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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is definitely trying to get the attention of my partner?

32 replies

Seattle87 · 01/11/2018 14:13

Hi,

I'm 25 and have been with someone for a year and a half. My sister is 19... started with her constantly saying how nice he was (fine - parents also said similar) but then it was "gosh, he smells so nice" - we laughed about it, didn't think much of it. Then complimenting his looks, constantly. Always telling me how lucky I was to find someone so nice and attractive. Never anything directed at him to start with, but after a few months subtly began to say to him these compliments. He used to just say to me "oh, your sister is sweet".

She then did stay round our flat after partner suggested it because she did us a favour and dropped us home after a night out. She wore the skimpiest pyjamas she owns  I don't know, I felt really uncomfortable.

I don't know, the list goes on. I really want to talk to her, but I know it won't achieve anything and she will deny it and say I'm the one being paranoid (am I???)

My boyfriend says he hasn't really noticed, just thought she was trying to be friendly.

Hmm... I feel bad for thinking it tbh, but am I right to think so?

OP posts:
kaitlinktm · 01/11/2018 14:21

You are probably right in that she is trying to get his attention (close siblings tend to know each other quite well in this respect) - but as long as he isn't giving her the attention, that's all you need to worry about. I wouldn't say anything to her as she will just deny it and look affronted and you will look paranoid. I would be inclined to treat it as a bit of a joke.

Athena51 · 01/11/2018 14:23

I don't think you are being paranoid, it does sound as if she is trying to attract his attention. Does she have form for being jealous and/or competitive?

I have sisters and went through something similar with my Ex-h and one of my sisters, she was a bit more blatant though and used to text him late at night etc. Very annoying!

I agree that talking to her might not be very helpful as she will deny it but some distance could be effective and making sure that you know exactly where you stand with your boyfriend. I'm not for a moment suggesting that he is interested but the attention could be flattering.

Petalflowers · 01/11/2018 14:26

That’s an awkward situation. I think all,you can do is monitor the situation, and to put boundaries in place. Maybe if she says more comments, then reply saying how lucky you are to have him.

Is she envious? Can you encourage her to go out and socialise? Etc.

Hopefully it’s jsut a teenage crush that will blow,over.

However, as Kat says, as long as bf isn’t giving her attention then that’s fine.

Shitonthebloodything · 01/11/2018 14:28

I don't think you're being paranoid but I think it's going to be a nightmare for you if you confront her on it. It's a difficult one but ultimately, if you're happy and confident in your relationship and your partner isn't interested then I think you're going to have to laugh it off and wait for it to pass. I'm sure he has noticed but is trying to make you feel better, if it looks like it's one sided then I wouldn't worry too much.

RoboticMary · 01/11/2018 14:28

I don’t think you’re wrong. But what would her end game be? What’s your relationship with her like generally? She’s young and immature, but I doubt she genuinely wants to harm your relationship with BF, especially if you’re close sisters and get on well together. Chalk it up to her immaturity and have a laugh with your BF would be my advice.

Maelstrop · 01/11/2018 14:35

I’d be having words with her and keeping her at a distance, tbh. Sounds dramatic, but having been a right little flirt myself at that age, she sounds like she’s trying it on.

Tomatoesrock · 01/11/2018 14:48

She sounds like she is seeking validation for her youth and sweetness, not kind at the expense of your relationship. I would be pissed off. At 19 she is probably in love with herself and a massive flirt.

If you are close try to ignore her, she will get fed up or have a chat to her. If you are not particularly close then avoid her until she matures.

I get it my friends DD is 19 very flirty and is only short of stripping in male company, actually she has she stripped naked in a pub during freshers week and a wet t-shirt competition.

diddl · 01/11/2018 14:54

I doubt that there's any point in talking to her.

It's probably unlikely that he hasn't noticed.

But if he's not interested/not going to flirt back, it doesn't really matter does it?

Tomatoesrock · 01/11/2018 14:59

Just to say try not to make it a huge issue with your DP. Things will be forever awkward between them in company, if you are a close it will be crap. I'd try see it as a she is trying to be you.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 01/11/2018 15:20

Could it be that she sees him as a "safe" person to try her flirting skills out on? Flirting can be harmless.

redzebra10 · 01/11/2018 15:59

next time she says anything flirty to or about your dp say
it's a good job your my sister else i'd think you fancy him at least she will know its not going un noticed iykwim

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 01/11/2018 16:04

You just need to call her on it. You can make a joke of it if you like but until you say something she'll carry on. Tell her she's making a tit of herself.

Havaina · 01/11/2018 16:06

Definitely call her out on it subtly.

Iraklio · 01/11/2018 16:10

Women should be able to dress as skimpily as they want without it being assumed they want the attention of a man.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 01/11/2018 16:15

*Iraklio

Women should be able to dress as skimpily as they want without it being assumed they want the attention of a man.*

O bore off!

WhyAmISoCold · 01/11/2018 16:18

I'd honestly say he has noticed and I'd find the pretence that he hasn't suspicious.

Juells · 01/11/2018 16:35

Gosh you're all so nice. I'd be saying "WTF do you think you're doing? Stop being so blatant, it's embarrassing."

tiggerkid · 01/11/2018 17:13

You know your sister and if your intuition tells you she is trying it on with your boyfriend, then you should have it out with her. It doesn't matter if she denies it or not. Just tell her what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with and if she isn't prepared to respect boundaries, then tell her to stay away from you and the boyfriend.

I don't even know why she'd walk around in her skimpy PJs in front of him. Maybe I am too old fashioned but my sister and I are both married now and I've never been seen in any PJs by her husband and mine hasn't seen my sister in hers either.

Missingstreetlife · 01/11/2018 17:17

Don't invite her to stay the night. Point out to her and him what she is doing when she is doing it. Don't be subtle. I'd tell her to get dressed. Yes I am a feminist btw. Laugh but be deadly serious what you will do to either of them if...
He may be flattered, she may be jealous, either or both may be stupid.
It's possible one will come on to the other, and it ends in tears, false or true accusations and a big mess.
Hope you are wrong but put your marker down, she needs to find her own bf.

mimibunz · 01/11/2018 17:24

Sounds like she’s testing the boundaries. My sister did this at the same age. I was angry and embarrassed. She went on to try to copy parts of my life. Creepy and gross.

Fewminmostly · 01/11/2018 17:25

Deffo point it out in a jokey way - "Would you like to borrow some PJs that cover your arse?!" and hopefully she'll pack it in.

Sommelierrrr · 01/11/2018 18:04

Has she form for this sort of behaviour?

And definitely rip the piss out of her.

JungDisciple · 01/11/2018 18:07

Id tell her she isnt invited overnight until she is mature enough not to flirt.

borderline11 · 01/11/2018 18:14

Women should be able to dress as skimpily as they want without it being assumed they want the attention of a man.

How insightful.

Lifeisabeach09 · 01/11/2018 18:27

I don't get this behaviour with sisters. Such loyalty!
She's coming on to him.
I'd definitely address it openly with her and in front of him.
And I hope your boyfriend is trustworthy.

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