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AIBU?

Up-rooting my family - AIBU?

59 replies

SheFellDownTheRabbitHole · 21/04/2018 17:23

DH and I have lived up north for 10 years now. We have good work, primary school and nursery on our doorstep... life is easy. DD is in year 1 and DS starts school this September.

Life should be great but it isn't - because I'm homesick for life down south and have been for 10 years.

I've talked to DH about it over the years but it got so bad at Christmas I said I couldn't see me living up north for much longer and he agreed to start looking for jobs down south because he wants me to be happy. He's amazing and I love him so much. He would be leaving behind his family and friends up here.

So I'm putting us through applying for two new jobs, buying a new house and trying to get both of our children into the same school down south. Not to mention breaking it to MIL that we're moving 200 miles away. We'll be living close to my family and friends down south so kids lose one Grandma and gain another.

Your opinions won't change my course of action but I suppose if you were to say "yes you're being selfish but I understand why" I would feel better about putting my family through this.

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TenGinBottles · 22/04/2018 20:49

I'm beginning to realise south is not going to be the same as when I left it, I hadn't thought about this before

How can you not have thought of this before??? It reads like you think you're going to be moving back to a fairytale land where all will be perfect.

If you truly thought the move is the best thing for your family, then I don't think you'd be so worried about telling MIL.

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SheFellDownTheRabbitHole · 22/04/2018 20:56

I did wonder if our kids might move north again in the future and this thought doesn't bother me. But if we stay here and they decide to move south when they're older I would be so upset as it's where I want to be. I want them to be happy wherever that might be.

Yes reading it back it does sound dramatic but I'm quite scared of MIL's reaction. She's lovely and obviously cares about her family and I don't want to upset her. I'm just hoping to hear some stories from other families that turned out well and I'm asking if you did the same thing how did it go for you?

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GabriellaMontez · 22/04/2018 21:02

People move all the time. For all kinds of reasons. Sometimes many times. I don't think you should feel guilty. It can be challenging and stressful but that's life innit?

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MadMags · 22/04/2018 21:02

We moved country! Everyone lived.

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SheFellDownTheRabbitHole · 22/04/2018 21:05

Yes DH will need to speak to MIL, it would be best coming from him.

Gin - I haven't thought about south changing, yes I was being naive but I've never been in this situation before. I want to get your opinions so I can go into it with eyes wide open not just dreaming of a fairytale ending.

Thanks both, maybe I am blowing it out of all proportion afterall.

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Schnauzermum2 · 22/04/2018 21:05

I think you need to carefully consider your kids. They don’t necessarily “just adapt” my DH moved from the north to the south when he was 7. He was so upset he developed speech issues and self confidence issues. E went from a model pupil to a struggling one who never recovered academically and clung to his friends in the north (still the case at 45). It might be the right thing for you but you need to firstly make sure it’s the right thing for your kids.

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GabriellaMontez · 22/04/2018 21:06

Do you really think your mil will be surprised?

She'll have to get over it. Or you could live somewhere you're unhappy with to avoid upsetting her...

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SheFellDownTheRabbitHole · 22/04/2018 21:09

I'm more worried about my DD than DS as she's got lots of friends at school. One good thing is she's very confident and makes friends easily, it's in her nature. Schools where we would live down south are exceptional. Secondary school options where we currently live are poor.

Honestly I'm dreading telling MIL, I think she will be devastated.

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Dozer · 23/04/2018 07:44

MIL will undoubtedly be very upset and should you decide to move DH should handle that. But it’s not an important factor in the decision, right?

I don’t think where your DC might decide to live as adults or your potential feelings about that is an important factor eithet.

How much more (or less) than you each earn now might you earn in the southern town you wish to live in? Because most things will be considerably more expensive.

Suggest investigating house prices within catchment for the popular schools: there is very likely to be a big price premium on houses, eg £100k!