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AIBU?

Cheeky Fuckery that I’m going to have to go along with....

88 replies

CurlsandCurves · 20/11/2017 17:39

Keeping the details vague-ish in case the person I’m talking about is on here...

Family member is having a party to celebrate a specific event. Got the invite showing date, time, food will be on offer to guests. Then £xx.xx per head!

Am I wrong in the opinion that you don’t invite people to a party, then charge them for the privilege?

Thing is I’m going to have to go along with it, pay up and go because I love this person to bits and want to be there. Don’t feel I can say anything at risk of being called a bitch by other family members on their side, as I’m related by marriage, not by blood.

DH has no qualms about tackling them about it tho, so will be interesting to see what they have to say...

OP posts:

Report

Rosieandtwinkle · 20/11/2017 19:52

We were invited to a do at a friends house recently. Happily accepted expecting it to be one of those events where a few families get together and everyone brings something along. It was....except shortly after accepting the invite we were told that we were also expected to chip in '£'s' towards the event! We have no issue with that if it was part of the invite as in 'hey, we're all getting together to do this and are going to chop in '£', do you fancy it?'....but we were a bit shocked to be told afterwards. I thought it was a bit unusual but reading some of these posts, clearly not!

rookiemere · 20/11/2017 20:12

We've had this. Invited to celebrate a couples wedding anniversary but told we would need to pay for our meal at the hotel.

I've no objection to paying for myself but I think it's very poor etiquette to issue guests with a written invite (printed in this case) which indicates the event is hosted and then effectively not host.

In the case above it would have been better to just have a drinks reception rather than a meal which the guests have to pay for.

WhimsicalTart · 20/11/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 20/11/2017 21:20

We've been invited to a "doo", it's a rugby thing (they have a bar at their house and supply food).

First time we've been asked, they are friends (sort of), when we've gone before we've taken our own booze (not sure on quality so took our own). This time we've been asked to "chip in", which implies they didn't realise the quality of the wine we brought last time. Mind you, I did ask for "our" wine

There you go, live and learn.

CurlsandCurves · 20/11/2017 22:09

Its a baby shower.

It’s in a hired room and the venue is providing food. So that’s what we are paying for.
But if I was arranging similar I’d pay for it myself!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 20/11/2017 22:40

Oh, nope. If you can't afford to host such a thing you don't have it. Or have people to someone's house. Or you find a cheaper venue, do a bring and share. But no, you can't expect people to pay for this and bring a gift. Make up an excuse and send along a gift.

expatinscotland · 20/11/2017 22:42

You don't usually have a meal at a baby shower, just nibbles and cake. It's traditionally a 2-4pm type of thing that doesn't fall over a meal time so shouldn't cost much in terms of food.

chocolateorangeowls · 20/11/2017 22:49

I think it depends on who is throwing it.

If friends are arranging it for this lady then contributing to the cost seems fine.

If the lady is arranging it for herself and expecting you to pay then that is cheeky!

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/11/2017 22:55

This is crazy. You have the kind of party you can afford not make everyone else pay for your celebration! Throwing a party just to be ‘showered’ with gifts is bad enough but not even feeding the gift givers?! What the actual fuck.

gamerchick · 20/11/2017 22:57

Don’t feel I can say anything at risk of being called a bitch by other family members on their side, as I’m related by marriage, not by blood

Am I the only one who genuinely wouldn’t give a fuck who called me anything?

Then I read it was a baby shower. Christ alive. If you pay up then it’s on your own head but I wouldn’t get invited to one in the first place because people around me know the score. Whether I love them to bits or not.

Nope!

ReanimatedSGB · 20/11/2017 22:59

Yes, if she's throwing it herself then she's being a CF - if another family member has arranged it all and the idea is that the PG friend doesn't have to pay a penny then... I can see why someone would do that (like birthday meals where everyone chips in extra so the birthday boy/girl doesn't pay anything).

