To get my teenager drunk

[teenagerparent]

Ok so I've NC for this as I know some people will have strong opinions! My DD is 16 and beginning to get invited to parties that involve alcohol, its going to happen. Its not changed since early 90s when I was that age and never will. AIBU to get her drunk at home over the Easter break so she knows her own limits before she is drinking without me and DH there? My thoughts are that if she knows how much she can drink without being drunk then she is less likely to over indulge out, and not end up in any dodgy situations. I've obviously done the be sensible talk, and the you can ring me anytime and I will fetch you no matter what, but I'd be stupid to think she's not going to get drunk at some point, and the likelihood of any teenager waiting until 18 to have their first drink is pretty slim.

[chocolatesun]

There was a recent study which suggested letting teenagers drink even moderate amounts at home encourages them to drink more out of the home, so the opposite effect. See: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/25/giving-teenagers-alcohol-may-increase-risk-of-drink-related-problems-study
So I think it’s better to stay the moral authority and rethink your plan.

[KarmaStar]

"No mum won't mind what I do,she got me pissed at Easter!"
" my dc is friends with a girl whose mum got her drunk at Easter,should I report her? "
OP allowing a youngster a small wine spritzer occasionally when they reach 16/17 is very different to purposely getting them drunk.
What is that actually teaching her?
Don't do it.

[InfiniteCurve]

Mayb she'll just learn that she likes being drunk and it's fun to do at home as well as out with friends?
Silly idea...

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

I have videoed my DD after a drink just so she can see how it changes her behaviour (done at home , in safety) .

I see young women in town totally shitfaced and think "They're not safe" either from mugging, falling or assault.

So yes , OP , I can see where you're coming from, but she doesn't need to get drunk.

How many times do you hear the old hackneyed "people in France don't get pissed because they let children drink wine with dinner at 10yo"

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Why is there an expectation she has to follow the crowd and drink to get drunk

I would be looking at teaching her that she doesn't have to do what others do.

[newcupcake]

Holy cow under your care your daughter sounds as if she is at risk of significant harm , if I was a friend of yours in real life I'd be referring you to social care

[Huntinginthedark]

Well it might put her right off
If that’s what you’re trying to achieve

[BertieBotts]

I can see what you're thinking but I don't think it will work. She's not going to learn her limits from one episode. I would put your efforts into encouraging her to stick to things like beer, cider and wine rather than alcopops or spirits instead. If she must drink spirits then she needs to learn something about it IMO.

Beer and wine don't taste nice enough and teens learn that they can mix spirits with nice sweet tasting drinks so the whole thing is palatable. But because of the relative strength of spirits, it's easy to drink enough in a very short time to cause a person to get drunk before they FEEL drunk. And if they drink more in the meantime, then they're in trouble.

If you can show her anything, it's that alcohol takes a while to kick in (because it has to be metabolised first) - which means that although she might feel totally fine, it's a good idea to pace herself, e.g. alternate soft and alcoholic drinks, until she gets used to the pace at which it affects her. Sometimes this can be difficult because peer pressure will likely encourage her to keep taking alcoholic drinks. Shots are especially dangerous so this can be an issue. If she's slim and/or small framed, alcohol can affect her more quickly, particularly if she's trying to keep up with friends who might be male, bigger bodied, or more experienced with alcohol. Show her the article on wikipedia about blood alcohol content which has a breakdown by weight and compare to levels of drunkenness.

Alcopops might be okay if the number is limited, because the overall content of them isn't very high - I think self mixed drinks tend to be the killer.

[witchofzog]

I understand what you mean. You want her to over indulge at home so she knows what she can and can't handle, in a safe environment where you are there to look after her, compared to getting blotto elsewhere with other factors at play. It kind of makes sense to me. I still remember my first time of being drunk and very sick, and having to get back to a friend's house while fending off 2 dodgy but clumsy men. Had they been a bit more sinister I would have stood no chance. I swore after feeling so poorly I would not do it again. And I have never necked that much cider since

[kimanda]

.

