I'm thinking you should just come home..

[NCNovember]

LO is 6 weeks old. OH didn’t see her at all yesterday as he had a work event in the evening and she was asleep when he got in at 10.30pm. Only sees her for about 2 hours every evening as he works until 8pm and she goes to sleep at 10. He always finishes early on a Friday at 3 and has text me to tell me he is going to the pub with a few of his work friends and will be home about 6. We are out all day tomorrow at a family members celebrations so our LO is being looked after by DM from 2 - 10 so he will only see her for a short time in the morning also. AIBU in thinking his priorities are completely not right and he should feel like he wants to rush home from an early finish at work to see his LO? WWYD in my situation? Am I being over sensitive? I haven’t replied yet but I honestly just feel like tearing him a new one.

[bunerison]

Really don't stress about leaving the baby with your mum tomorrow. I assume you trust your mum and therefore it's a non issue. I left my eldest to go to a family wedding when he was 7 weeks old. I wasn't exactly thrilled about it but there was no way I could not attend and DS was far too much of a grouchy baby to take with me so my mum and dad had him for about 9 hours, they loved it, I got a break from the screaming and DS was none the wiser. The wedding was on DH's side before anyone asks.

[Babyjunglesafari]

Yes he should come home if only to give you a break and some adult company.

But as you can see there’ll be plenty queuing up to tell you that parenting a baby is way too boring for the poor diddums. How you should be a good wife and leave him to do man stuff like going to the pub.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Well it's not a one-off is it? He was at a work event yesterday till late - fine, but that still has an impact on the OP - and he's chosen to go to the pub today - which has an impact on the OP - and they're doing a thing the op doesn't really want to do tomorrow with his family - which has an impact on the OP.

Yes, I would have expected him to come straight home from work today.

[MissFlashpants]

He’ll see his daughter daily for the next 18 years. I think one night in six weeks isn’t really all that fair to focus in on.

[passthecremeeggs]

As a PP said one night makes no difference in the grand scheme of things as to whether he spends it with your baby or not.

If what you're actually saying is you want him to come home because you're climbing the walls with only a baby for company that's totally different - and if that's the case just be clear with him. Guilt tripping on what you think he should want to do will never get you anywhere.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Two nights Flashpants - he didn't see her last night either.

Am I the only person who remembers how long 48 hours is when you're alone with a newborn?

[Chewbecca]

Seeing your DC for 3 extra hours this evening won't make any difference to your DC or him. In fact, it is good for all of us to spend spare time doing fun things, you don't have to spend every spare minute with your DC to be a great parent. I would leave if it this is your problem with the situation.

But if you are really complaining that you want him home to support you, for example if you are knackered from looking after your child and would really appreciate him being there so you can have a rest while he looks after the baby, I'd have more sympathy. If this is the case, tell him.

[Priam]

I think you're overreacting OP

[Chewbecca]

I meant I would leave it, not I would leave!

[Babyjunglesafari]

Let’s be totally honest here everyone, I’m sure people can read between the lines.

This isn’t simply about him spending an extra couple of hours with the newborn. Op probably wants a break and to spend Friday afternoon together while they’ve got the chance.

[Fruitcorner123]

I really cannot believe people are having a go at you for leaving your DD for a planned family event but its ok for him to just go to the pub whenever he fancies. Double standards. The OP has her DD every day until 8pm and presumably does night feeds so I too would expect extra help on a friday when he can be home earlier.

For me its about him supporting you by coming home early when he can and yes I agree he should want to.

I would send a text saying "please come home as soon as you can as I am tired and could do with some support and adult company" and see how he responds. It's (presumably) honest and to the point. You cant make him come home but he should really imo.

[BikeRunSki]

Do his colleagues want to “wet the baby’s head”? In which case, i’d just let him. It’s a dad’s rite of passage.

[Ifearthecold]

If you want his company or help then he should come home. If you are happy and it is just about spending time with baby then some time with his friends may be good for him.
There is no way I would have coped with my dh not being at home when he could be at that age but our pair were dishing out sleep deprivation that would have been illegal under the Geneva convention. It felt like a battle for survival.

[AccrualIntentions]

Do you actually want him to come home or are you just annoyed because you think he "should"?

[Butterymuffin]

work trumps home, work puts a roof over your head and food in your belly

But it isn't work he's staying out for, is it Dunk? It's the pub. And the pub doesn't do those things. Quite the opposite.

Fruitcorner Exactly! Posters desperate to be cool and say oh he's the big man, he WORKS, so you and your DD just need to fit round everything he wants to do.

