If your friend is gay

[DrowningEveryDay]

and he just recently told you but you suspect he's known all along, and he has a family, would you encourage him to be true to himself and embrace his sexuality?

What would you do?

My current stand is to stay away from this issue, but my other fried (who is gay) says it's hard to not be true to oneself so he's encouraging him.

[stateschool]

He should probably be speaking to the LGBT Switchboard. They'll listen without judgement.

[Boulshired]

If he asked for advice and only if, mine would be the sooner he tells his wife the more of a chance of an amicable relationship after. If my partner decided for whatever reason that he was unsure of his sexuality I could understand, if he told me he had been questioning or known for X amount of years I would feel used and the basic trust our relationship is built on a farce.

[BroomstickOfLove]

Is anyone actually suggesting that he stays married? I read all the comments about being responsible for his wife and kids as suggesting that he should be honest with his wife and take responsibility for his actions and the fact that he's put her in a shitty situation and do what he can to put her and her kids in a good position, in terms of money and childcare and career and co-parenting and the hurt and anger that she will quite rightly feel.
He messed up, and he needs to set things right. If he does this with regards to the needs of everyone involved, everyone will end up better off than they are now. But if he drops a bombshell and swans off thinking mostly of himself, then he's a bit of a shitty human being.

[DrowningEveryDay]

You’re assuming the OP and this man’s wife are friends.

We are not.

OP, you keep using the phrase be true to himself. It's rather vague and euphemistic; what exactly do you mean by that?

I meant accepting that he is gay, and allowing himself to act on his attraction to other men.

[DragonMummy1418]

Be true to himself - and destroy the family he made vows to...

How about putting his kids first?

[yakari]

Sadly my friends are at the tail end of this shit storm. So learning from the lessons of that couple ..
He should leave before he 'explores' anything. He's having sexual feelings for people other than his wife, their gender is irrelevant
He should pay maintenance, set up good contact arrangements and generally step up to supporting the family he helped to create
He should date - discretely and if he can't then don't - until everyone is settled
Then as with any heterosexual couple date but only introduce long term parents

In other words don't be an arse hole.

When he tells his wife depends on her and their relationship- earlier is probably better, at least she know why it's all happening. But he needs to remember it's not just him 'living a lie', he's by default made her life a lie too. It's a huge mindfuck for the wife.

[BroomstickOfLove]

There's two different issues. Accepting he is gay is something he can do now. Allowing himself to act on his attraction to other men is something he should put off until he's sorted out his marriage, and is free to see other people.

[WickedLazy]

He needs to be honest with his wife. This isn't one bit fair on her. My ex possibly used me as his beard, and all our happy memories have been ruined in hindsight.

Are they still having sex? Does he think about men during the act, or to get him in the mood?

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

Beautifully put, Broomstick