To be annoyed at these childminders?

[Twopeapods]

Me and a friend have been meeting up most Wednesdays at the local soft play centre, and lately two childminders have been meeting there also on a Wednesday.

Me and my friends usually let our kids play in the toddler area where we sit while we have a cuppa, then when the kids want to go into the big area we go with them and take them down the slides, through tunnels, etc. They are capable but we just all go in and have a good play.
We have never seen the childminders come in to check/play/watch the children. They are between one and a half to two and a half. And they have four children between them. Last week one of the ladies brought a little boy in to the toilet while me and DD were in, and when the little boy finished he said 'I need to wash my hands' and the childminder said 'no, just leave it and go play'. I was quite shocked especially as the little boy had asked!

And often the children cling to me and my friend and join in with us to play. We usually don't mind too much if everyone is behaving, but today I just got really annoyed. The kids were wanting us to help them climb up the steps, go on the splat ball etc and when we went to go to another part with our kids, one of the other kids tantrumed because we were no longer there to help her up. I've now just been saying when the kids ask, 'go find your adult if you want to do that'. And when one of the boys starting pushing all the other kids in full view of the childminder, I told him it's not nice to push etc. While she just sits pretending not to see. And it is quite often one of their minded that are doing the pushing etc. The women are getting paid to look after these kids, and I would be furious as one of their parents and found out that they just get left to their own devices in the play centre etc. It just seems so lazy!
Surely IANBU????

[kyph09]

There is no either profession that would get treated and posted about like cms are.

MN would pull a thread who continually spoke so disrespectful about teachers or nurses or doctors.

I’m sure i’ve read far more disrespectful comment about teachers and nurses (particularly midwives and health visitors) on here than about childminders

[berliozwooler]

Our childminder worked together with a small group of others, was well known in the local community, and if there were any concerns in the manner of those expressed by the OP I would have soon heard about them!

I didn't even properly consider nurseries - all the local ones at the time were only "satisfactory". Much better for them to be in a home environment - the CM was the next best thing to me being there.

[berliozwooler]

YANBU. They sound a bit crap.

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

*there

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

That sounds awful. Yanbu they aren’t looking after the kids properly by the sound of it. They should respond to their needs and help them, would those who say leave them do that with their own children when crying or not let them wash their hands and no you are paid to watch the children not just to sit their on your phone drinking coffee the whole time ignoring their needs. No.

[Lovelymess]

YANBU - that's so annoying

[Alphvet]

Yanbu at all. Part of the reason I chose nursery for my kids was that there are more people accountable for the kids welfare and also mostly the kids are in one place.
I do think it's difficult when ratios aren't 1:1 and I found it really tricky with my 3 and 4 year old when they were younger taking them to soft play on their own

[Snap8TheCat]

There is no either profession that would get treated and posted about like cms are.

MN would pull a thread who continually spoke so disrespectful about teachers or nurses or doctors.

Also some of the people you are calling cms indeed are nannies or another childcare provider. But don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story.

[chocolatemademefat]

To me as a childminder the worst thing about play centres are parents on the equipment - usually making sure their children have full run of the place while other children have to squeeze around them.

How are kids ever to develop skills in these places when adults are lifting them on and off equipment - equipment that is usually not suitable for them.

Not all childminders are the same but the disdain they are treated with on here is plain nasty. I care about the children in my care and as in all walks of life every profession has good and bad examples.

[Someonessnackbitch]

I have ‘the age’ argument with myself all the time. My soft play area is pretty small so may be different to yours. My son is 2 1/2 and I let him go off alone, watch him most of the time but he’s more than capable of doing it alone, I panic during the busy half term periods. Saying that it also depends on how old your children are, I think around 2 1/2-3 the adults should probably not go in unless it’s very empty.
Unfortunately childminders meet up and when they do they have a chit chat and neglect their duties. Hopefully they don’t do this all the time.

[worrierandwine]

We went to a soft play once...never again! I felt I had to be in with my DD just to make sure she wasn’t being dragged around by older kids or falling down something too big for her or getting stuck. While I was in there helping my DD down a steep stair type structure there were another couple of kids nearby who looked like they were familiar with each other as one was hugging the other. I was focusing on my DD but could hear crying above me, I didn’t think much of it as it’s full of kids so there’s loads of noise and crying and you can’t possibly watch ALL the children. Next thing I know a mother (who had been sat down engrossed in conversation with her friend for the duration of their visit) came flying past me screaming “he’s choking her, he’s choking her” she then proceeded to give me a death stare whilst clutching her child as if to say why had I not intervened! I’ll never understand how parents can go to these places for a rest, I came out traumatised, sweaty and in need of a stiff drink! Think we’ll stick to a walk down the field or a good old park!

[Totallypearshaped]

Why don’t you give hem notes for their parents.

Slip them into the children’s pockets as you help them climb and stop them from falling.

“I’m not sure you are aware, but your child has asked me to accompany him for a poo today in the soft play center as his lazy CM was sat on her arse, not even bothering to look after him. This isn’t the first time he’s been left without adult supervision. I’d sack her and get one who gives a fuck”

[SeamusMacDubh]

This isn’t only behaviour observed in the South East, CMs are like this in the East Midlands too

I don’t use a CM (or a Nursery) but I’m glad I get to observe the local CMs first hand in case I ever do need one. I don’t think it’s odd that MNers comment on CMs, they tend to be in the places mums would be: school grounds, preschool drop offs/pick ups, soft play centres, parks/sports fields, libraries, general public spaces suitable for young children etc.

