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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to throttle GS when he won't poo in the loo???? SORRY LONG BUT NEED ADVICE

44 replies

joash · 22/04/2007 13:19

GS is 4 and has always been a bloody nuisance with the poo side of things. When he was small he would hold onto it for days on end until he literally could not hold it anymore.
No problems whatsoever in the wee department - totally dry day and night. Can hold it when we're not near a toilet and I cannot remember the last time he had a we accident. But he will just not poo on the toilet. He still holds it until he can't hold it anymore - then goes in his pants.
He's had laxatives and some other 'stuff' from the docs to try and prevent him from holding it.
We've tried every method of encouragement, etc, and now I'm ready to kill him.
Apparently this is very common in boys - but my son wasn't like this and I only know of one other person whose son was and although I love her to bits - she was a bit OTT, so her sons behaviour did not surprise anyone at the time.
HELP - any suggestions anyone????

OP posts:

frankielamb · 22/04/2007 14:43

I am new to mums net infact only found you yesterday. was feeling really low and depressed about this, but feeling better knowing there are others with same problems.

Original poster

joash · 22/04/2007 14:48

Oh frankielamb - welcome to MN. I'm actually a gran, hence GS (grandson) we're his legal guardians. This site is great for advice and for just knowing that you're not alone. I've had three kids of my own and this is the first time that I've experienced the poo issue.
I've just ordered the 'Everyone Poo's" book from Amazon - wil let you know how it goes.

OP posts:

Original poster

joash · 22/04/2007 14:50

Thanks wanderingtrolley - will have a look at that too.

OP posts:

frankielamb · 22/04/2007 14:53

sorry joash not used to all acronyms yet so didnt realise your gs is so lucky to have you hope the books work! take care

foxinsocks · 22/04/2007 15:00

it's tortuous - it really is. I can't remember exactly, but I reckon it took quite a few months to crack the problem - maybe as many as 6 months. Even now (at age 5), ds only goes to the loo (for poos) right at the last minute and still doesn't 'like' the sensation (and we occasionally have the odd poo accident).

Original poster

joash · 22/04/2007 15:09

Hoping the books, etc might help. He starts ful time school in September, so I'm hoping to have 'cracked' this by then.

OP posts:

milou2 · 22/04/2007 15:11

Hi Joash, my son is 9 now. When he was aged 4 he would do wees fine, but needed me to put a nappy on when he wanted to do a poo. So I went along with this. He would go off somewhere private to do his poo.

One fine day he took himself off to the upstairs loo and did his first poo very close to the loo!! From then on he got better at it and would just yell for me to do the loo paper bit at the end. He's just a private child who decided when he was ready to use the loo.

I hope this story is helpful. All children are different.

foxinsocks · 22/04/2007 15:20

I'm sure you will joash - actually, I've just gone back and looked in the archives. I said (in one of the old 'poo in the pants' threads) that it only took me a matter of weeks rather than months but then we had a few relapses whenever he had a painful poo. It seemed to be a 'click of the switch' moment when he suddenly realised he could do it. Ds started full time school in Sept and has been fine but it took him well over a term to do a poo at school (and he still prefers to hold on until he gets home). This is also v common and lots of his friends do this!

Good luck - let us know how it goes.

Original poster

joash · 22/04/2007 15:31

foxinsocks & milou2 - nice to know there's some light at the end of the tunnel. Glad your DS's got sorted.

OP posts:

Original poster

joash · 26/04/2007 10:58

The "Everybody Poos" book arrived yesterday. GS finds it highly amusing and looks at me quite surprised everytime he sees the picks of the boy pooing on the loo. WIl let you know how it goes. Thanks again

OP posts:

mamhaf · 26/04/2007 14:36

We had a similar problem when dd1 was almost 3 - she would only poo in her nappy although would wear knickers and go on the potty to wee.
She'd cry and insist we put a nappy on her to poo.
A specialist HV came to the house and worked out it was because she was anxious because I was pg (with bad sickness) and she'd moved a group in nursery so was with different carers...there'd been changes, and in her little mind she was thinking "it was better when I was allowed to be a baby and poo in my nappy".
HV gave us an action plan:

Prescription for a medicine (sorry can't remember what it was) which wasn't exactly a laxative, but made her poo swell so she had to go)
An incentive scheme. Fill a big basket with small but desirable pressies; show it to her with great excitement and tell her she'd have one each time she did a poo on the potty.

