To be annoyed at these childminders?

[Twopeapods]

Me and a friend have been meeting up most Wednesdays at the local soft play centre, and lately two childminders have been meeting there also on a Wednesday.

Me and my friends usually let our kids play in the toddler area where we sit while we have a cuppa, then when the kids want to go into the big area we go with them and take them down the slides, through tunnels, etc. They are capable but we just all go in and have a good play.
We have never seen the childminders come in to check/play/watch the children. They are between one and a half to two and a half. And they have four children between them. Last week one of the ladies brought a little boy in to the toilet while me and DD were in, and when the little boy finished he said 'I need to wash my hands' and the childminder said 'no, just leave it and go play'. I was quite shocked especially as the little boy had asked!

And often the children cling to me and my friend and join in with us to play. We usually don't mind too much if everyone is behaving, but today I just got really annoyed. The kids were wanting us to help them climb up the steps, go on the splat ball etc and when we went to go to another part with our kids, one of the other kids tantrumed because we were no longer there to help her up. I've now just been saying when the kids ask, 'go find your adult if you want to do that'. And when one of the boys starting pushing all the other kids in full view of the childminder, I told him it's not nice to push etc. While she just sits pretending not to see. And it is quite often one of their minded that are doing the pushing etc. The women are getting paid to look after these kids, and I would be furious as one of their parents and found out that they just get left to their own devices in the play centre etc. It just seems so lazy!
Surely IANBU????

[Venusflytwat]

I help run a playgroup and i think the childminders who use it are really lax. Often we catch one of their charges about to wander outside or up some stairs, miles away or crying, anxious etc. The Mum’s in attendance just don’t do likewise.

I used to think CMs were the next best thing to a parent but this has really opened my eyes. I’d never use one now.

[Twopeapods]

Just to clear up, no my friend and I have no problem with the little ones getting their independence, we have 7 kids between us and they are school age, so we just take our two youngest who are both two year olds, just in case people thought we were treating them like PFB and not letting them out our sight.
And yes adults can get a coffee, have a chat, check their phones (we do) but we keep an eye/ear for what's going on with the kids. And they love it when we go in to push them on the splat ball, or chase them through a tunnel. I don't see the problem with that???
I do have a problem with anyone (not just childminders) leaving their kids to their own devices and not checking or responding to the crying.
It just so happens to be the same two childminders in this instance.

[WorraLiberty]

Yabu for going to a soft play in the 1st place. I hate them, for the reasons you’ve mentioned and other.

What? Seriously?

The OP is being unreasonable to take her child to soft play, because you hate them?

Blimey.

[WorraLiberty]

There is no reason for them to be glued to their phones when they're working.

Fine, check every now and then to make sure you don't have an important work related text or missed call.

But that should be it during working hours.

They couldn't glue themselves to their phones if they worked in a supermarket, or as a taxi driver, so what makes it OK because they're a child minder?

[Ivehadtonamechangeforthis]

YANBU

I have a one year old and a two year old, my children in my care my responsibility at ALL times! I can't stand parents, childminders, grandparents I don't care what they are who take their kids/charges to soft play or a toddler group, park or class whatever and seem to think they've done their bit by taking them there, they can effectively sit back and ignore them until it's time to go home. No you can't! You should still be keeping an eye on them to make sure they're safe, enjoying themselves, haven't wandered off and aren't getting in to any friction with any other children.

And the not washing hands thing is just gross! No excuse, sloppy and lazy!

[Helpme02]

They are 2 !
Leave the women alone ha
There is absolutely no chance I would even let my 4 year in the big part on her own !

[lalliella]

Soft play is definitely for adults too! It’s great fun. I love climbing to the top and whizzing down the big slide. Get out of my way kids! YANBU by the way.

[LosingMyWay]

Okay, maybe not unreasonable.

But if I was going every week and the same people were there every week pissing me off I’d reconsider going. Particularly on that day.

Soft plays do seem to have a few certain types though I find.

Those that play with dc a bit too enthusiastically, those that supervise dc within the climbing frame itself, those who supervise from outside and those who just ignore.

I find the ones who supervise within the climbing frame are the most precious. But the ones who ignore usually have the most unruly kids.

[citychick]

there was a group of childminders who dominated the seating area and ignored their charges

That brings back memories of the first time I, as a mum, took my then toddler to an afternoon play centre. I will never forget walking thru the gates and being eyed up and down. Somewhat intimidating.

No excuse for laziness on the job. Especially in soft play areas. They can be super busy and whilst we are all allowed a cuppa, surely the kids safety comes first. I'd be sending the staff over to ask the minders where the kids are as they are responsible for them. Probably best to keep out of the situation directly.

I live abroad ATM and childminders who are caught teasing, ignoring, mistreating their charges are photographed and facebooked on local sites. They are shamed. Kids faces are always blanked out.

On the upside, CM's doing a wonderful job might also get a mention. There are foreign domestic workers here who do most childcare jobs.
There is also a western nanny circuit. Most are amazing, but I suspect one or two get a way with a lot bully their employer

Soft play saved my life when DS was little.