I have encountered CMs at two of my local softplay areas and the behaviour the OP describes is typical. OP, YANBU and FWIW I too play with my DC (2 & 3 YO) on the large frame and help/encourage them on the trickier parts. I am hopeful that in the next 6 months that I won’t have to be a constant presence though, I have been going to soft play for about 2 years now and have not yet sampled their coffee

[Abbylee]

It doesn't get much better as they get older. When we belonged to a gym with a pool, i would pretty quickly know who had a cm bc they found my dc and me. They mostly wanted me. I've pulled them up as they were going under at the deep end (my dc were swim team, able to be in deep). I think that the dc were lonely, still missing mother's attention and recognized me from school.
If i really felt a child needed supervising, i would take a break, sit down by cm and chat. Eventually i would mention that i had to fish their charge out of the drink. That usually made them look more sharply. Most were young women who were not neglecting them purposely, just didn't realize how easy it is for child to hurt themselves.

[TeenageFanclubNOT]

if you're not watching your kids like a hawk how do you know if they are behaving ? No wonder I see so many bullying little shits acting up in these places, it's because most people think they can dump and chill! Fair play ( literally ) to all the mums who get involved or notice when behavior needs addressing. Yanbu.

[Lovingit81]

YANBU OP! I would be horrified if it was my childminder. Awful behaviour and I can't understand why some ppl are giving you such a hard time.

[Enwi]

I'm a childminder myself and I can say I have 100% witnessed the kind of behaviour that OP describes from other childminders. I have also witnessed it from GPs, parents, friends looking after friends kids and all sorts.
The hand washing thing is odd, but I'd imagine there is some sort of back story. I used to have a mindee who used to drive me batty saying she needed the toilet anywhere we went purely because she enjoyed the excitement of visiting new toilets, washing her hands, using the hand dryer etc. We made a new rule that if she said she needed the toilet and she didn't, then she wouldn't wash her hands/ flush the toilet/ use the hand dryer. She was almost 4 and too old to be wasting everyone's time and taking my attention away from other mindees needlessly.
I do agree with the majority of posters- if another adult was in the play area and my 18 month old/ 2 year old was mithering them there isn't really much I can do. Obviously I would ask them to come away but ultimately soft play is a place for independence and children. Not adults. Obviously the baby area is different.
I do agree with the OP though that far too many people use soft play as a creche service. My mindees are always watched very carefully by me on the odd occasion we do go to soft play, but for the most part they are encouraged to go and play independently, usually so I can spend most of my time with the babies in the baby area.

[Evelynismyspyname]

Supervision can be line of sight. That is proper and appropriate supervision in a safe environment. Arms length supervision isn't required all the time. Being on the equipment blocks it for other kids and even if quiet isn't necessary to be supervising adequately.

Watching, not playing on your phone or unaware of where your children are for toddlers and preschoolers, yes, but watching is supervision. Being on the equipment might be good for a small part of the time, but generally software play is somewhere where line of sight supervision is appropriate. 1:1 interaction and adult led activities often happen at home, where soft play is a space for physical play without an adult hovering or directing unless there's a problem. Especially for childminders or sibling groups or groups of children who know one another and play together.

[PeapodBurgundy]

Supervising your children in soft play has nothing to do with 'helicopter parenting' (I HATE that phrase). DS is old enough (19 months) that the toddler area no longer holds his attention for the whole session, so he likes to go in the main frame after a while, but he's a slight build, and can't manage to climb some parts alone. He goes in the first level and part of the second by himself, but when I see he's trying to get up the the third level, I go up and give him a boost, then leave him to it (he can get down fine obviously as that's easier). Some days I stay with him the whole time, because he wants to play with me (usually when it's quiet so other children are thin on the ground) I'm surprised that so many people find it unreasonable for an adult to go into soft play. Eagerly anticipates the day he's tall enough to climb the whole frame by himself

[helensburgh]

I think the childmonder part os irrelevsnt here.
This happens at every soft play every yime ive ever been. Can be childmindrs or parents doing it.

[Evelynismyspyname]

Mani childminders are out and about in the community so on constant public display. Most of the time nobody sees what's going on in a nursery except at drop off and pick up.

[Evelynismyspyname]

Developmentally isn't it actually better to let children do what they can do, not lift them onto things they can't climb?

Its a very well established school of thought that you encourage and observe but don't put children into positions they couldn't get themselves into.

Apart from anything else if you've climbed up yourself you can climb down (you might get scared but you can ) - if someone lifted you up it's perfectly possible that getting down is genuinely beyond your current abilities, and you're going to need rescuing.

[manicmij]

Some little ones aren't confident playing on their own and do need a little help now and again in soft play areas. Personally I have never been enamoured with childminders. Just feel that there is no one scrutinizing what goes on. Feel safer in a nursery environment. I acknowledge that there have been cases to cause concern in these establishments. Considering the number and the amount of children in nurseries the complaints are few and far between. Don't see any figures published on complaints about childminders but there have been plenty mentioned on this platform.

[Jessikita]

I have to admit this has been my experience of child minder’s at soft play.

I prefer a nursery anyway (personal preference) so I would have never used one anyway. So I can’t say it put me off.

My worst experience of a child minder was at a playgroup. She was at the serving hatch talking to the woman that does the teas and her cabaret who was almost 4 was asking to go to the toilet. She was actively ignoring him despite his pleas. He started tugging at her clothes saying he needed a wee, she was still slobbering away. Eventually he wet himself. He was really upset.

I couldn’t believe it! Just take him to the toilet and resume the conversation later!

[snackarella]

Happened at soft play we were at too. They turn up, dump them in the toddler area and sit and drink tea all day. I’d be furious if it was a child of mine