To ask friend to remove photos of my DC fe her FB feed?

[TodoDoingDone]

We have no recognisable photos of our DC on social media. My visiting friend has just posted some where they are recongisable and I'm tagged. DC aren't tagged, no names mentioned . She didn't ask our opinion/permission...

Aibu to ask her to remove those where DC can be recognized?

[MaryShelley1818]

I post loads of photos of DS on FB. However I’d never post a photo of someone elses child (or that included their child if in a group) without asking their parents permission. I just think it’s polite.

I do think though that then people who don’t want their children to be photographed/posted online need to be understanding about then not being included in photos. We recently went on a large group outing (10 mams and babies) and 1 mam didn’t want her DS put online which is absolutely her right BUT then pushed into every photo which stopped the rest of us using/sharing them.
We did a large group photo at the end and I asked if we could do one with her and one without her so we could use it and she seemed very put out. (I asked very nicely and tried to be tactful and explained why).

[Powerless]

@summerFruitPudding Children who are adopted and were removed from their parents (especially if violence related) CANNOT be online. Their location CANNOT be revealed. The adopted parents would not only lose their kids but could possibly be prosecuted.....? Hardly something to make light of is it?

[stripeytshirt77]

Yanbu
We don’t put pics of dd online because simply I don’t want her all over the internet. Also the people I’m ‘friends’ with don’t really give a shiny shit about my child.

[KERALA1]

I thought summers post was quite funny

I get it and limit pics of my kids as they can't consent but honestly it's like King Canute holding back the waves they will get their own phones soon and then it's party on pics of them will be plastered all over instagram left right and centre and little us parents can do about it

[Cuppaand2biscuits]

That's not true about children who are adopted. I have 2 friends who have adopted children and they both post photos of them on Facebook. And they don't mind me posting photos of their children either.

[Ivorbig1]

Some real sick comments. Weirdo’s.

[HotblackDesiatoto]

You can ask. You don't actually have any jurisdiction though, she doesn't need to have your permission.

[KERALA1]

I wouldn't bother saying anything. Honestly as the parent of a slightly older child pictures and sharing them is a huge part of how young teens interact with each other.

It's respectful and sweet of parents to be careful about posting pictures of their non consenting young kids but not worth causing hurt and awkwardness with your friend if she means well. Not a hill I would choose to die on as in a few years your child will be plastering pictures of themselves all over social media

[JustWingingIt16]

If the person who posted them is that decent of a friend, they will take them down as soon as you ask them too, I'm sure. It's no big deal, they may just done it without thinking.

[crazydoglady6867]

I don’t do Facebook, I genuinely would like to know why so many parents don’t like pictures of their children on it, I often see threads on here like this, what can happen with them. I can understand if you are trying to keep your whereabouts secret for whatever reason, but if not what is the issue with it?

[Taffeta]

crazydoglady - can’t speak for op, but I have quite a few friends who are quite frothy about FB. They use their non use of it as a flag to wave their superior parenting as if it is all shades of evil and they are morally superior for not using it.

I find it quite amusing, especially when they are increasingly behind the curve in their local events awareness etc.

To be fair, I do get it in some circs, would never post identifiers of other people’s kids that aren’t on it etc.

[BarnabyBungle]

On one level, “your child, your rules”, so YANBU.

However, unless there are special circumstances (e.g. you are in hiding from abusive ex) and assuming the images can’t reasonably be taken to be demeaning, if my friend asked me to do this (which would be unlikely as a I rarely post images on FB), I would think they were being irrationally precious and paranoid. Of course, I would remove the photos, but my friendship with them would be tarnished..... overly uptight and prescriptive individuals tend to be tiresome. So, on balance, YABU.

[NoSleepTil2030]

I would just ask nicely

I don't share photos of my children either. I don't think it's fair to share photos of anyone without their informed consent, and my DC are too young to give truly informed consent. They do ask me to "send that photo to granny" though.

