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AIBU?

DH doesn't get up until lunch time

156 replies

robinsinthespring · 07/12/2018 11:37

My DH is retired. (I work a 2 mornings a week). He never gets up until at least noon, and last week he stayed in bed till past 2pm. When we were on an all inclusive holiday in a lovely location he still wouldn't get up, not joining me on the beach till lunchtime. Am I being unreasonable to feel sad that life is being wasted and angry and upset that I have to do so much by myself. I try to encourage him to get up, but all I get is daft excuses like "I'm listening to music" or" I must have drifted off again". Should I just carry on doing my own thing? WWYD?

OP posts:

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QueSera · 07/12/2018 15:53

His schedule sounds like my ideal life! If I didn't have to work, I would definitely be up late and sleep late, noon sounds perfect.

It's unfortunate that you're biological clocks are so different.
Can you reach some sort of compromise?
Or just do your own thing in the mornings?
Does he stay up late? If so, I imagine you don't? Would you think it reasonable if he wanted you to?

Fairenuff · 07/12/2018 16:08

Holidays I'd find INFURIATING I like to get up and explore and make the most of my time away, why pay 100's or 1000's of £ to go on holiday to lay in bed- odd.

On the days where we had excursions/sight seeing/boat trips, etc. we were up very early. Saw the sun rise four bloody times more than once. However, the rest of the time I don't see much difference between lazing on a lounger or lazing in the room. Unless you're a sun worshipper (which I'm not).

The point is that if there is nothing in particular that needs doing, it's not wrong for him to lie in bed. Any more than it is wrong for her to get up and it's a bit controlling to want to police a retired person's time like that imo.

robinsinthespring · 07/12/2018 16:09

Thank you for all your replies! He usually goes to bed when I do, round about 11pm, but will occasionally (rarely) stay up until 2 or 3 am if he's surfing. He has been depressed in the past, but seems ok now. When we've talked about it he says he will try and get up earlier. So this week he got up early for 3 days then back to old habits today, which is why I've posted here today. We have a dog that enjoys his walks, so that's something he could get up for, but doesn't, I do it. I'm just going to do more of my own thing.

OP posts:

HugoBearsMummy · 07/12/2018 16:25

@LegoAdventCalendar you are right 'on one' today aren't you? This is the second time you have singled my comments out on a thread, when there have been others to post similar opinions to myself.

Apologies that I agree with the OP that I also would be annoyed if my DH spent EVERY DAY of our holiday in bed till 12pm. I wouldn't be getting up at the crack of dawn but I think midday is wasting the day. Just my opinion. Get over yourself and select another poster to pick on.

Mayhemmumma · 07/12/2018 16:30

This would annoy me. 11am if it's had been an usually late night I could cope with.

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2018 16:33

@LegoAdventCalendar you are right 'on one' today aren't you? This is the second time you have singled my comments out on a thread, when there have been others to post similar opinions to myself.

Eh? People are allowed to disagree with others on threads and contrary to your belief, MN is not a popularity contest. Is English your first language? You have a strange use of punctuation. Try not to take internet sprites personally, dear, they don't really know or care who you are in real life.

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2018 16:34

Bad form to derail a thread by referring to another one as well .

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 16:39

I naturally get up early. I love early mornings. But Wish I could sleep later on weekends.

Dp is a late riser. I look at the positives. Tomorrow morning I am up, having a tattoo finished at 11am. So I will get up, get a shower, go visit some friends they go for it appointment. Dp gets to sleep in as he wishes. I'll come back around 12.30. Then he will get up and we will go out somewhere.

I enjoy having the mornings to myself.

Just as a point. The time you get up does not make you a better, more interesting person. Early riser or late riser. It doesnt matter.

Don't understand people who think it does.

PoutySprout · 07/12/2018 16:42

Just as a point. The time you get up does not make you a better, more interesting person. Early riser or late riser. It doesnt matter.

Most composers, artists and writers are night owls.

adaline · 07/12/2018 16:46

So this week he got up early for 3 days then back to old habits today, which is why I've posted here today.

So he did what you wanted for three days, and now you're annoyed because he's done what he wants for one day?

He's retired. He has no need to get up early so why should he? Would you be happy if you were retired and wanted to be up at 6am and he constantly told you you had to lie in bed all morning because that's what he does?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 07/12/2018 17:01

If you can't have a lie in when your retired when can you? FFS leave the old man alone and let him rest in peace.

Some people will never be able to retire and get a lie in, so I think he is living the dream.

Oakenbeach · 07/12/2018 17:30

Hitler used to stay in bed until lunchtime.... nuff said...

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2018 17:33

Hitler used to stay in bed until lunchtime.... nuff said...

Churchill did, too, and not infrequently call his cabinet in for meetings at 2am.

stayathomer · 07/12/2018 17:37

Most composers, artists and writers are night owls

Not by choice! Most are because they have other jobs and responsibilities and it's the only time they have where they can work on and on without interruption and also because people don't consider getting up earlier in the morning as they wouldn't make it through the day!!

LilySays · 07/12/2018 17:42

Getting up at lunchtime is ridiculous if you’re over the age of 16. I feel guilty if I sleep past 9pm! Mornings are the best and most productive part of the day.

Does he go to bed late? I’d hate it if DH retired and just become lazy/ not bothered about doing anything. Especially on holiday!

Get him to set an alarm and plan an activity/ run/ gym class/ walk or something.

LilySays · 07/12/2018 17:42

9am! Not 9pm

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2018 17:46

I'd gladly divorce anyone who tried to police my sleep like a child by setting alarms and forcing me to get up when they saw fit after I'd spent the past 40 or so years doing so for work. Then I'd have no one nagging me about it all the time. Bliss.

LegoAdventCalendar · 07/12/2018 17:48

^Mornings are the best and most productive part of the day.&

Not to everyone. I have a mate who actually went back to college to retrain as a nurse so she could work in private industry and pick her own hours (from 4pm onwards) as she just doesn't function at all well in the morning.

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 17:59

Most composers, artists and writers are night owls.

And? Non of those mean you are better or more interesting.

adaline · 07/12/2018 18:02

Mornings are the best and most productive part of the day.

In your opinion they are! I happen to be at my most productive in the morning too but I wouldn't tell someone who preferred evenings that they were wrong either!

Hohocabbage · 07/12/2018 18:08

Gawd, I'm so glad I'm not married to some virtue-signalling, scornful, scolding nag who tried to police my body clock
Lego I don’t think calling women “nags” belongs in the 21st century.
Maybe my opinions are based on the happiest retired people I know being those who are in clubs, learning new things, travelling, doing voluntary work in the community. I don’t know exactly what time the get up at but they couldn’t do the things they do if they were in bed till 12 each day. If you’re single you do what you like (though I still think you need a sense of purpose to be fulfilled in any part of life) but when you’re part of a couple you both need to compromise to lead a happy life together.

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 18:08

Mornings are the most productive for me.

Not for my Dp.

No one can say one time of the day is most productive for everyone.

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Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 18:10

Hohocabbage there's plenty of hobbies and clubs people can do in the afternoon and evenings.

Notacluethisxmas · 07/12/2018 18:10

but when you’re part of a couple you both need to compromise to lead a happy life together.

So why can't the op sleep in later on her 5 days off?

Hohocabbage · 07/12/2018 18:11

It’s not the case that you can just do all the things you could do between 9am and 11pm, between 12 noon and 2am. The light isn’t there. The clubs aren’t on. The dog walks aren’t possible. The day trips won’t happen.

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