Then when she did it right, we made a big fuss and she could pick a present from the lucky-dip basket. We were told if she did it "wrongly" -ie went in the nappy, we shouldn't make a fuss, but change her in a neutral way - so she wasn't being rewarded for it. It worked almost immediately. Good luck - I know how stressful it is.

Pigmella · 13/04/2010 15:50

My son is almost 4. Had numerous attempts at potty/toilet training before with no success. However this Easter I had to sort it. First day me very patient and wee and poo in pants all day, refused to sit on toilet unless had pants and trousers on (not quite the point!). Day two same. Then I lost all patience at lunchtime. Took away new Easter bunny toy, refused chocolate mousse after lunch. He then sat properly on toilet. No wee, but a start. An hour later he did his first wee on toilet, that was a week ago. We've only had one wee accident since, and we're both pleased and proud. However he won't poo on toilet, will wee, then get off and poo in pants! Hasn't asked for nappy, happy to do in pants! He has always stood to poo, never had a problem with constipation. Now he is holding it in (by sitting down and trying not to move) for as long as possible. Had two poo accidents today. How do I get him to poo on toilet? Help!

Thediaryofanobody · 13/04/2010 17:30

Have you thought about keeping him at home and not letting him wear anything from the waist down, then if he does go it does drop. That way he might just realise he has to go to the loo.

But on the other hand I agree this isn't normal (although it is at the beginning of potty training just not this late into it) I would change DRs.

atworknotworking · 13/04/2010 17:38

I find this quite common, seems to be more a boy thing though. It is important to sort it asap as it can cause major problems as they get older, like impaction as one of the posters mentioned.

I have had a couple of mindees (am a childminder) who refused to poo on the loo, with one we put glitter in the cysten - the poo fairy collected it worked well. With another we made poo, crunch up some cereal stuff, cocopowder, syrup, raisins etc put into a food bag and shape away, a bit gruesome, esp as they can eat it later but if they are a bit scared of poo it helps, you could also drop some down the loo to see the splashes if thats the problem. Its fun and does help.

We also had one that would only poo at our house, weekends were fun.

MintHumbug · 13/04/2010 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babbi · 13/04/2010 18:23

Exactly what Jamiesmum and Fox says.

Don't get angry with him he can't help it.
He MUST be referred to a specialist so insist GP does this asap. Meantime get him started on Movicol from the GP to make it more difficult to hold on to.

My DD was the same .... bribery doesn't work as his fear is too deep rooted like many kids....I even offered my DD a trip to Florida and a £600 toy house for the garden I was so desperate to get her to do it .. even they didn't work ( DH nearly killed me by the way ).
She will be 5 next month and finally started using the toilet last week .
My GP was fantastic and worked very hard with my DD and I and we did eventually get there after a very long time.

I really do sympathise with you , I got that I simply couldn't sleep at night with the stress of it. It WILL happen ... and as another poster said (sorry can't remember who) it is an emotional thing ... for him evenmore than you. Good luck

cruelladepoppins · 13/04/2010 19:56

Hi joash - another poo saga from me. DS is 8 (yes 8) and has not quite cracked it even now. We did everything - books, charts, HV, clinic, laxatives, routines, younameit (except we had not thought about atworknotworking's suggestions - wow! some fantastic ideas! poo fairy lol) He is a lot better than he was but is by no means perfect.

He will "sit up" every morning and if he does a poo, well and good. He will sometimes go later on of his own accord. It's just sometimes he seems not to know he needs to go, or can't be bothered, or is engrossed in something else. He also has little "pee" accidents. What is a bit for us is he never has an "accident" at school or outside - only at home or at grandma's or auntie's house. (They are not impressed when I tell them I think this means he feels at home there! ) He is otherwise extremely bright and articulate, which has made it all the more frustrating. The best he can tell me is he "doesn't feel it coming".

He doesn't have a full-scale accident, really little more than a skid mark. It's still yuck though!

I still find it hard to accept he can't help it.

The ERIC website (recommended by another poster)was greatly reassuring and, as you are finding, it is good to know you are not alone!

cookielove · 13/04/2010 20:39

i think this orignal post was in 07, thats what it is telling me, so it may not be a suprise if the op doesn't reply

pranma · 13/04/2010 21:07

We had a bag of cowboys[platic]-tried dinosaurs but he didnt like them.For every poo in the loo he got one cowboy-the next earned a horse etc-by the time he had the bagful he wouldnt have dreamed of pooing his pants.I know just how you feel.Dgs was a little younger but 3.3.

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