[KERALA1]

I would feel exactly the same barnaby. Internally I would mark you down as a precious and abit neurotic and I am someone who rarely shares pics of my own kids

[SleepingStandingUp]

I have a friend who posts pictures of her children, sometimes just their child in the photo, but then blanks out their face. I find that more odd than just not posting.

I'm sure she's done it thoughtlessly not maliciously and I'd take it down if I were here. I might think it's a bit precious when they're a few years from high school and all their mates sharing but your child, your rules and I'd just feel daft for not knowing that already

[BarnabyBungle]

crazydoglady6867

I agree.... I get there are good reasons why some children shouldn’t have their faces plastered over FB, but I struggle to see why some people get so worked up about it.

In future I reckon it will seem as ridiculous as those stories of certain tribespeople in the past who snatched the camera from a photographer in case the photo ‘captured their spirit’.

[BarnabyBungle]

I have a friend who posts pictures of her children, sometimes just their child in the photo, but then blanks out their face. I find that more odd than just not posting.

That’s just weirdness beyond weird.

[scaryteacher]

Taffeta I have never had FB as I prefer to contact my friends in other ways, and from what I read about it on here, I'm glad I don't. I have no intention of being used to line Mr Zuckerbergs pockets. My ds who is 22, does use it, but is beginning to be a little less enamoured of it now.

[NoSleepTil2030]

In future I reckon it will seem as ridiculous as those stories of certain tribespeople in the past who snatched the camera from a photographer in case the photo ‘captured their spirit’

Or maybe it'll go the other way, towards a greater awareness of consent before sharing photos of others online?

[crazydoglady6867]

A friend of mine said she won't put pictures of her kids on FB as "paedo's" will be looking at them! I tried to reason with her that if that is the case she should not take her kids out in public, just in case one is out and about looking at them. I think the whole world had gone stir crazy over their apparent need privacy and what lack of it can do. I feel worried for the future of this world and the clear increase in peoples anxieties over everything.

[AcioKnows]

Social media, uploading pictures has become the norm.

Where possible, it would be good to try and have a quick word with people beforehand to ask if they mind not publicly posting the photo, but in the case that someone has already posted it, politely asking them to take the photo down is also fine.

The person who put the photo up should really be fine about taking it down. It shouldn't' offended them :)

[BarnabyBungle]

A friend of mine said she won't put pictures of her kids on FB as "paedo's" will be looking at them!

Luckily none of my friends are neurotic and paranoid like this.... People like this are hard work and not relaxing to be around (always looking out for next bogeyman) and are rarely very happy ime.

[BarnabyBungle]

DC are too young to give truly informed consent.

But children are too young to give truly informed consent for anything, yet as parents we have to direct much of their lives without that consent.

When I take my children abroad on holiday they can’t provide informed consent concerning the risks involved in such an activity, yet I do it anyway because as a parent I make a judgment that the rewards are worth the risk.

What about photos that aren’t shared on FB but only directly with family? The child won’t have given consent for that either, and feasibly they may fall out with family members later in life and resent the fact you shared it. They may even object to you having taken photos at all!

Perhaps being a parent now is just an impossible task given these newly emerging consent issues!

[boatyardblues]

I asked my DCs’ school not to include them in photos because of a problematic family member, but they were so lax they repeatedly breached the request and posted photos (including on Twitter on the school’s open account!) The family member concerned is now dead, so I am less hardline but still annoyed about the school’s lack of basic care around safeguarding & data protection.

For the same reasons, we have not posted our kids on social media - though careless friends & extended family used to do so & tag DH.

More recently, with the advent of better face recognition software, I’d say a light footprint on social media & minimal photosharing is going to be essential if you want any kind of privacy in later life, as images wil end up being linked chronologically. I’m therefore grateful we have all bern pretty circumspect. A couple of years ago one of my colleagues was amazed how little trail I’d left online in my own name.

[KERALA1]

I was like that until I started my own business now I am plastered all over the Internet!