Cheeky Fuckery that I’m going to have to go along with....

[CurlsandCurves]

Keeping the details vague-ish in case the person I’m talking about is on here...

Family member is having a party to celebrate a specific event. Got the invite showing date, time, food will be on offer to guests. Then £xx.xx per head!

Am I wrong in the opinion that you don’t invite people to a party, then charge them for the privilege?

Thing is I’m going to have to go along with it, pay up and go because I love this person to bits and want to be there. Don’t feel I can say anything at risk of being called a bitch by other family members on their side, as I’m related by marriage, not by blood.

DH has no qualms about tackling them about it tho, so will be interesting to see what they have to say...

[Msqueen33]

Er no! I think the whole baby shower is a bit crazy anyway but having to pay to go is a bit off. How much is it out of curiosity?

[Hissy]

No way would I go to a baby shower, much less pay to attend one. Your family member is on glue!

[LifeofClimb]

I once hosted a party and got people to pay

Only asked for £5 a head! It covered a BBQ buffet, soft drinks, and venue hire - though a couple of us covered about £250 each. We also put on music and sorted out decorations (all DIY) and general logistics. It was a wedding reception for a friend, our gift to them. We just couldn't afford £1000 + as a gift!! Everyone paid and was happy to be able to celebrate with the couple in the UK (their wedding was abroad).

[expatinscotland]

'Aren’t baby showers normally organised by close friends...

I find it more odd that she’s hosting her own...'

Yes, they're not organised by the mum to be. That's cheeky, then to charge the guests to attend and expect a gift . . . nah.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

It really isn't quite normal, CluelessMummy. Not normal at all. If she wanted to "go to town" over and above what your DH had funded, she should have had the grace to pay for it herself.
You were right to be mortified.

[usernamealreadytaken]

If food is 'on offer', graciously accept the kind invitation to attend, but decline the 'offer' of food and eat before you go!

[Butterymuffin]

I knew someone who did this for a big birthday, about ten years ago. Though he always was ahead of the game in CF-ery.

[Psychofortruth]

Aren’t baby showers normally organised by close friends...

I find it more odd that she’s hosting her own...

[CluelessMummy]

I was very reluctantly thrown a baby shower by a friend who wasn't the most well off. DH decided to contact her and said that since she was throwing me a party, he'd like to pay for it - she gladly accepted and it made me feel more comfortable about the whole thing. It was a lovely occasion and I could see she'd really gone to town so I asked her whether we'd need to give her any more money to cover the cost. No, she said, everyone there had been asked for money to cover the difference already. I still am mortified that people, some of whom I didn't know the well, had to pay their way to attend my baby shower, but I've been told with baby showers that's quite normal. Not something I'd have knowingly done, though!

[caringcarer]

If I invite people out for a meal I expect to pay for them. If I get invited out I expect host to pay. However if a group of friends agree to meet up somewhere all expected to pay for themself. I must be lucky as have never been invited to party or out and asked to pay.

[SpiritedLondon]

I think it's different if a group of friends get together and suggest a party for someone to which they will split the costs versus an individual deciding to throw a party for themselves and then deciding to charge guests. How do you know that the friend isn't actually making a profit from this? I'm personally not keen on the idea of baby showers - I don't think they have been in the UK for that long and I don't think it's a trend that's enhanced anything. I particularly loath the grossness of gift registries for them but thankfully none of my friends have ever felt it necessary to throw one so I have been spared. Go to it if you feel you want to but I would adjust the cost of the present to take into account the amount you have contributed. Better yet, make a handmade gift for the baby because I bet the host would really, really appreciate it. !!!! 😉

[Geordie1944]

The last time I had something to celebrate we had a family lunch and everyone invited was told that I would buy everyone an aperitif and a digestif of their choice and that I would also buy enough wine to ensure that everyone had two decent glasses of whatever they fancied. That way I treated everyone as part of the celebration, and guests then spent as much or as little as they liked on their food - I purposely picked an Italian where you could get two decent courses for around £15. Altogether it cost me around £100 to do that, which I saw as money well spent; had I hosted the whole occasion it would have been about £500, which would have made a dent in the budget. But formally charging people is the height of bad manners, and in the OP's position I would simply refuse to go and say why. What you put up with you volunteer for.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

No view, Turquoise? Of course people have views on things happening around or to them, they always have and always will.
It would be a very odd bod indeed who didn't give any headspace at all to things which weren't strictly their business...

[diddl]

If it's a meet up somewhere nice & say afternoon tea, I wouldn't mind.

I'm guessing that you don't have to eat?

[Halfdrankbrew]

I'd expect to pay for myself at a baby shower, they tend to be an afternoon tea type of thing, that seems reasonable. I didn't have one myself, I find them quite cheeky especially if you've not long since got married and are planning on christening the child too, it gets very £££ people celebrating your life events!

My mil had a big birthday this year, my fil organised a meal and a party at a hotel 2 hours drive away from where we all live for friends and family. We had to pay for the meal which was a set menu as there was so many of us and we paid for a night in the hotel. I never questioned it at the time but we basically spent £200 for the pleasure of attending .

[Viviennemary]

That's cheeky but not uncommon these days it appears. If you send out an invitation to somebody to come to a meal then the host pays. Anything else is just cheapskate. If you can't afford to pay don't invite people. Simple.

[Turquoise123]

I don't see a problem - they are being clear. You don't have to go . You don't have to think it's a good way or a bad way to through a party. You don't have to have a view . It's how they are choosing to behave . No view

[expatinscotland]

Do people who get asked for cash after the fact, with no warning, actually pay up? Because I'd laugh. I probably wouldn't have any money to pay them, either, especially a bring and share+BYOB.

[youarenotkiddingme]

Baby showers an odd one to charge for!

In my family if we do meals for birthdays it’s “ eating at x place. Deposit required etc” or if meal we know it’s pay for selves. But there’s about 50 if we all go!

Baby showers are arranged by siblings.
It’s usually BAB - or bring a plate.

BBQ are usually - provide own meat/alcohol - but people always bring more than their family will need and hosts keep leftovers. Usually it appears at next one

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

YANBU. Don't go.

[RhiannonOHara]

You do not have to pay.

And I will be expected to bring a gift on top of that.
In the words of Bernard Black, they can expect away!

[mrsdarcey78]

We apparently were not good enough to be invited to my cousins wedding, or the party afterwards, but we could come to the party after the honeymoon, only if we paid enough to go! and it did specify the amount and that it should be cash only! suffice to say we didn't go.

[Dramaqueenbee]

Myself and my husband were invited to a 40 th birthday party at a swanky hotel. We turned up with an expensive aftershave and card. After the party as we were about to leave a member of the guys family came up to us asking us to pay a share towards the cost. We were gobsmacked....!

[Iwanttobeanonymous]

The in laws had a party in a local club. We expected that it would be a pay bar, which it was. There was no food "because people will have eaten" and no music or entertainment...