to cry over my cleaner

[Sloven]

I posted this morning about today being my first day for having a cleaner and I was really nervous about it. I have joint and mobility problems and have been struggling with a 3 bed house and a DC for some time. Mess makes me stressed and depressed, and i work full time and thought it would be a good use of my income.

I stripped the beds, did a couple of hours of tidying this morning, wrote lists, went and got cleaning materials, and know that tomorrow I will be aching all over from doing a pre-clean but got on with it because I am houseproud and didn't want her to think I am a slob.

She was due at 1pm and I sat in and waited for her. I booked through an agency and did not have her phone number.

At 130 I left a message with the agency asking if everything was okay as I was concerned she hadn't turned up. I know things overrun sometimes so I wasn't annoyed, just enquiring. I have to leave for the school run at 250 and wanted to make sure we had enough time to chat first.

She turned up at 150 saying she needed to find somewhere to park. I pointed out some of the places where there was parking this time of day and went and sat back at my dining table to wait.

At 2:20 I got a call from the agency saying she had decided not to take the job on as the free parking in my area was too far away for her to walk. (It is 2 streets away for gods sake).

I was very nice to the agency - who are charging me £70 a month with £140 upfront to broker this 5-hours-a-week cleaner, and that does not include her £40 a week fee. I politely asked them to arrange me another cleaner for next week as I am working away all week this week now.

I put the phone down and burst into tears. I have been looking forward to this so much, having a clean home again, not feeling worthless or useless, being able to breathe without worrying about carrying a hoover up the stairs, etc. I was genuinely excited, put a pot of coffee on, bought a nice handover book. It seems ridiculous but having a neat home is very important to me and I was so looking forward to it.

And the gall of her not bothering to tell me herself but calling the agency to get them to cancel the job - 80 minutes after her agreed start time!

I am sad and cross and sore and disappointed and now have to live in this shitty hovel for yet another week. And I just need some flowers and a hug.

Tempted to take the £40 I would have spent on her today and buy myself some gin and roses.

[WellThisIsShit]

Ignore the posters who get off on finding a way to bring the OP down, in ever more fantastical ways.

That’s their issue. Not yours.

As for you....

People can be shites. You did nothing wrong.

Of course you’re upset that you had to make these huge decision about your most personal safe space.

It’s a massive deal to be forced, through ill health, to do things that you’d never normally have wanted to do. I think it’s something those who have never had to face that particular situation, well, it’s easy to be ignorant of that particular pain isn’t it?

Anyway, take the good advice on here, and the kind support. Ignore the emotional misers and such like

don’t blow the money on gin, keep it for a real cleaner, you’ll get a good one in the end, just takes time, patience and a dollop of luck.

[listsandbudgets]

Poor you OP, I saw your post this morning and hoped everything would go alright for you. The outcome sounds gutting and it sounds like you had a really lucky escape.

Ditch this agency, get yourself over to your mumsnet local board and ask there. Someone will almost certainly know / be a cleaner in your area. Also check local shop windows and notice boards - someone will be available.

My cleaner comes by bus so no parking problems. I don't pay her by the hour but give her a set price to do the job which she always does well and sometimes does extras on top if I ask her. It works well for us both. Five hours sounds a lot for a 3 bed house - any decent cleaner will fly round and do it in far less than that especially once
they've got used to your home.

And yes go spend that £40 on gin and flowers :)

[threesocksmeghan]

OP I ran a cleaning company with my mum. We often worked with people like you; frustrated and upset because they no longer could keep up the maintenance a house takes, and feeling ashamed as they don't want people judging.

We never judged, my nan (mum's mum) had MS so we know what it's like to feel like everything is falling apart.

Im so sorry this has happened. By using a private company you will often (hopefully) get a more personal touch. Many cleaners I know go over and above, I used to stay with one customer in particular and have a cup of tea and a chat (not on the clock obviously) because he was becoming increasingly isolated.

Manners and kindness cost nothing. And doing your job properly is the bare minimum customers expect. Please sack the agency and I hope you find someone soon

[Creambun2]

Get over yourself - a cleaner didn't show up.

Why have you signed up for a rip off agency?

[IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday]

Cream you sound a delight

OP YANBU

I hope you manage to find a nice cleaner.

[Cloudyapples]

Where are you based op?

[Sloven]

@Cream but she did show up...and then literally walked out and left me sitting there waiting for her to come back like a damn fool.

As for 'get over yourself'... well that's frankly damn rude. Being ill and needing help is a vulnerable situation to find yourself in.

[lazymum99]

A cleaner not turning up often brings out too strong emotions in people somehow! it is quite normal to slightly overreact when you have been building up to something. The only thing I don't get is why you are not keen on family or friends knowing you have a cleaner. There have been numerous threads on this before but I still don't see its any of there business what you do with your money. You're not enslaving anyone, as you can see by the fact that this one expected off street parking and possibly a butler.

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

Oh I know exactly how you feel OP. I had similar with a Cleaner about parking, and in my case the tears were hormonal and pregnancy related. Rather than asking on FB, you could look at a local FB mums group (sadly most are still called mums groups but are quite useful nonetheless) and search within the group for posts about cleaners. Someone is bound to have asked recently and you can use their suggestions.

