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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to refuse to pay the CSA?

14 replies

luggerbugs · 08/06/2007 14:36

I've name-changed for this as I am a coward

2 of my dcs live with their dad. The CSA has decided I should pay a small weekly amount, back-dated by about a year & a half. I don't think I should pay & here's why;

When the dcs lived here their dad made ONE whole payment to me. He ran up £4k of arrears despite me chasing up the CSA every month when his payment didn't arrive. He then started up his own 'business' & didn't have to pay anything under the CSA's self-employed rules. The CSA have admitted they totally mis-handled my case & awarded me 2 pathetically small compensation payments. He's now unemployed & they won't chase him for the arrears or off-set what I'm supposed to be paying against his debt. I'm unemployed too but am supposed to hand over some of the tax credits paid for my other dcs to this git who owes me FOUR GRAND!

So AIBU not wanting to pay?

OP posts:

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 08/06/2007 14:37

Yes. It is your children who need it, so it's unfair to deprove them just because of the issues you have with their father.

mumblechum · 08/06/2007 14:38

YANBU in not wanting to pay, but unfortunately I think you're going to have to

EllieK · 08/06/2007 14:39

this happens quite a bit, we lived with my dad, my mum had £thousands owing in arrears when one of my brothers moved in with her (2 of us had already left home) so they had one son in each home. she went to the CSA and my dad had to pay her even tho she still owed loads! she's never had to pay it back and never will now. you are not being unreasonable IMO but unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it

Original poster

luggerbugs · 08/06/2007 14:41

I don't really see it as depriving them - they're teenagers so I just give the money straight to them as pocket money (which will have to stop if I wind up paying the CSA). Also their dad & step-mum are unemployed & claiming benefits while their dad works on the side

OP posts:

newlifenewname · 08/06/2007 14:42

YABU if you can afford it. If you really cannot afford it then you must appeal. What he does/doesn't come into it - it is down to whether or not you can sustain your family.

Original poster

luggerbugs · 08/06/2007 14:51

tbh not sure we can afford it. dh is working & our mortgage isn't too huge but we're still forking out about £100 more than we're getting in each month and we don't have a car, go out, drink, smoke etc. We've got some savings that we're using as well but as lo is less than a year old it's gonna be a while before I can contribute again financially & even then the CSA would just up my payments if I was earning. I still don't see why they can't off-set one against the other.

OP posts:

MascaraOHara · 08/06/2007 14:56

you should pay for your children. end of story.

mumto3girls · 08/06/2007 14:56

then your children will have missed out twice..once beacause he didn't pay and again because you don't wanto/can't afford to.

I sympathise but think you should pay.

MamaG · 08/06/2007 14:57

Yes, YABU. They're your children ffs

Quattrocento · 08/06/2007 15:04

Two wrongs don't make a right

Sorry for sounding so awfully sanctimonious but you did ask.

Lauriefairycake · 08/06/2007 15:28

You do not need to hand the money over. My friend is going through exactly this and has been told on 8 separate occasions that she does/doesn't have to pay. She has just raised this with the complaints department and with her MP as it's being mishandled.

The amount is now being offset after 6 months of tooing and frooing. Get everything in writing only.

Good luck and don't give up.

Original poster

luggerbugs · 08/06/2007 15:45

Thanks Lauriefairycake. I think offsetting mine against his until his is cleared would be fairest. I've been avoiding contacting my MP & have just been dealing with the CSA myself but getting nowhere so looks as though that's the way to go.

FWIW my dcs are with us 2 weekends a month plus a lot of holidays. I give them pocket money & buy them clothes etc which always end up disappearing to their dad's house. It wasn't my wish for them to move out but I'm rather a strict parent re where they go & how late they can stay out etc whereas their dad & step-mum aren't so I guess I can see the attraction there. I also wind up taking them to the optician etc as their other parents don't seem able to get around to it - one of the dcs went without glasses for months until I got fed up reminding their dad & went myself.

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 08/06/2007 15:51

My friend had a response within a week from her MP saying he had written to the CSA and asked for a full review of her case.

The problem my friend has is very like yours, the dad claimed he was self employed for the last 4 years and didn't earn enough money to contribute.

In that time he put a 2 storey extension on his house and bought a holiday home.

He managed to avoid paying anything for all that time and now she is landed with the offsetting.

I think you're getting vaguely negative comments because people see this as so black and white. At the end of the day you are contributing and your children are not suffering. In REAL terms he owes you money - this is just a paper exercise and not actual children suffering because of no money.

My friends child didn't suffer without the money but its truly awful when people fix the system and have money to hire lawyers and accountants to fight it.

Popple · 08/06/2007 19:45

If he is on benefits then the money will go straight into the CSA coffers anyway. Your ex-h may get £10 a week if he's lucky. Nothing you can do about it. That's assuming he is on benefits?

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