I’ve just been through this situation, almost. My partner had an unavoidable business trip 2 days after I had the same op. It was a screw up over the dates, largely his mistake, but it was me that decided not to change it as I had already waited a few months and it was too late to move and risk not getting the surgeon I chose (I’m not in the U.K. obv!). Still, I was upset he’d be away for two weeks right after as we have no family out here, and I was told min 2 weeks bed rest. In the event, he was with me for every moment before and after the operation, slept at the hospital, and was absolutely mortified leaving for his work trip just the morning after I was discharged. The surgeon found endo in a lot of places, as well as various growths that were sent for biopsy. I was in a lot of pain, barely able to walk, and unable to take care of our child. We have a live-in helper and she did absolutely everything for him, took him to school, packed lunches, cooked for me (not that I could really eat) as well as all the housework. Friends visited on the weekend and brought food and played with my son. Nevertheless I struggled to cope psychologically and the worst part was being alone most of the time and waiting for biopsy results (only takes a week here, thankfully all benign). I struggled with intense anxiety, possibly linked to the general, insomnia, and a lot of bleeding. I know I am lucky to have someone full time as without family I can’t see how I would have coped. My husband clearly hadn’t realised how serious the operation was (nor had I tbh) and it was really hard for him to walk out the door, even two days post op. He was clear that he would cancel or come home mid trip if anything went wrong or if it was cancer, and nevertheless it placed quite a lot of stress on our 20 year relationship. I think a lot of the info I had found online glossed over the reality of recovering from an op like this, especially in more complex cases. I went into surgery in really good physical health, having quit drinking, eaten healthily, slept plenty and worked out daily, yet the first ten days were a huge struggle and it was tough on my young son, too. I found myself defending my partner being away, because I can tell you people judged him very harshly - and this was for a company wide, annual event he would have been in big trouble for missing. For a lad’s holiday? I can’t even imagine.
I hope that in your case, the situation won’t arise, but I will say that after only four years with this man, I would be seriously considering leaving the relationship. There will be dozens of times like this during your lives together, and it won’t get any easier, particularly if you have children. Him not being for you physically or emotionally at a time when you are going through a serious medical intervention for fertility really doesn’t bode well for a future together. I wish you all the best with your operation, and with TTC, but I think that unless he has a serious change of heart, he might not be the one you want to have children with.