owls so our retirement will involve lots of lie-ins. Don't really see a problem with it. Some people are night owls and some are larks. One is not better than the other.

[A580Hojas]

It actually infuriates me that people aren't addressing the op's question and just blarting on about what they like and what they do. A lie-in is a lovely thing (if you're into that sort of thing). A lie-in until noon every single day is only for the selfish or someone who lives with another lazy fucker night owl.

Fwiw I would classify myself as a night owl as my natural hours are 12 - 1am to sleep, get up at 7 - 8 am, 9am at a push. If I was lying in bed until lunch time every day I would expect my friends and family to be concerned about me.

[Bluntness100]

It actually infuriates me that people aren't addressing the op's question and just blarting on about what they like and what they do

Why does it infuriate you? You must know that many people are totally self absorbed and love to talk about themselves. So of course there is going to be people posting about what they like and do.

[masterandmargarita]

Most of the pro lie-in posters are the ones who like to do it themselves rather than their partners saying they don't mind it. Just possibly they're wrong about how much their partners accept it?

[WilburforceRaven]

someone who lives with another lazy fucker night owl.

And there you have it! Everyone who is a night owl is a lazy fucker. . I'm a high-rate taxpayer and so is my DH.

[adaline]

Why is getting up at 7am after 8 hours sleep any better than getting up at midday after 8 hours sleep?

[EggysMom]

To answer the OP question, either you confront him and ask for a compromise, or you carry on doing your own thing in the morning - and leave him to do his own thing late at night.

My DH would be the same given the chance, he's a complete night own to my morning lark. He'd stay in bed on holiday until midday if I let him; but we compromise and he gets a long lie on alternate days, getting up early on days when we plan an outing.

[WilburforceRaven]

Why is getting up at 7am after 8 hours sleep any better than getting up at midday after 8 hours sleep?

It isn't.