I live with this every day. 13 years ago at my 20 week scan I was told there was an echo on the baby's heart but that there was nothing to worry about. I had a three year old boy at the time and this was a much wanted second child. My gp suggested going for a private scan at the fetal medical centre to get a better understanding of what was happening. I was told that the baby, a boy, had transposition of the great arteries. In the womb he would be fine because he was receiving all the oxygen he needed from the umbilical chord but when he was born he would need key hole surgery followed by open heart surgery followed by regular further operation(s) on his heart to deal with scar tissue etc. He had a 59% chance of living to age 16. There was no guarantee of the quality of life he would have assuming he lived to 16 and beyond.
At 24 weeks (it took almost four weeks to get the appointment for the private scan and i needed a few days to make the decision) on Mothers Day, as it happened, I was taken for a final scan where they injected the baby's heart to stop it then induced me so that I gave birth.
The baby was tiny but perfectly formed to look at. We gave him a name and dressed him and ultimately we buried him.
My son who was three at the time vaguely remembers the little brother he lost. One of the biggest factors in making the decision was that I couldn't bear for my existing son to lose his brother. WIBU
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AIBU?
Termination of pregnancy at 24 weeks due to heart defect
Lifehasitsproblems · 14/10/2017 22:55
Oh wow, no WAY were you being unreasonable. The wee mite would not have lived past 16, your other child may have struggled with the demands of the sibling who was ill all the time, and then he would have lost him later on, which would have been worse.
13 years and this is still getting to you? 
You poor thing. Have you spoke to anyone about this? Does your son mention him? Did you have any more kids?
It happened on mothers day too - ouch!
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Op I had the almost identical decision to make 11years ago, I had 2 under 2 and I felt like someone had just deemed me God. A position** I neither applied for or wanted, doctors suddenly became unable to give me any certainty what was the right call and family all said “ we will support you whatever you decide.” I wished and hoped someone would just make the call for me. However I thought of my unborn child quality of life and my children already here and the effect on them.
Do I still question my decision? Yes every day but it was still the right one for us all.
I do light a candle for infant loss but I fear mentioning why as I decided to ‘lose’ my child and have been met with some anger when I’ve spoken to others ( group therapy )
for you and so much love in a unmumsnetty way
You did what you felt was right. That's all any of us can do.
I'm not sure if it's this time of year (babyloss awareness week at the moment) that's made you ask the question, but do you think you'd benefit from talking to someone to process it all? Losing a child is so hard.
Sending you
YWNBU at all OP. A family member went through similar (HLHS discovered at 20 week scan, termination at 22 weeks). It's so so sad. But she made her choice based on what was best for her and her other ds who was 5 at the time. for you. Be kind to yourself x
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