[Butterymuffin]

MN has a weird snobbery about soft play, and also a total fetish about not paying too much attention to your kids when they've playing somewhere out of the house. Apparently you're a better parent if you ignore them and chat or fiddle with your phone instead You've fallen foul of all these precepts OP but I agree that it's a shit way for childminders to carry on.

[doobeydoo]

My dn worked in a soft play centre and you really wouldn't like to know what they find in the ball pond at the end of the day (clue: brown liquid). They're usually rank and tbh why why why do you think it is ok to go in them? They're not designed for adults!

[ChocolateChipMuffin2016]

I actually didn’t go with a Childminder when I was looking as she said the main activities she went to were play groups and soft play. To me those places are where you dump and run (I know this is not true of everyone, but it seems like this a lot whenever I have been). I would be gutted if this was my Childminder. YANBU.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

All our local CM re like this too
evil bitches

Not much you can do other than avoid using them !

[MrsJamin]

There are good childminders, I know plenty of them, I just know that there were bad ones too!

[AuntLydia]

That sounds incredibly annoying op. I get pissed off by the same thing but have the exact opposite experience - I'm a childminder and very conscious that I'm being paid to watch the kids I look after. I always end up being like the pied piper with other kids following me around as their parents chill out and chat amongst themselves. Much as I love kids, if I have a few to look after and interact with myself it can get very wearing ending up looking after other people's.

I do the same as you and try and direct them back to their grown up. If I clock who they belong to I point out that they were asking for help doing x y or z.

I'm very choosy now about which ones I go to - soft plays that are very small are easier for me to keep an eye on the kids and seem to attract parents who want to do the same. Big ones are a hellish free for all. I only go to playgroups that have lots of led activities and again they attract parents who are wanting to interact with their kids rather than chill with a coffee.

[Tanith]

“There is no reason for them to be glued to their phones when they're working.”

Actually, yes there is if they’re using one of the many online diaries or development observation apps such as Kinderley, Tapestry, 2-Simple, etc. etc.

Blame the culture of parents who want verse and chapter on every aspect of their child’s day.
One app I’ve seen even has a colour matching poo option plus consistency!!

[KERALA1]

"Fostering independence". At 18 months! Dear lord never read such nonsense.

YANBU OP there are some dreadful childminders about, as well as good ones. Remember being a SAHM of tiny children in London and saw some sights. My friend informed one of the mothers once (friend was a professional amazing nanny). The mother didn't want to know

[confused123456]

The hand washing part was wrong for sure.
As for adults of any type just sitting there, I can't stand that. Fair enough don't get in the way, but certainly if it's not busy, go and play with your child or the children in your care. Yes it's a safe space, but it's not a dumping ground. I hate it when I see parents sat on their phones constantly. Surely it's nicer to see their children happy playing?

[confused123456]

To add, I'm all for letting my son be independent when there. But at the same time I like to join in and play with him.
(We took him for his 2nd birthday in September, and we went in the toddler area first, then in the big area, where we went and climbed up it all with him (especially as he'd never been up it before), he done it himself, but we were there to help him in case. It was exhausting but so much fun. Then after that he went in the toddler area again.
Yes we had drinks, but I had mine while my dh and my dad went in with Daniel. Then they had theirs while I was with him. Then my dh and I went back in with him for a while).
He used to go with his childminder when he was with her, and she used to join in as well.

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

YANBU, OP. My DD is 2 and I wouldn't dream of letting her go feral at soft play. You still have to supervise! Even more so if that's what you are being paid to do. I've also seen childminders out and about who don't interact with the kids and just sit on their phones.

I was at soft play once and a boy who was at least 7 was in the under 4s area. He started throwing balls from the ball pit at my 18 month old's head. When I told him to stop, he started throwing them at my head. We went off to do something else. When he spotted us about 5 minutes later, he said "ha!" and started try to hit us with the balls again, but there was netting in the way. I said something like "well, you won't be able to hit us with netting in the way will you!". Not my finest moment. But he got out of the ball pit, ran round to find us and hit me full force with both fists in the middle of my back. I said "where are your parents?!", he ran to find them, I followed. When I told his Dad what had happened, he said "So what? Kids will be kids innit?". He did actually say 'innit'.

But that's the attitude of some of the parents and carers at soft play, OP, so that's what you're up against if you want decent behaviour from them and their kids!

[WorraLiberty]

Actually, yes there is if they’re using one of the many online diaries or development observation apps such as Kinderley, Tapestry, 2-Simple, etc. etc.

Errrm no there isn't

You don't let a 1.5yr/2.5yr old charge play unwatched in soft play, because you've got your head buried in a phone.

Pick a more suitable time if you really must use those apps.

[Snap8TheCat]

How lovely!

A cm bashing thread- haven’t had one of these in a while 👏👏👏

[Ohyesiam]

So what do they say when you go up to then and say" can you mind your child "?

[Tanith]

“Pick a more suitable time if you really must use those apps.”

Suggest a more suitable moment than at the time the observation is happening.