But don’t give up based on one bad experience. It will make a nice difference eventually I promise!

[PerkingFaintly]

Sloven, it's OK. Those of us who read your thread this morning understand why it's such a big deal for you.

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

I think it’s emotional because we build up to this fantasy of someone sorting everything out, and in my case the day before I stop loading the dishwasher and just leave it for her to do etc. So if she fails to come - I have this seemingly insurmountable mountain of tasks to now do which makes me miserable.

[WellThisIsShit]

Btw Sloven you could have a look at this thread if you wanted, it’s full of nice people who would empathise with the unexpected feelings involved with our bodies deciding to be a bit rubbish!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3068955-Non-fluffy-disability-and-illness-thread-for-those-of-us-who-arent-dont-buy-the-inspirational-rubbish

[grannysmiff]

I feel total sympathy for how you must feel, but I also want to tell you to woman up.

You're a hard as fuck businesswoman and this is a business transaction.

You've been let down - it happens.

Sack off the agency, breach of contract.

Find a cleaner via gumtree and request three references.

[Lovestosing]

Wow, some harsh comments on here. OP you have every right to feel upset, sounds like this was the last straw. I am a self employed cleaner but I have also worked for a cleaning agency and after my experience I would never recommended using an agency to anyone! I like all the people I worked with but I have to say I have never come across such unreliable and work shy people in my life! The owner of the company was always having to rearrange, cancel or squeeze cleans in as we were often short staffed. Your situation happened on numerous occasions; if parking couldn’t be found right by the property my colleagues would often just five up and go home! I usually tried to clean to the best of my ability, however I'll admit to not always being thorough in a couple of occasions. Now I’m working for myself I always clean thoroughly because they are my clients and want to do a good job for them. I didn’t advertise myself I just asked on Facebook and got about 4 clients straight away, the others have been by word of mouth. If you like you can exclude certain people from your post so your opinionated relatives won’t see it! Good luck!

[Lovestosing]

Sorry, typing on my phone so I forgot to add paragraphs!

[Ermm]

I’ve a gazillion years experience as a corporate lawyer on multimillion deals, dispute resolution etc etc

Got totally ripped off with agency fees and also cried because my cleaner was so crap and I was so gutless I had to make up a reason to fire her.

Work world is so different to personal world.

Best cleaner I ever had was a personal recommendation - moved cities and never found anyone as good.

My advice - enjoy a good sob. Cancel direct debit or whatever to agency if you can - if you cant suck it up and take it as the cost of doing business. Ask for recommendations high and wide. In the meantime try another agency and you might get lucky.

I self clean now just because I cant find anyone who does it to my standards (which really aren’t that uptight) but I still hope to find someone who can.

Chin up. It’s emotional because it’s your home and your space and you’ve got some personal challenges. Fair nuf. Xx

[DanniJR1]

And don't clean for the cleaner. Totally understand the impulse - but you're paying money to save your energy for other things. Let the cleaner do it - that's what you are paying for.

[PostcodeJack]

OP, I agree with PP on the agency fee (way too much even if they were supplying cleaning products). I also agree that since they haven't provided any service you are within your rights to waive both the "introduction fee" and waive the month's notice.
I appreciate that you are aware of this through your work but I am also aware (similar job, different industry) that it's often a lot easier to negotiate on someone else's behalf than your own . I'm just the same.
One of the benefits for a wimp (like me!) are that any issues should be dealt with by the agency. They provide back up and for the cleaner, they don't have to deal with their own books etc (or the client if there is an issue with them).
Pour yourself that gin, admire your flowers and tell anyone who wants to judge you that it's really not their business. If it helps, when anyone suggests that I could do something better in my home, I point them in thw direction if the relevant tool/cleaning product/garden implement and tell them to feel free to have at it (even better, they sometimes do!).
So sorry today's excitement gave way to disappointment but, since it's given you insight into both the cleaner and the agency, it may be a blessing x

[LimpidPools]

Wish you felt able to say where you are, OP.

Just the general area. I might be able to help in the SW.

[PostcodeJack]

There were paragraphs in the last essay, I promise, they seemed to disappear on posting!

[Idontevencareanymore]

Oh op, that must have been really hard for you. And how ignorant of the cleaner! Must be good to have a job you can just walk away from if circumstances aren't perfect.

I hope you get a better cleaner next week.

[Sloven]

@Limpid not SW either I'm afraid

[Vitalogy]

The Midlands?

[harshbuttrue1980]

You decided not to bother loading the dishwasher because you thought she was coming?? She probably took one look at the filth and decided it wasn't worth a crappy £12 to clean up after you.
I have a cleaner so I'm not against people having cleaners. However, she is a human. Therefore, there are no dirty dishes or other disgusting things waiting for her - the surfaces are clear and ready for her to clean. A cleaner is there to help out, not to wait on your hand and foot. My cleaner has walked out on clients who disrespect her - dirty dishes, skiddies in the loo, blood and semen on the bedsheets etc. There are certain things no one should have to be faced with at work.

[Kolonya]

It's weird that people are getting shitty over this! You got ripped off, that's all. Find another agency, there must be others. And I get the disappointment, it's ok. Just find another one tomorrow. Oh, and don't make them coffee! It's a business relationship.