to expect my DS aged 4 to not break / trash everything he touches

[gingersj]

I am at the end of my tether. Love DS to pieces, but my God, he is a whirlwind that I cannot keep up with.

Today alone he has broken one (v cheap) digital camera, brought all sorts of leaves and garden bark chips in the house, gone through 3 sets of clothes, scribbled all over a book, trashed the lounge, tried to stab the fish, jumped in 20 puddles after I said not to etc

I dont want to spend my time saying dont, dont, dont, but all of the time he is just breaking stuff, trashing stuff, being hugely clumsy, tipping glasses / cups over etc etc.

Help.

BTW he also gives the best hugs, kisses and melts my heart.

blimey manic, don't apologise! Agree with what you say about letting the housework go a bit. I think there's a balance to be struck; I wanted to spend 100% of the time with my ds and couldn't care less about the house, and some people want the house 100% clean; definitely a happy medium there somewhere!

I have a DS aged 4 like this.... The dirty clothes don't bother me but I'm not going to pretend I always manage with the diversion tactics.

I also think that sometimes it's fun to trash a room: DS2 adores making a mess and says it's his favourite! This morning I had perfect peace and quiet to get dressed, very unusual, so I knew they were up to mischief. But I also knew they were in their own bedroom, so I let them get on with it, and then told them off and tried to get them to help tidy up when it suited me.

So constant supervision is not something I can do. He needs to learn and I need to find a way of making him know this.

Forget the housework, I work full time, have a cleaner and ironing service, so am not btohered about the house. But am very very bothered when he writes on a wall as I am standing next to him talking to someone at the door....its like he does it to wind me up.

He can trash his room / playroom / sister's room as much as they like, I am totally cool with that. But it is the ongoing destruction. So tonight, really simple example, we are driving home from school and he has ripped up a kitchen towel roll and scattered it all over the car as well as spat some of it at his sister. There is just no need for it. He has ripped up a folder containing recipe cards (that he choose) and bashed his sister with them.

I got them both to clean the floor of the car as we have a rule 'what is left on the floor of the car must be rubbish, if it isn't then move it'.

It just wears me out and makes me feel bad at how bad I feel towards him.

I think you might have to let some of this just not annoy you. He is four, and he will do childish, annoying things, like the paper and recipe cards in the car. If this were me I'd just let it wash over me. He can do it if he wants, it's just another way of playing! So long as he picked the stuff up at the end, no worries. Playing I-Spy and 20 questions etc in the car can sometimes keep some kids happy, some can't keep themselves out of trouble in the car without lots of distractions, specially when they're four.

If you work full time, some of this MAY be to do with getting your attention when you are around. Some annoying person talking to you at the door is taking you away when you should be with him, is what he's probably thinking. So yes, he's doing it to wind you up because being a good boy hasn't worked (eg you've gone and ignored him to talk to someone else).

He sounds to me like he needs loads of input, and why not, he is only four. Still so young.

But I agree, he does need to learn that he will get a consequence for deliberately naughty stuff, like time out or something. But I think he needs the benefit of the doubt first; if he's doing something, can you involve him with you more or give him more of your attention first, before you assume he's just naughty and destructive.....if you have tried to involve him with you and he's still doing it then yes, he needs a consequence.

gingersj I have a ds like this too. Mine's 3.4 years. Sympathies.

Very wearing. He is my 4th child and yes they all have their moments but ds3 is the limit...the others weren't like this in such a sustained way. I can't even say he's short of attention as the others are at school full time so he gets me to himself from midday - after playgroup - until 4pm ish.

Very cuddly but very destructive.

It takes no time at all to scribble biro on a white door while one is answering the door to take in a delivery (wait until your dd is older manictigger), or to throw all the cutlery out of the drawer into a messy pile on the kitchen floor while some laundry is being folded.

Not to mention the tantrums...

Sorry gingersj, no answers but you aren't alone.

I know this is a couple of days old but just wanted to add that, yes, I have a son like this too. He's a bit like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, after it's happened he knows he shouldn't have done it but 5 minutes later his natural bouyancy returns & he's causing havoc again.

Sometimes it's naughtiness but other times it's curiosity.

Gingerj, sympathies, it's just a phase!
My DS was 4 last Sept and started full time Reception then (we are in Wales) - his behaviour showed marked improvement as I think he was more than ready for the challenge/stimulation of school. Also, he has recently improved again e.g. on Bank Hol Monday spent all morning happily colouring/painting masterpieces (tidily in colouring books rather than over walls etc). His teacher also recently told me that his behaviour at school is a lot less boisterous and he is helpful putting things away in class etc.
He's now at the stage where he 'plays' properly on his own (doesn't constantly whinge for me or DH to play with him) and helps to toys away etc Does occasionally go a bit mad but these episodes are getting fewer and far between.
Best advice I can give you whilst your DS is in this energetic phase is to physically tire him out as much as possible - park, playgroup, indoor climbing frame place etc
I think I read somewhere on MN that this age is when boys get a big testosterone rush, akin to adolescence, which is why they test us.
Sorry for long post, but HTH

my 4 yr old dd has got worse since she started full time school. she was a born terror, so it's not about 'being a boy'
now she's at school with others all day, she's learning some nice words to go with it too , lovely

hey mummydoit, mine also liked to empty out the 'small pieces' stuff. i got sick of asking them not to, so (after quite a few warnings) i spent 5 hours sorting it out like you did......into bags for the charity shop.

she likes to trash everything she comes into contact with, don't know why! i am always finding stuff that she has stashed under her pillow or under her bed, often ripped into little pieces, wtf?

i spend all my time with her trying to get the message through. thing is, she gets the message, she just likes doing it anyway. i'm sure it's just age ......