WIBU me or DH?

[VerityRarity]

I've inherited some money from a great uncle, as has DD (whose 2). My money alone is enough to buy a house with a mortgage but with DDs could buy us a 3-4 bed house in the town we're in now (aka near both families, DDs Nursery etc) outright or with a very tiny mortgage.

DD has a few extra needs, and may need to live with us for the rest of her life. The Will stated that if the money was going to be used to directly benefit DD we could ask the solicitors permission to use the money and he'd made a decision. The solicitor has been told about DD, her extra needs and feels my plan to buy a house which DD would directly inherit after my death --because even if she can't live in it, it would help pay for her care/a small flat for her-= is a good plan so has given me permission to use DDs money.

DH and I have been married 2 years in April (got married when DD was 10 months old). We currently live in a small but lovely housing association flat on the ground floor. I'd happily stay here if it hadn't been for this opportunity. DH works full time, I work but mostly from home (going to the office once a month or so) so I can be around if DD has a fall or whatever at Nursery and I need to pick her up.

DH wants us to get a mortgage, using the money from my GU as a deposit and get a 5 bed house. He says he wants to have the space to be "away from us" (DD and I). He keeps going on about having a gaming room for himself and being able to invite his friends round every week for a drink in "his room". He's on about having his mum and dad down next christmas and still having room for his best friend - his parents live 5 minutes drive away and see us at least once a fortnight and have never expressed a desire to stay with us, his best friend lives in the next town but has slept on the sofa bed in the living room the last two christmases (and will again this year) from Christmas Eve until Boxing Day.

He's a great dad generally, often takes DD for "father-daughter" time on a Sunday, does half all the chores, helps with the cat, he's pretty good at DIY, and he takes DD to Nursery in the morning on the 3 days she's in even though it's the opposite direction to his work. So I do feel this is a joint decision.

I've told him i don't think that's a good idea. If we got a 3 bed and needed a tiny mortgage it would cost us less than our rent costs us per month - we currently pay £300pm rent, a mortgage would be about half that, whereas with the 5 bed will easily cost what we're paying in rent now plus a bit more we can afford for our "rent" to go up a bit but I'd be worried about other things such as bill increasing as it's a bigger place. Plus we'd also have to maintain it like we don't have to here, so if the boiler breaks it's our responsibility not the Housing Associations.

I don't want to override his decisions and come across as controlling just because it's my money, we're only 26 and 28 so this is a fantastic opportunity and he'll be paying half the mortgage if we end up needing one but I'm trying to future proof our investment. If the worst was to happen to DD and she needed care I feel as her parents it's our responsibility to pay for as much of that as we can, so I'd sell the house and downsize. 3-4 beds sell a lot easier here than 5 bed+. We're still not sure if we want other children yet so our focus 100% needs to be DD and her potential future needs.

So who's being sensible here me or DH?

[TalkinBoutWhat]

You could also protect your share of the asset if he agrees. Do you think he would?

[RB68]

Hmmm I would also go for legal advise (maybe the solicitor who acts for your DD) and ask him about married property from inheritance.

I actually think the best move would be to put all the money in a trust for your daughter that then buys a property (that the sol approves) which is in your daughters trust and you guys pay her a rent (into her trust) for the portion her original money has bought.

Sounds complicated - it is as is inheritance law and as are the finances on divorce. Just ask yourself who your DH is actaully thinking of here.

[TalkinBoutWhat]

Ooh, I know. If you ring fence your daughter's share, and legally protect your share of the inheritance in case of divorce or death, then you can jointly fund the difference with a mortgage and buy a 4 bedroom house. So stretching yourselves a bit, but ring fencing all of the inheritance money away from your DH. By getting some of what he wants he might be more agreeable to signing a legal agreement to that effect.

[VladmirsPoutine]

All talk of house buying etc aside, I'd be consulting a lawyer to make sure every single penny of that inheritance is accounted for in the event of a divorce or something happens to you. Sounds like your H is literally seeing £ signs.

[DontCallMeCharlotte]

I would say get a 3-4 bed house but with a garage. Seeing as pretty much only a Fiat 500 will fit into a garage these days, he can have that as his man cave. Or a shed. Preferably with a leaky roof.

[Bluntness100]

Your plan is to use your daughters money to buy a bigger house? I think this is fine as long as you set out on purchase that she owns the percentage of it she's purchased, to be held in trust and sale based on all three agreeing. Otherwise I'd think you were just taking her money.

As for a mortgage on top of that, it's a judgement call. And yes both of you get a say.

But does he not wish to use any of her money? Is that it?

[BitOutOfPractice]

It's completely pointless having a five bedroom house (which will have the associated extra rooms downstairs don't forget) when there's only three of you. Extra maintenance, utility bills, cleaning etc so that he can have a games room?

The idea of living mortgage free or with a tiny mortgage is so so appealing!

[Aki99]

Go back to the solicitors for advice. The money should really be set aside in a trust for your daughter so that if you split up, the funds are protected. They might be already. What do the land registry documents say? If your daughter is two I imagine there must be a trust involved.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

I agree with your logic. Interest rates are at a historic low so I wouldn't unnecessarily overstretch myself.

[timeisnotaline]

I would ringfence your daughters and your inheritance given your dh is being very selfish when it is his daughter who will need care and none of it is his inheritance. And I would try and leave some cash invested for your daughter- if you are both healthy, given your ages you have many years of being able to pay a mortgage so a reasonable sized one is perfectly ok.