[DistanceCall]

She doesn't have to get drunk ever. You can drink and stop when you realise you're getting tipsy, or a bit dizzy.

The problem is that she lives in a culture in which systematic drunkenness by default when you go out seems to be the norm.

[ConstantReminder]

Not all ids actually ‘drink to their limit’. In any case limits shift as tolerance levels shift. Can’t imagine encouraging this at all.

[Huntinginthedark]

I thought drinking wasn’t much of the norm these days and it was all ketamine and illegal highs
Personally I would prefer the alcohol route than some dodgy drug that hadn’t been tested

[ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo]

Far better subtly encouraging her to watch how her friends are when drunk and how cringey they are. I know my sister was piously disgusted by some of her friends being drunk and decided never to drink. She is 30 now and never has.

[Lollypop27]

Why would she want to pissed with her Mum sat in her own living room? My ds is 16 he goes to a few parties. I buy him a few cans of cider and that’s all he drinks. I talked to him about the dangers of taking a drink off someone else. He has never got drunk because I am limiting what I give him. I would also never give him spirits.

Some may call me irresponsible for buying my child alcohol but I would rather give him some than him take it off someone else.

[MissKummerspeck]

Seriously?

[BevBrook]

I can’t see how that would work really. So she drinks to excess at home, once, goes OK so four glasses of wine are too many but three are OK (or whatever) and never does it again? Apart from the fact you would have to go through that process for every alcoholic drink in existence so she could learn her limits for all of them, it also presupposes that everyone gets rat arsed once in their life, learns their limit, and never does it again. Which I can certainly report from my own experience is very much not the case.

[MyNameIsJane]

I haven’t read the full thread but I wanted to share something that I was told on a first aid course recently. The paramedics who were running the course advised us to tell our children who were off to Uni if they were rooming with friends, who had had too much to drink and they were heading off to bed, to get them to wear a rucksack filled with towels/stuff to prevent them rolling over and sleeping on their back and choking on their vomit.

[BennyTheBall]

Don't be silly.

[Rachie1973]

To be honest alcohol hasn't ever been a banned substance in my house.

It was given gradually, over years. A beer or wine at Xmas, Pimms in the summer (lemonade diluted according to age/build) etc. The fruit ciders are in the fridge now.

They don't take without asking, but it's always been commonly understood that should they ask for one at a weekend, chances are I'll say yes.

All 6 seem to be able to drink without going to stupid extremes now. They range from 30 down to 16. One of them doesn't drink at all, he's a firefighter and likes to be on call ALL the time lol, so clearly alcohol would inhibit that. A couple are drivers and don't want to chance it.

I'd rather they'd had this gradual 'its no big deal' introduction, rather than getting pissed straight off the bat.

[oldmums]

your job as a mum is to keep her safe and teach her NOT to get drunk, yes she probably will get drunk but that her right of passage its not for you to enable her! Teach her to drink sensibly and how to make good choices

[erinaceus]

Is there something specific you are concerned about around drinking? For example involving drink-driving, coercion, the physical effects of alcohol or other substances, something else?

Not all teenagers drink to excess, and I am not entirely convinced that your suggestion would work anyway - plenty of people drink to excess multiple times, it's not as if knowing their limits stops them from exceeding them. I would say YABU.

[pinkhorse]

Errrrr no!

[DairyisClosed]

Or you know, you could not send her off into the company of people that would likely take advantage of her and plan etc her in dodgy situations. Just an idea.

[teenagerparent]

I am ready and taking note of all answers thank you. Those of you that have said teach her sensible limits, how do you know what your limits are unless you have hit them previously. I would never encourage her to get drunk at a party. I think what I am thinking is to let her drink a few at home during an Easter family get together that is already planned until it is starting to affect her so she has an idea. It must be the area we are from but most teenagers I know of have been drunk by 16, she definitely wouldn't drink just because some one else was as she is very much her own person. I drink very little myself now days and don't know what to do for the best.