Ttbb · 20/11/2017 23:06

That just not even cheeky. It's embarrassing,

Chrys2017 · 20/11/2017 23:11

It's not normal to arrange your own baby shower—usually a friend does it and in that case a request to share the cost is reasonable (but odd that it's printed on the invitation)!

kootoo123 · 20/11/2017 23:11

Every single baby shower iv been to has been a suprise. The mtb did not pay but didnt know itbwas happening. Guest chipped in and brought nibbles. Hosting your own to be showered with gifts is cheeky. Asking people to also pay ffs!!! So fed up of these entitled people.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 20/11/2017 23:11

I've had this happen to me, but only when the host was fundraising (and I was supporting the thing). Made mince pies, took wine - then had to buy my own wine back by the glass!

A baby shower though ... hmmm. Is the event is an excuse for fundraising for the less well off? And are the presents also for the financially challenged?

If the answers are No and No, then this is indeed first class CF. Invite you to a party, expect a gift AND you pay to attend as well?

A true CF.

HopefullyAnonymous · 20/11/2017 23:16

It depends. I recently went to a baby shower in a tea room, involving afternoon tea. We paid for that, and a contribution towards the decorations, games etc provided by the person organising it. Who do you think should cover the cost?

pisacake · 20/11/2017 23:18

" Who do you think should cover the cost?"

The person having the unnecessary party.

Bitchywaitress · 20/11/2017 23:31

Nope no way, you have a gift giving party the hosts pay. CF!

gamerchick · 20/11/2017 23:37

There is no depends at all. Anyone falling for this bollocks has been mugged off.

You throw a party then you pay for it!

SparklyUnicornPoo · 20/11/2017 23:42

My friend does this for her birthday every year, please give me a deposit by date 2-3 months before, balance due on the night, apparently I am the only one in our friendship group that thinks it's weird, last time i mentioned it it was put down to the fact I only plan 2-3 hours in advance (which to be fair is pretty true) I can see her doing it should she have a baby one day.

expatinscotland · 20/11/2017 23:50

'It depends. I recently went to a baby shower in a tea room, involving afternoon tea. We paid for that, and a contribution towards the decorations, games etc provided by the person organising it. Who do you think should cover the cost?'

No, it doesn't. The cost is covered by the hosts for such events. So if they don't have the money to hire out a tea room and lay on afternoon tea, you get a smaller venue/hall/someone's house and have a bring and share or nibbles and hit Poundland and Pinterest for decorations. Baby showers get a lot of flack on here for being 'American'. I am American and have been to dozens of baby showers and guests don't pay for the party venue. It's usually a couple of people hosting and they cover the cost of the venue or have it at someone's house and do bring a share. Because people are already bringing a gift.

Nyx1 · 20/11/2017 23:50

Oh so you're paying venue hire and will get a scone?

No way. I'd say no and I'd say why.

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sleeponeday · 21/11/2017 00:12

If the person the event is for is charging then that's a bit shit. But if it's someone else organising I don't see an issue? It's a nice thing to do for them.

DivisionBelle · 21/11/2017 04:47

Is the invite from the person havjng the baby?

I can see with baby showers the idea is to give things to the Mum, and is usually organised by a friend, not the pg woman. And a catered venue would be very expensive per head.

I think baby showers are dreadful grabby events anyway.

But an event in honour of someone else, at a venue, with food, I can understand why the organiser (and it is an organiser rather than host) would ask everyone to chip in for the per Head price.

And they have told you I’m advance.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 21/11/2017 07:20

I really don't like the concept of baby showers in the first place. The one exception was a shower that I went to for a friend whose DH had just lost his job and they were panicking about how they were going to manage. It was organised for her as a surprise, in a function room in the local pub, we all paid for our own meals and chipped in for our friend's food and gave her Mothercare and ELC vouchers which she was thrilled with. Sorted.

But if someone seriously thinks that you should pay a entry fee to their party and provide a gift on top of that, then they are being horrendously rude. If they want the gift grab, then it's only fair that they pay to host the party. I am also interested to see what your DH has to say about it.

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