I'm thinking you should just come home..

[NCNovember]

LO is 6 weeks old. OH didn’t see her at all yesterday as he had a work event in the evening and she was asleep when he got in at 10.30pm. Only sees her for about 2 hours every evening as he works until 8pm and she goes to sleep at 10. He always finishes early on a Friday at 3 and has text me to tell me he is going to the pub with a few of his work friends and will be home about 6. We are out all day tomorrow at a family members celebrations so our LO is being looked after by DM from 2 - 10 so he will only see her for a short time in the morning also. AIBU in thinking his priorities are completely not right and he should feel like he wants to rush home from an early finish at work to see his LO? WWYD in my situation? Am I being over sensitive? I haven’t replied yet but I honestly just feel like tearing him a new one.

[Ifearthecold]

In light of your update he should come home, if you want his support he should give it. Honestly at six weeks I would have preferred to have been having a few drinks with me mates, or lying in a darkened room with a duvet over my head! He helped produce this baby and needs to help support you to look after them, both directly and by giving you the support of adult company.

[Ecureuil]

It's a bit crap but I know that my husband found the newborn days very boring

So did I TBH but I didn’t get the chance to go off to the pub every Friday afternoon. I imagine the OP doesn’t either.
I agree with OP. You’ve been at home all week with a newborn. A bit of support and company wouldn’t go amiss.

[Fruitcorner123]

Has he replied to your text? Is he home now?

[ArcheryAnnie]

but I know that my husband found the newborn days very boring

Well, don't many of us? I mean, cuddles and BF-ing are lovely (when bf-ing doesn't bloody hurt) but much of the day to day is incredibly tedious and exhausting. Doesn't mean the fathers shouldn't be there to do their bit.

[missyB1]

God some of these replies are so depressing!
Newborns are boring and we cant expect Dads to want to interact with them???
He works and puts food in your belly so stop moaning????
Op is a hypocrite because she dares to want to go to a family event???

ffs the 1950s have called and want some of you back!

OP My Dh always rushed home in that first year, he was totally besotted with ds, but also he wanted to help me out, we were very much a team. Explain to your DH that he has a new responsibility now to his little family, and he needs to spend time with you.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

YANBU

I think this sort of thing needs dealing with early on because otherwise it creates a situation of "Default Parent". As it stands the OP cant just drop everything and go to the pub for a couple of hours because she is the DP, he can because she is the DP and that isnt how it should be.

A simple "Do you mind if I go to the pub on my way home" as opposed to "I am going to the pub on my way home" or even "Do you want to meet me a [child friendly] pub for an hour?".

He needs to understand that he is a parent too and that it isnt something he can just dip in an out of because there is someone else doing all the work . That being a parent isnt just about the child but about supporting the other parent. That family now comes first.

Otherwise you are going to end up with a man who thinks that looking after his own child is "babysitting" and doing you a favour. A man who complains about you going out twice a year compared this once a week......trust me, been there, done that.....

[HeebieJeebies456]

He can't carry on 'as before' now that he has a child at home - one that he hardly ever sees during the week!

The going to the pub every friday after work has to change!
That's a few hours extra he could be spending with his dc and doing the stuff he normally doesn't get to do because of finishing late.

You were bang on point with the text you sent him.
No doubt he'll say it's his 'break' from 'working hard all week'.........but where's your break for doing the same?
What about your feelings,needs?

He's being selfish and i would not tolerate that.
How about he uses his friday early finish to come home and spend time with you?
Maybe run you a bath, or cook for you, watch a film?.....

[notangelinajolie]

Thing is - 6 weeks old babies don't do much apart from feed and sleep. The little one won't notice if he is there or not. My DH works very long and unsociable hours too and he has done this for most of our married life which is over 27 years. I sometimes have to tell myself off for getting cross with him for not being here because he does work very hard and the hours he has to work are not really his fault. One night out isn't something worth falling out over. My advice is light a few candles, have a nice soak in the bath, get into your pj's and spend some precious mummy time with baby

[Thegiantofillinois]

There's no way I'd have mange d to have a bath by myself of when dc were 6 weeks old (mainly cos of the clusterfeeding). Dc are school age now and I'm not bothered if dh is here or not, but I needed that support in.the early days -even just to have someone else to talk to.

[RebelRogue]

YANBU to want him home because you need his help and support,and need adult conversation and you miss him.

YABU to want him home so he spends time wit a 6 week old,because babies are fucking boring.

But your update shows it’s the first one,even if your OP stated the second.
So YANBU.

[timeisnotaline]

The op has all bloody day long and most of the night to spend precious mummy time with her baby. What she wants is her husband to appear as well and support her because it's his baby too and the newborn days are hard. Op, good text, and you need to get better st communicating. Your op was rubbish and said very little of the real problem to be honest. Your dh should effectively be arranging all extra work activities with you not assuming you are home so it's fine.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Yeah OP, a bath and yet another cuddle with the baby will make everything better

Anyone suggested a spa day yet?