[roomsonfire]

you can have the house put in trust op. so If you buy the house with DDs money it goes into her 'trust'. Talk to your solicitor about all these things and how she could access the trust for things like care.

[ReanimatedSGB]

It's your money, and your DD's money. Not your H's money. Yet he's the one making plans to spend it in ways that benefit him more than you and DD.
You need some good legal advice, as PP have said, because this marriage may not last and you need to ensure that your DD's future is taken care of and, while your H doesn't end up being completely disadvantaged, he doesn't get to line his own pockets at DD's expense.

[Weezol]

Your plan is good and sensible. Stick to it. As other posters have said, the property needs to be in yours and DDs name.

You are both in your 20's and mortgage borrowing has been relatively cheap in the last 15 years. In the past interest rates on borrowing have been 16 % and more. Would Googling 'historic interest rates' and showing him some scary numbers help?

Your relative has been very canny in his will making sure you and DD will have a secure future. Don't let DH guilt you into undoing this - he's got all excited about being 'rich' and is off on a flight of fancy while forgetting that it's not his money to spend. I reckon he'll calm down in a week or so and put his grown-up head back on.

[userabcname]

Nope he's got to grow up. Sorry. Sure, in an ideal world I'm sure he'd love a gaming room just as I'm sure you'd love a room all to yourself and a playroom for your DD etc. It's just not practical. Go with your prudent decision. Also he is being a CF wanting to get the most benefit out of your inheritance! I'd tell him if you do get extra space in your new house, then it's space for you not him! Selfish beggar.

[DailyMaileatmyshit]

Do you only have DD? If you buy a 3 bed, or a 4 bed, why couldn't you have a second TV room (or 'his' room if he insists on calling it that?)

We have DS and 4 beds. One is our room, one DSs room, one a 'man cave' and one a spare room. I like having a 'man cave' as it means no fighting for TV vs gaming time and a place for all his computer bumf and stuff I don't want out! He likes being able to leave stuff out that DS shouldn't touch as we can just close the door and ignore it.

[Jaxhog]

Get legal advice on how to protect yours and your DD's interests. Whatever else you do. You may be able to put the house into a Trust or something similar.

Until you mentioned your DH's desire to 'get away from you', I'd probably have said go for a bigger house. His comment suggests he's already thinking of separation and his own needs before yours. Pretty selfish behaviour considering you're the 2 who've inherited.

[Hissy]

Buy this house outright and get a deed of trust to protect the inheritance, so that if anything happens, you and your DD are able to get back the money left to you and only any increase in value in the property is divided.

BOTH INHERITANCES need protecting.

[Tinselistacky]

Will you have more dc? 3 bedrooms is plenty if not.
Get the house you want and a bloody shed in the garden for dh. Is he really invested in parenthood if his thoughts are getting away from dd?

[Eliza9917]

VerityRarity
He says he wants to have the space to be "away from us" (DD and I)

Hahahaha, what a CF, I'd ask him where he wants his divorce papers sent, what a fucking cheek.

[Orchardgreen]

He helps with the cat?
I have two cats and they are probably five minutes work every day.

[StormTreader]

Sounds as though hes thinking of this as a huge lump of bonus money for him to spend on himself to get his dream house - hes not thinking of what your DD will need in the future, just about his lovely big present to himself.
What are his plans for cleaning and maintaining this enormous house, out of interest? How much time will he have for gaming with his mates when he has 5 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms to scrub every weekend?

[Blackteadrinker77]

He thinks it is appropriate to use your DDs money to buy him a man cave?
Tell him to get building a shed.

[PositivelyPERF]

Can I add a piece of advice, when you're looking for property? Please take into consideration that your child's physical needs may change as she gets older. When you're looking at property, try to get one that can provide a downstairs bedroom and bathroom, or you can add an extension to. That's where you need to think of keeping some money to the side, for any future needs your daughter may require. The death of someone who obviously cared about you and your daughter is not a lotto win for your DH so he needs to wind his neck in.

Also, if you get a joint mortgage it means his name is on the house, which can cause problems if you ever split. I know that's a horrible thought and hopefully unlikely, but you only have to read a few stories on mumsnet to se how things can go wrong.

Research the area and for the love of all, find out what your potential new neighbour's are like. You don't want to get a dream home with nightmare neighbours.

[wibblywobblywoo]

You sound very sensible OP, and your DH sounds like a nice person who's perhaps not quite as mature as he could/should be and has had his head turned by the idea of a palatial home. That doesn't make him a bad person but his ideas are not the best ones for the family as whole and I would hope that he will see that your ideas are the better ones for you all.

If he doesn't agree then you have a problem but for now I would just say that you sit down and explain that your plans give the best outcome for all of you and so that really is the way to go forward.

As others have said, and as you have said yourself OP, do also make sure that the investment you make is securely protected to ensure your DD is always taken care of.

Good luck, hope it all goes really well.

[Topseyt]

Consult the solicitor first, and also consider an Independent Financial Adviser.

Both should be able to help you make the most of your inheritance and protect it to help provide for your DD in the future.

Your DH is being selfish here. Why does he want to get away from you and DD? Because he is reluctant to take on his share of the caring responsibilities by any chance??

Your plan sounds the better of the two, but before proceeding you must make sure that you are protecting the money as much as possible.

If he is prioritising a games room and his man cave over the needs of you and your DD then should warning bells not be ringing here?

He needs to come to his senses and grow up. No guarantee though that this will happen.