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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to give stuff away to the most 'grateful and deserving cause' ?

59 replies

Gameboy · 21/05/2007 14:31

Was thinking about this when I started another thread about wanting to pass on some baby/ toddler books.

Is it just me, or when you give stuff away, do you want to feel sure that it has gone to a 'deserving cause' i.e. someone who really needs it, and will appreciate it?

Sometimes it seems so hard to 'find' that person/ cause though?

When I've put stuff on Freecycle I feel like adding 'tell me who it's for, and how it will be used' !

I've been annoyed a couple of times to see stuff I've given away (for supposed personal use) then sold on eBay.

However I love it when I've freecycled something, and the recipient e-mail afterwards and say 'thank you so much, the kids adore it' etc

Is that wrong? Am I just being horribly smug and wanting to feel good myself about giving stuff away???

OP posts:
fishie · 21/05/2007 21:38

the best way to match items to people is to be part of your local community so that you know who needs what and where, or who to give things to for passing on, i expect you do know lots of people if you think of it like that.

i work for a charity and we get lots of people offering stuff (unsolicited), which is very nice of them but not when they want it to be collected or to attach various conditions which mean it will actually cost us money to take it.

and if you don't want it and can't be bothered to sell it then i think it is a bit much to hold auditions for the deserving poor.

lillochum · 21/05/2007 21:38

I'm a big fan of freecycle, having offered and taken stuff to my benefit. The basic principle is to stop stuff going to landfill not to give to "deserving" recipients as such. However, I know what you mean about resenting people who don't want what you are offering for themselves but to make money out of it. I had an instant response when I offered a couple of ride-ons which I passed on because it was from someone who was looking for car boot items. I actually kept her details because there might be stuff in the future that I can't give to a charity shop, and don't care about who gets it. However, the ride-ons went to a family who claimed to have twins who were hankering for the particular toys in question, having tried them elsewhere.
Another thought though - I got rid of washable nappies and my travel system via my health visitor to needy teenage mums.

Flamesparrow · 21/05/2007 21:41

I do nappies on freecycle - the last lot went to a 15 yr old pregnant girl

viticella · 21/05/2007 22:20

I've just freecycled a load of baby stuff and felt the same as the OP but in the end decided it was too much of a minefield working out the most deserving causes. I could in theory have car-booted or ebayed it but I cannot be bothered I just want space in the loft! Some of it did in fact go to a womens refuge.

Buying or donating secondhand is about re-use and recycling though, not just charity. So you can feel good about saving the planet !

I have also worked for a charity and had the dubious benefit of "donations" for a good cause.

moondog · 21/05/2007 22:26

I don't think you have to be needy to use EBay. Whoever gets it is better than it going to landfill surely?
How do you know it ends up on Ebay? Are you looking for it/ Couldn't it be someone else's?

Having said that i too feel irrationally irritated when i take my 'gently used' (apt term!) stuff to a charity shop and some joyless bitch nods curtly and says 'Put it there'. I want a smile and a 'Oh lovely! Thank you so much' Actually if i don't get one the next time i leave stuff,I'm picking it up and taking it away again.

moondog · 21/05/2007 22:26

Frrecycle I mean..

Twinklemegan · 21/05/2007 22:41

Gameboy is right about charity shops. My mum worked in one a while back and she was shocked by the attitude of the manager who just chucked out perfectly good stuff. It's put me off sending things TBH.

DontCallMeBaby · 21/05/2007 22:56

Local Freecycle has just banned 'wanted' posts for laptops and suchlike ... there are still some very expensive 'wanteds' going up though, people do take the piss. I was quite happy to give my baby signing video to the first person who responded, though I was rather gratified (and humbled) to have it go to a mother of twins. I didn't meet her - sort of wanted to, but also sort of glad not to have to admit I was too busy with my ONE child to have really given it a go.

cat64 · 21/05/2007 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Gameboy · 22/05/2007 12:58

I don't think I probably explained my original post very well, as it also related to a different thread when I was discussing how to 'pass on' loads of toddler books/ baby things which were 'more significant' than average because many of them had been bought by my Mum who sadly died a couple of years ago.

I agree mostly about not caring much about where stuff goes if I just wnt rid of it. But I do wait until I've had most of the responses to a freecycle ad before 'deciding' which person to give it to (of course they could just be lying if they say it's for a youth centre/ women's refuge etc - who knows - but I like to think I can spot the 'genuine' requests )

LOL at the private detective comment - it was completely by chance that I discovered an item of mine had been sold on- and no, it was definitely the same one....

