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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To believe that a communication system which relies on children between 7 and 11 to be messengers, is not going to be an effective means of communication?

66 replies

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 15:49

And indeed, is going to inevitably be a downright inefficient and crap one?

This is the system my DS's school has in place. 7/ 8 year olds are old enough to take responsibility, so the theory goes, therefore they have to put papers, letters etc, in their bags and deliver to their parents. No-one checks that they have put said missives in their bags. I ask every day "have you forgotten anything from your tray?" and the answer is no.

So today I find out he's missed an afternoon club which I'd signed him up for, as he's never brought me back any paperwork about it. Last time it was my parents' evening appointment.

OK I know the theory, and I know it's time consuming and inefficient for the class teacher to check they've got everything and they're supposed to be old enough but er... he's not.

AIBU to expect the school to take communicating with parents a bit more seriously than this? Or should I just expect to be communicated with on an arbitrary ad hoc, inefficient, run by an eight year old basis? Am I being an over-demanding parent?

OP posts:
Tigana · 15/05/2007 15:51

will schools ever ask for a parental email address and just email out these letters do you think?

Do some do this already?

mosschops30 · 15/05/2007 15:52

This really pees me off too, they do it at guides too and I end up with some scrawl on a bit of paper that I have to decifer and end up phoning guide leader.

Wotzsaname · 15/05/2007 15:53

If there is a good idea, it may have already been thought of

our school uses www.parentmail.co.uk

Wotzsaname · 15/05/2007 16:08

GiantSquirrelSpotter have I killed your thread?

Would you like some more ranting or have you taken yourself off somewhere?

Nightynight · 15/05/2007 16:19

no, this is a crap system and our school does it too.
The french school had a special exercise book for notes, and the teacher oversaw them pasting the notes into it in the classroom. So you just had to check the book now and then. It was much better.

bossykate · 15/05/2007 16:21

harrumph. i have had ds's teacher tell me off because ds hasn't told me things. he's 5.

batters · 15/05/2007 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3andnomore · 15/05/2007 16:49

OH, most schools seem to have this system...bugs the hell out of me...as my almost 11 year old is a crappy messenger, lol...bless his heart!

Miaou · 15/05/2007 16:53

What is wrong with handing notes to children and getting them to put them in their bags rather than their trays, I ask? Surely just as much/little trouble? At least then as parents you can rake through their bag at the end of each day rather than rely on them to bring stuff home.

My dds (9 and 8) aren't bad at giving me notes, but I found out recently that they have been in school all day in their socks because they had BOTH lost their indoor pumps and neglected to do anything about it - grr!! For weeks too!! I couldn't understand why their socks were so filthy

gingertoo · 15/05/2007 16:54

I agree Tigana, Email would be SO much easier. I have mentioned it so many times at school but to no avail. They have recently introduced a system where, in line with their eco-school status, they only send one letter per family...Great in theory, trouble is, oldest DS says that the youngest sibling is supposed to take the letter, youngest claims the opposite is true!! Result: No letter!!
Why don't they just send a bloody email?????

Blandmum · 15/05/2007 16:55

Because not all families have e-mail

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 16:57

I've thought of a good one: why not just pin all letters that have been sent home recently on the notice board?

Then if you haven't received your individual copy, at least you can look on the notice board and at least know that you should have got that letter and know what it contains.

This of course would not work for working parents who don't collect their children from school every day.

OP posts:
saralou100 · 15/05/2007 16:57

sorry, but am pmsl at your last line!!!

doesn't sound unreasonable

Mercy · 15/05/2007 16:58

Exactly MB. I've just said something similar in another thread (see Twiglett's thread)

In my dd's school I think that the number of families who have access to a PC is not exactly high.

thedogsbollox · 15/05/2007 16:59

Our school has a contact book which the parents must sign each night against the items noted for the day.

If there is a letter, or need to bring money in for cake stall or have been picked for the netball team etc then it will say so in the contact book.

Jelley · 15/05/2007 16:59

I would be grateful if our dds school sent letters at all.

DD1 was expected to remember to tell me that she was in a show at 6pm, what costume she needed, what date, and when to be there beforehand. I got a written invitation to the show, but nothing else. DD1 claimed to have had no letter. I went in and asked and was told that the children are responsible for passing messages on

Jelley · 15/05/2007 16:59

I would be grateful if our dds school sent letters at all.

DD1 was expected to remember to tell me that she was in a show at 6pm, what costume she needed, what date, and when to be there beforehand. I got a written invitation to the show, but nothing else. DD1 claimed to have had no letter. I went in and asked and was told that the children are responsible for passing messages on

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 15/05/2007 17:04

sorry the thread tiltle is wrong it should go up to at least 16

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 15/05/2007 17:05

My DD has a contact book as well, but this system stops when she goes into juniors as she is now old enough to manage school-home communications.

Hence marvellous communication when they're infants, and extremely rubbish communication as soon as they get into junior school

There must be an efficient way of communicating with all parents, surely, not just the ones with PC's?

OP posts:
mountaingirl · 15/05/2007 17:08

My dcs have a contact book also and it is up to the parent to check it each evening. When they are older if the message isn't too long the dc write it in the book themselves.

mountaingirl · 15/05/2007 17:09

Forgot to add that the 13 yo has one too and it will continue until he is 15!

Blandmum · 15/05/2007 17:11

THis is a harder issue than it seems. If you start to use e-mail you will potentialy stigmatise thse families who do not have one. If you run a part e-mail/part paper system you will significantly increase the work load of the school admin.

I think that homework diaries are probably the best way of doing this sort of thing, or vontact books.

But if you use these, some parents will complain about this method as well. It is one of those 'can't win' situations for the school.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 15/05/2007 17:12

At our school we hand notes to the children as they leave. It's not ideal but for us e-mail isn't the answer; low income families, unlikely to have PC access. Also many who don't have Ebglish as a first language.

We've been talking about it recently as we have sent out some letters for an issue that requires parental consent. The letters have an 'opt out' slip - that is, parental consent is assumed unless the slip is returned. To me that's not good enough - the parent may not even get the letter yet we are assumming they've given consent.

Wotzsaname · 15/05/2007 17:17

But for those who do have email it can cut down on paper waste. Some parents don't go to school and wouldn't see the notice board. Car shares, other people collecting, picking up, dropping off, before and after school clubs.

I would think that many homes have PC's, even my MIL has one (silver surfer)? How can I see your words? Does anyone use a fax machine anymore (I do)?

My school also gives a hard copy to everychild in there diary at the end of the week.

Stamp the things on their foreheads, that is the only way I can think it would be fullproof.

I forget this is a AIBU thread.....

[runs for the hills]

pointydog · 15/05/2007 17:21

YABU

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect 5+ year olds to put a letter in their bag and for them to hand it over or parent check.

Granted, the process should involve getting letter and putting in bag.

You;'re all whinging.