Termination of pregnancy at 24 weeks due to heart defect

[Lifehasitsproblems]

I live with this every day. 13 years ago at my 20 week scan I was told there was an echo on the baby's heart but that there was nothing to worry about. I had a three year old boy at the time and this was a much wanted second child. My gp suggested going for a private scan at the fetal medical centre to get a better understanding of what was happening. I was told that the baby, a boy, had transposition of the great arteries. In the womb he would be fine because he was receiving all the oxygen he needed from the umbilical chord but when he was born he would need key hole surgery followed by open heart surgery followed by regular further operation(s) on his heart to deal with scar tissue etc. He had a 59% chance of living to age 16. There was no guarantee of the quality of life he would have assuming he lived to 16 and beyond.

At 24 weeks (it took almost four weeks to get the appointment for the private scan and i needed a few days to make the decision) on Mothers Day, as it happened, I was taken for a final scan where they injected the baby's heart to stop it then induced me so that I gave birth.

The baby was tiny but perfectly formed to look at. We gave him a name and dressed him and ultimately we buried him.

My son who was three at the time vaguely remembers the little brother he lost. One of the biggest factors in making the decision was that I couldn't bear for my existing son to lose his brother. WIBU

[QuantamBaby]

@Petmalex - I am so so sorry you are having to go through this. You are making the right decisions based on the information you have and the love you have for your child. Be kind to yourself and let others take care of you

[HellenaHandbasket]

@Petmalex can I suggest you start a thread somewhere too? Not because you shouldn't be posting here, but so that you can get support too?

I'm so sorry for the decision you have had to make.

[Petmalex]

theymademejoin thank you for responding. I wasn't sure if I was too late to join this. I've read every single response to OP and it is helping. I cannot put into words what's happening right now. I wanted to let OP know that if she had not shared her story, I would not have been able to draw strength from her and others posts and I am so thankful for reading them this evening.

[Aridane]

petmalex - thinking of you for tomorrow

[neveradullmoment99]

Don't condem youself. You have suffered so much. What an awful decision.

[Shmithecat]

Yanbu op. A close family member had a TFMR at 22 weeks after discovering her baby had HLHS. One of the reasons she terminated was because of the way it would've affected her then 5yo ds' life. It broke her heart but she knew she was doing the right thing for her family. I hope you have all the support you need. Please think about some counselling now. You shouldn't be beating yourself up with it. You did what was right for you, which is ALWAYS the right choice

[Petmalex]

QuantamBaby thank you so much for your words of strength at this time
HellenaHandbasket thank you. I'm new to forums and threads and need to learn how to use them. I was just so relieved to have come across such a similar story to my own that I just had to post

[HellenaHandbasket]

I'm really glad you did. I hope tomorrow goes as peacefully as possible for you

[Dodie66]

I know somebody in just the same position as you were. The baby will have to have an op as soon as he is born. It’s a herditary as his uncle had it too. Has anybody else in your family had it? So hard for you. Hugs

[Goldfishshoals]

@Petmalex I'm so sorry to read what you are going through . I can't even imagine how difficult it must be having to face a decision like that. Be kind to yourself.

[Dionysus78]

I can't imagine how hard it must have been to make that choice. You did what was right for you .

[WeWere0nABreak]

All the in the world for those who have had to make this decision and go through this. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, petmalex.

[BigglesBalloon]

I am so sorry for your loss. One of my closest friends and his wife found out at the 20 week scan their second baby had an 'incompatible with life' trisomy disorder.
They had to make the hardest decision. The doctors called it 'interrupting the pregnancy'. My friends wife had their much wanted and loved boy at 24 weeks.

My heart still hurts thinking about what they went through. You are not alone OP.

[Missingstreetlife]

So sorry. Talk to your son, share your grief. Do you have partner, where is baby father? Do you have photos or any keepsake. I know it doesn't go away but it should lessen. Sometimes worse at anniversary. Go well and be kind to yourself

[DaisyDreaming]

You weren’t unreasonable, you did what you felt was best and it must of been the hardest decision any parent could ever make. You decision was made with love

[Petmalex]

I am absolutely terrified. Not of the induced labour but how I'm going to feel afterwards. I had the injection for baby's heart yesterday so I know she is already gone which breaks my heart every time I look at my bump but it's the horror of knowing I will have to come home to a baby prepared home with no baby. The emptiness. All the plans me and my partner had made are no longer. It's so hard to keep reminding myself of why I have done this. I love her so much.

[Chinnychinnychinnychib]

I terminated at 23 weeks for hypoplastic right heart defects (plus others, they hadn’t seen a heart like hers before). Do I regret it, yes. Would I have regretted continuing and giving her such a painful and uncertain Iife, absolutely. Hobson’s choice. Thoughts are with you.

[Chinnychinnychinnychib]

Petmalex, feel free to pm me xx

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Petmalex you poor thing, what a shitty position to be in. I will be thinking of you tomorrow

[iamloading]

Hi @Petmalex. In October 17 I had to TFMR my darling little girl at 25 weeks due to brain abnormalities. It was the worst day of my life but we got through it. I'll be thinking of you. A few words of advice from my side, if you possibly can give your baby a cuddle after. We didn't want to but we're advised to do this by someone else and I'm so glad we did, I would have regretted not holding her for the rest of my life. Similarly take lots of pictures, they are some of my most precious memories. Ask if they will take prints of the hands and feet, we love these. Last of all take your time. It will be months until you start to even have moments of feeling ok, and that's perfectly normal. Don't put any pressure on yourself and take each day as it comes xx

[FlissMumsnet]

Petmalex - we're so sorry to hear what you're having to cope with right now.

If you'd like to begin your own thread please do so but if that's too difficult right now we understand and we hope you'll find the outpouring of support and compassion here helpful.

from all at MNHQ

[BewareOfDragons]

Of course you weren't unreasonable. If you have any doubts about that, please seek some counselling. You haven't done anything wrong.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

[Spartacunt]

There's another thread on here today about how MN isn't encouraging or kind enough. To that poster, this is why MN is so brilliant - I'm so in awe of the honesty and empathy on this thread and I hope it brings you the comfort you deserve OP. No-one could possibly judge you harshly for your decision- time to forgive yourself now. X

[Pikehau]

to you all who have or are having to go through this. It literally must be heartbreaking.

Op no wise words but YANBU. The % of death was huge. I can only imagine what login with that knowlege would have done to you.

You would have not been the mother you are to your first son if you had gone through surgeries and everyday faced loosing your second.

Be kind to yourself xxx