[Mamabear4180]

Yanbu just ask him to come home.

I'd take baby to the event tomorrow but that's me, it's ok not to but I think you can change a plan you made before the baby came along if you want to.

[NCNovember]

No I don’t just want him to come home because I think he should. I want him to come home because I want the help, the support, the adult company and just to bloody see him! I feel like I hardly see him so I really do think the 3pm finishes are a great opportunity for him to come home to see us as I miss him in the week. I messaged back to say I would just really like him home for the above reasons and he’s not read it yet. I don’t think I’m in the wrong for just wanting him to be here with us on his first proper opportunity of the week. If I had my way I would never leave my LOs side but unfortunately life doesn’t go that way and sometimes I have to keep other relationships happy by not missing their long awaited pre wedding celebration and I know my LO will be happy with my DM. I’m not advocating us leaving her tomorrow as if this is okay for us to go out together but not him to do his own thing. I guess I just thought he would want to come home to us. FYI, he has already wet the babies head 2 weeks ago with his work friends and others. He really doesn’t need the beer or the break

[AccrualIntentions]

You're not in the wrong for wanting to come home at all, I just wasn't quite sure from the way the OP was phrased. Your reasons make perfect sense to me.

[Fruitcorner123]

You shouldn't feel guilty about leaving your baby to go tomorrow and people are wrong for making you feel like that and for people telling you to take her would you say that is OP was male? Who benefits from OP taking the baby? Surely the baby is better off warm and snug at grandmas with milk and cuddles. The OP will miss her but that happens to everyone when they firat leave their baby.

I hope he reads your measage and comes home.

[Cornettoninja]

God I remember those days, I reckon you're prime time for feeling a bit cabin fevered.

Dp didn't get it either and neither did I enough to communicate it at the time but it's such a hard slog. I could spend all day 'busy' but not actually achieving anything and longing for dp to get home and share some of the burden,

This may not be your experience but I really started to resent that he seemed to be ducking out of the shit bits which left him completely unable to empathise with how I felt. After months of pregnancy it was hard going still feeling like my newborn was still solely my responsibility - I was bloody tired emotionally, physically and mentally. It just seemed to me dp could waltz about as he liked without any care for rubbing my face in it.

He kind of understands retrospectively but I don't think he will ever really 'get it'. He did tell me he felt like an outsider a lot of the time which to a point I can sympathise with but at the same time he just needed to get stuck in, and not just with the bits he choose to, but everything baby or life related.

Try talking to him op. If your mum can look after the baby for an extended time then he can. Next 3pm finish he has book a hair appointment and tell him he's in charge. He needs to experience it to understand it.

[passthecremeeggs]

Ok but your OP was only about how he should want to come home and want to spend more time with the baby etc etc. If it's that you want more company and help just tell him, clearly. If he refuses on those grounds of course he's being unreasonable. But you need to be responsible for what you want - tell him. Don't put your own standards on him by telling him he should want to come home. It doesn't matter what you think he should want, what matters is telling him what you want.

[Babyjunglesafari]

Is it only me who thinks it should be glaringly obvious to the ops husband, that being a new mum to a 6 week old, she must be knackered, maybe bored and lonely, that she will want to just share the load and just be in their family unit.

Also, although he might not be rushing home to stare at the baby, I don’t see why he isn’t keen to just get home and be with his family. Why doesn’t he want to get home and order a takeaway, open a bottle of wine with his wife?

Why do we treat men like such inconsiderate imbeciles that they need spoon feeding, surely men are capable of basic human consideration?

[passthecremeeggs]

But what you're saying is he should want to come home/he should want to see his baby etc. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks he should want, what matters is what the OP wants and in this instance she needs to (and already has I think) ask for it.

You only get out of life what you want by asking for it or making it happen - not by silently expecting others to want the same things as you and then provide them without you ever saying so. There's nothing worse than being disappointed at not having something you want because you've silently assumed the other person should want to give it to you.

[Greyponcho]

Sounds like he needs to adjust his habits - fair enough if he was out celebrating a colleague leaving or something, but to be out on the drinks every Friday afternoon is a bit much - when do you get to enjoy the same “time off” from baby?
You need time together with him and he needs time with baby. Not fair to leave it all to you just because it suits him

[PurpleMinionMummy]

YaNbu. Your dh doesn't get a 'get out being a dad' pass because the newborn stage is boring. Hello reality! It can be boring for the sahp too, we don't get to sod off to the pub whenever we feel like because its too boring to help look after our 6 week old baby and help our probably knackered wife. I actually can't believe some of the replies on here. There's no reason why you can't have a few hours off too.