FFS new babies do far more than feed and sleep! They keep you up all night, have you wandering around in a daze, CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Except that they have only changed the OP's life it seems.

He can only "nip to the pub" because she is at home with the baby he helped create, yet he doesnt seem to acknowledge or respect that. The OP has been looking at the same 4 walls all day, where is the offer for him to come home early and her to go out for an hour?!

Jeez the comment about the 1950's was not wrong!

[Doubletrouble42]

Leaving a six week old for a few hrs with grandma is a crime but popping your baby in full time nursery for five days a week to go back to work is apparently fine. Mumsnetters can be very strange. BTW yanbu op.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Just because some of you are happy to settle for partners/fathers who phone it in doesnt mean that the OP should FFS. Perhaps she has more self respect.

[LakieLady]

YANBU. You need his emotional support and company.

[LuckyAmy1986]

Yanbu.
I would expect him to want to
Come home and see the baby, she is still new and I would expect him to want to her around her as much as possible. I would also want the break, so if he finishes early he should come home and help
You.

[Fruitcorner123]

My advice is light a few candles, have a nice soak in the bath, get into your pj's and spend some precious mummy time with baby

I have a five week old and i don't get time for a five min shower in the evenings let alone a bath with candles. Do you remember cluster feeding? Winding? Explosive nappies? Crying for no reason?

[ArcheryAnnie]

My DH was bored in the newborn stage

I'd missed this - another one excusing their DH because newborns are boring.

Newborns - however much we adore them - ARE boring. And sometimes so are 2 year olds, 3 year olds, etc etc. The repetition! the Wheels On the Fucking Bus! Wind The Fucking Bobbin Up! There are a good many picture books I can still recite in the dark, despite my lovely DS now being a teenager, because he wanted them read again and again and again and again and again. And they are cuddly and smell wonderful (except when they don't) and delightful and enchanting and they get funnier as they grow - and that still doesn't mean that long, long stretches of parenting are really fucking boring.

I am so fucking sick and tired of men who basically ignore their own children until they get old enough to be interesting, except for the few occasions they want to show their children off. Children are not things that can be put in a box and only taken out when we are in the mood to deal with them. Parenting is being there for all of it - the incredibly boring bits as well as the lovely bits.

Any mum who excuses their partner's lack of interest because he finds babies "boring" needs to give their head a wobble.

(OP - YANBU, in case you are in any doubt!)

[nooka]

I think I would have killed my dh if he'd tried something similar when my children were tiny. This new dad seems to think nothing of living his life as if he didn't have a baby. When I was on maternity leave I clock watched pretty much all day, dh being half an hour late was enough to make me feel very stressed. The OP's partner works until late normally, stayed out very late yesterday and plans to come home at least three hours late today. The OP can't have a lovely evening because she has a baby to look after so she will be on duty. Her dh will probably come back tipsy and unable to look after the baby then too. His priorities are not right at all.

[ArcheryAnnie]

My advice is light a few candles, have a nice soak in the bath, get into your pj's and spend some precious mummy time with baby

Have you ever met a baby, notangelinajolie? Since the OP's DH is down the pub, what is she supposed to do with the baby while she relaxes in the bath?

And the OP already seems to have had six weeks' uninterrupted "precious mummy time with baby", since her DH rarely shows. "Precious mummy time with baby" is not in short supply, here.

[AnneElliott]

YANBU op. I well remember those early days and DHs lack of involvement was a main reason why we only had one child.

He does need to step up but I have no real advice as to how to manage that as my DH chose what and when he wanted to do - and it was never the boring repetitive stuff.

[cherrycola2004]

Yeah I’d be pretty pissed off if DP did this. Not the not seeing the baby but the not coming home to be with me and help me out after an early finish, only fair for me to have a break!

Also nothing wrong with leaving your baby with your Mum tomorrow I’m sure your Mum is looking forward to it

[Bluntness100]

I want him to come home because I want the help, the support, the adult company and just to bloody see him! I feel like I hardly see him so I really do think the 3pm finishes are a great opportunity for him to come home to see us as I miss him in the week

So why didn’t you say that at the beginning? An extra couple of hours for him won’t make a difference, and no he probably doesn’t want to rush home to see her. However if you need him there that’s different. Yes he will probably still wish he was at the pub, but if uou need support during this time then be honest,

[ArcheryAnnie]

So why didn’t you say that at the beginning?

Mothers of newborns shouldn't have to beg for the fathers of the newborns to come and spend time at home, whatever the reason. This shouldn't need saying.

[Jacana]

If he's home from the pub with his mates at 6, babe goes to bed at ten, that's loads of time for him to gaze adoringly at the child, possibly while you're having a girls night at the pub yourself?.