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 22/05/2007 13:27

Ah, with something sentimental like that I would def go through alternative routes to find a new home for them

hotchocscot · 23/05/2007 23:33

I'm with moondog on the charity shop attitude. I used to volunteer in one, and always thanked people for making the effort to bring stuff in, rather than just chucking it in the bin. In my experience, we never binned stuff. Clothes, linen etc that couldnt really be sold in the shop were sold to local ragman by weight, so we still earned out of them. When I give to charity shops now (rare, we're skint), i do pick our local one with the lovely old ladies who chat and fuss over DS, rather than the large better known one where they always seem to act like they are prisoners rather than volunteers. Should be given large doses of HRT before opening the doors, me thinks.

moondog · 23/05/2007 23:38

Yes!
They're a miserable bunch of hoofers invariably.
Had a huge spring clean today and drove around the village dropping off stuff at various domiciles (whether they wanted it or not-palmed off a hideous lemon yellow golfing type polo shirt onto my friend's dd amongst other stuff) then drove to charity shop with final few bags,mentally rehearsing withering riposte to ungrateful old bag.

It was closed...

Never mind..try again tomorrow!

colditz · 23/05/2007 23:59

Oh, but the things some people put in the charity bags, Moondog!

I did some volenteer work as a teenager, and opened one bag to find an ancient crusty pair of pants - skidded to the eyeballs!

And then you get the men who 'try on' the bras 'for a fancy dress party', and take 20 minutes in the changing room.

Ew.

paulaplumpbottom · 24/05/2007 00:00

Its always nicer to give something to someone who really needs it

nappyaddict · 24/05/2007 00:07

my hv was looking for someone with a pushchair to give to a young mum who was pregnant and couldn't even afford the basics.

our pram did not arrive for a few weeks after ds was born and we had to buy a cheapish graco one to make do with - not that cheap but it had to lie flat. so we donated that and also some hand knitted cardigans and clothes that ds had just not had time to wear. so i agree ask your hv otherwise womens refuge, or mother and baby hostels.

Emprexia · 24/05/2007 11:12

I just freecycled my very much un-used Nappy Bin and still unopened box of cassettes for it as well as a load of SMA sachets DS never used.

I must admit, i did feel like a "posh cow" (as a friend called me last week) pulling up to this tiny little run down council house in my 52reg Ford Focus and new clothes, and handing it over, but as least i know its going to get some good use by someone who actually NEEDS it.

Perhaps the thing to do is to scout the Charity shops, i pick and choose where i take DS's old clothes too because there are some shops that are really begging for baby clothes, i know the lady at my local Oxfam was practically falling over herself to thank me for the last lot i took down.

nappyaddict · 24/05/2007 14:00

awwww and get you delivering it aswell.

vimfuego · 24/05/2007 14:09

Surely Freecycle is just an alternative to chucking it away?

As long as it stays out of landfill I don't mind if Bill Gates is using it to keep his money in it.

fruitful · 24/05/2007 14:10

Do you know I hadn't thought of the "giving to someone who can't afford it" angle. I was just recycling - I don't care if they can afford to buy their own new item, I'd rather they got more use out of my old one.

And Flamesparrow - yes I'm grateful if they'll just take the stuff away!

Selling it on ebay is a bit annoying but then I couldn't be bothered to do that myself, so if they can...

Angeliz · 24/05/2007 14:13

I gave tonnes of stuff to a charity shop the other week. I sent DP with it and he said that before he'd unpacked the car there was a woman walking out having bought stuff with her kids. She said to DP, 'One man's junk is another mans treasure' and i was pleased that her kids would get to play with the toys

Angeliz · 24/05/2007 14:14

That's just made me think of that Friends episode where Phoebe wants to do a good turn that doesn't make her feel good

Emprexia · 24/05/2007 14:32

Nappyaddict - see, i'm not so mean that i make someone with a newborn come 10 miles across town to pick up an unweildy nappy wrapper bin to make them have to juggle baby and bin back home.

I only work one day a week and have a car, makes sense to take it to them, its cheaper than the busfare it would have cost them to pick it up.

Cappuccino · 24/05/2007 14:36

isn't freecycle more about keeping stuff out of landfill?

let's face it if you can make money out of your stuff, do it yourself. I can't see a problem with someone ebaying my old stuff - I want rid of it and I can't be arsed faffing around putting pictures up on auctions

I don't feel a need for whoever receives my item to constantly be in my karmic debt

I just want it out the house and not in a skip

expatinscotland · 24/05/2007 14:46

Freecycle is about keeping stuff from the landfill.

Charities are about giving to those in need.

If you want to give stuff away to people in need, donate to a charity or refuge centre.

Your local places of worship - church, mosque, synagogue may also have a use for children's things. The large mosque across from where I work regularly takes things to children being detained at Dungavel Detention Centre, so they get the bulk of the girls' playthings and clothes.