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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect "childless by choice" women not to be rude about me being pregnant?

30 replies

Shoobiedoo · 13/04/2007 15:35

I am due any day now and just met my new neighbour (we are the only two houses to have moved in a new build row of five), who on seeing my bump told me she was childless by choice and a new baby screaming and ruining her peaceful home set up would be her worst nightmare. Errrr...what exactly are you supposed to say to that?

My old neighbour, who is kindly watering our garden at our old house while it is being tarted up for the market, also childless by choice and slightly older, kept making nasty faces of revulsion when I put my hand on my stomach when the baby kicked me when I went round to give her a gift and thank her for her help. She actually said "Is the baby kicking you? Ugh, disgusting!"

I mean fine, you don't want kids but when did it become OK to make such overt comments or expressions of disapproval or disgust?

Maybe it is just my hormones but I was actually quite upset on both occasions.

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 13/04/2007 15:37

I was in a card shop this morning and DS was shouting a bit and this woman said to another women that she hated children and that they should arrive at 18, with a job and a flat. Im not sure how I managed not to have a go.

OrvilleRedenbacher · 13/04/2007 15:39

ime popeles raction to someopne being pregnant is nothign about you but all about them and htey rae merely reflecting their own parenting expereince ont o you

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 13/04/2007 15:39

What rude women! Don't suppose they'll be babysitting then. Don't be upset. Think of the lovely baby you're going to have.

madmarchhare · 13/04/2007 15:39

agree with the fish. Dont be upset.

OrvilleRedenbacher · 13/04/2007 15:40

i knwo i was very reactive hwne i was pg

Carmenere · 13/04/2007 15:40

Agree with Cod and loudly protesting that your are childless by choice is an odd thing to do imo.

suzywong · 13/04/2007 15:40

I think a round of Placenta Pate in a nice gift basket for those two women is in order a little way down the line

How very rude!

flutterbee · 13/04/2007 15:40

I had this at work when I was pg with DS.

I was told that it wasn't fair that I got time off work for my apponitments, that I shouldn't get maternity leave as it is discrimination against anyone who chise not to have children and she went on to tell me that it was her taxes that were going to pay for me to sit on my backside all day and do nothing.

I kindly pointed out that it would be my sons taxes that would pay for her care when she was elderly and needed help.

She was a nasty vile woman who I made a complaint about for bullying.

Not all childless by choice women are like that though, it's just with everything the minority spoil it for the rest.

MrsBadger · 13/04/2007 15:41

echo what cod says - their hangups not yours.

and think how lucky it is that such bitter, twisted old hags never did have children as they'd have been rubbish mums for sure

DimpledThighs · 13/04/2007 15:42

they are not worth worrying about - as cod says they are merely doing this and saying this as a way of justifying their choices.

You are pregnant - hooray hooray hooray - anyone who says anything diffrent can bugger off!

mylittlestar · 13/04/2007 15:44

they're the ones missing out on all the joys of being a parent.

(sleepless nights, tantrums, headaches... lol!)

but really. they'll grow old and lonely and spend the rest of their lives making rude comments.

i'd pity them. remember you're the one who'll be happiest.

and whenever your new neighbour is sitting peacefully in her garden and the baby is having a bit of a crying 'moment', take it outside!

NappiesGaloreeatsBoysonToast · 13/04/2007 15:44

cod is spot on.
they may well be unable to have kids and this 'front' of being repulsed by them is how they cope.

dont let it get to you.

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 15:47

i think a lot of is jealousy

even if the 'childless by choice' women dont actually realise they are jealous iyswim

or deep-seated admiration

good luck with your new baby x

thethirdwisemonkey · 13/04/2007 15:47

I agree with cod, what miserable sods they are.

LowFatMilkshake · 13/04/2007 15:50

Tose of you who have had comments well done for not biting. - I would not be abe to if someone insulted my choice of having children - who by the way will be paying there flippingstate pension for them!

I was talking to my boss this week about my return to work and he sked me about making up a lot of hours, which I would have done daily at home, in one week - equating to working 11 hours a day (without lunnch). To which I replied

XXXX, I've had children I want to be with them thanks!

He is such a arse, completely famililess - his choice.

Earlybird · 13/04/2007 15:55

Agree with cod. I'd just smile and say something like "oh well, being a mum isn't the right thing for everyone. Given that you feel that way about it, you made the best decision for you."

Original poster
Shoobiedoo · 13/04/2007 16:04

Or "Perhaps you should have bought a detached house not a terraced then..."

Or "Well I'm not too keen on living next door to a perma-tan with rather tasteless vertical blinds but it's live and let live isn't it?"

And as for my old neighbour - did I complain about her tranny husband parading up and down the back of our house in full get up, even though it freaked me out when we first moved in and I was cowering under the stairs thinking I was hallucinating I was in Royston Vasey? No, I just politely ignored it, and joked about it in secret with my friends.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 13/04/2007 16:05

What Cod said.

It's about their hangups, not you or your pregnancy. Don't let it upset you.

suzywong · 13/04/2007 16:06

SPRAY@hallucinating you were in Royston Vasey

nailpolish · 13/04/2007 16:12

lol scoobie

EHM · 13/04/2007 16:25

shoobiedoo don't stress people can be very odd. Sometimes people who say they are 'childless by choice' actually aren't 'childless by choice'. They would like nothing more than to be in the position you are now. Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy & count your blessings. Good luck

3andnomore · 13/04/2007 16:34

rofl at Royston Vasey thing....hehe..ever since that was on TV, I will not be able to keep a straight face if anyone ever says something about local people in my presence...lol!

Shoobie, don't let it get to you. Just look forward to that gorgeous Bubba of yours

hunkermunker · 13/04/2007 16:40

Think I'd say "I'm sorry your upbringing was so appalling you chose not to have children and to be ill-mannered enough to think it's OK to comment on other people having them" but I get the red mist.

(And I probably wouldn't say it - I'd probably just say "That's rude!")

DimpledThighs · 13/04/2007 17:00

I guess being a transexual 'parading' up and down in your own garden may be one of few outlets avalibale.

If a childless woman wants you to accept her choices not to have children she should accept yours to have children. Rather than feel the need to mention it.

OrmIrian · 13/04/2007 17:06

I think there's a kind of resentment that pregnant woman get 'special treatment' - ie maternity leave (I had to defend my own mat leave to someone at work who wanted to know why he couldn't have the same amt of time off to do what he wanted), others treating them with more consideration etc. I think that even if you've made the decision to be child-free (I think that's the preferred term) part of you feels that you are missing out on something. But stupid and childish not to mention downright rude!