OK...long story short...I ended my relationship last night. I was seeing possibly the loveliest man in the world, I am crazy about him. The problem was that he only split up with his wife earlier this year, and the arrangement to begin with was that she was going to have the 3 children 3 nights a week. She was the one that left the family home, after an affair. When that was the arrangement she would generally try to wriggle out of having the dc whenever possible, and not have them at all or trim one or two days off. Over the summer holidays she basically didn't see them at all, and it got to the point where the dc didn't actually want to go to hers anyway as she hadn't made any effort to make her new house a home, and was often physically abusive towards them.
The piece de resistance came last month when she announced that she was moving 150 miles away to live with her new bf into a one bedroom flat, and dumped all the stuff she did have for the dc at my bf's house on the way. For all intents and purposes, she has started a new life, conveniently taking no responsibility for the fact she has 3 dc.
Even before that I hardly got to spend any time with my bf, as he has been desperately trying to make it all ok for his dc, and isn't even prepared to get a babysitter for the night as he is concerned that they are going to feel unwanted by him too. Now that his ex has completely buggered off, that has gone from bad to worse and we were not spending any time at all with each other. I was feeling quite miserable about the situation, I would like a partner who I can actually spend time with once in a while, and whilst I have been completely supportive and understanding throughout, I came to the very sad conclusion last night that it was going to be a long time before the dust had settled enough for him to be able to find time in his life for a relationship, so we had a very calm and sad conversation which led to the relationship being over, at least for now, while he sorts his shit out.
I woke up this morning feeling really sad, it felt like the most counter intuitive thing in the world to end it with him as he was such a genuinely great bloke, so I just whatsapped him with a sad face emoji. Didn't get a response, but he was online a couple of times this morning. Hasn't been online since just after midday, which is very unusual for him. I am really worried - last night when I spoke to him he was in a pretty dark place and talking about topping himself or just dumping the kids on his ex and leaving her to deal with it all instead of him (I am fairly certain he wouldn't ever do that as his kids are his world, but he is really struggling to cope at the moment). I sent him a message this afternoon asking if he's ok, no response and he hasn't seen it. t tried calling him about an hour ago, with no response, and sent him another message just asking me to let him know that he's ok. He hasn't seen it. Now I'm really worried that he's done something stupid and am tempted to drive to his, which is half an hour away, just to see if he's ok. I don't know if that's a really bad idea though. We didn't leave things on bad terms last night but it got late and he said he would speak to me today. I'm worried. Sorry this is all a bit garbled, it's all a bit complicated. Should I leave it or go there? Even if it's just to see if his car is there and lights are on?
AIBU?
to go and see if he's ok?
WildBelle · 05/10/2017 21:00
I would OP / given what you said
What a sad situation.
By the way I went to a wedding where a woman recently married a man who was left holding the babies - took many many years
Be a friend and check he is OK and wishing you both the best 
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Deep breaths OP 
I understand and empathise , try and sleep now . So he is OK then?
OP I think you have done nothing wrong
It's a very very hard time to be in a relationship and neither of you are in the right place for it now
And as you said he needs to focus on his kids
And your heart is broken which sucks
It's maybe not a helpful suggestion but it would be better if you could become supportive friends - but maybe impossible given all that's gone on
Hard times 
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💐I'm sorry you've had to put up with so much stupidity & shit on your thread. MN never used to be like this. It's getting worse all the time.
I'm sorry it's worked out like this with your exbf. It's really sad for all of you. I don't understand how a parent can just walk away from their kids. My friends wife upped & left him & their two gorgeous kids to go to the other side of the world to be with a bloke she'd gone out with when she was 17. They ended up in touch through both being on a mutual friends Facebook and 'reconnected' 
. Absolute bloody madness. My friend was devastated. The kids were beside themselves.
You have done the best thing. If you'd been together longer you might could have gone the other way & moved in but you hardly know each other, so you couldn't do that.
Life's shit sometimes. You'll be ok though, you'll meet someone lovely.
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We only met in the spring so not that long but the times we did see each other were great, there was literally nothing about him that I found annoying or didn't like, we'd never run out of stuff to talk about, we had such a laugh and without shadow of a doubt it was the best sex I've ever had (and I've been around the block once or twice ).
I don't think he's drama lama-ing, I think he's genuinely at the end of his tether. He's trying to make it all perfect for the dc and it's to his own detriment. He's so stressed out about money - obviously he can't work much now he has the dc full time, and his ex won't pay any maintenance.
But I think ending it was the only way he's going to hit rock bottom loneliness wise and realise that if he does want a relationship he is going to have to occasionally make arrangements for the dc to be looked after by someone else to enable that to happen. At the moment he feels too guilty about leaving them for that. For example, about a month ago there was a party we went to, I was super excited because he'd got his mum to come and stay so he could go and stay out all night. He told me that his mum was happy to have the kids until lunchtime the next day. Great I thought, not only do we actually get to sleep in the same bed, but we can have a leisurely morning, cook breakfast, you know, normal things. But then he woke up at 8.30am and left because one of his dc had a sports event and he felt bad about not being there to watch (for context, his dc have sports events every week and his dm had said she was happy to watch this one, so it's not like his dc had no-one there). But he felt too bad and cut short what was a very rare time for us to spend together. I get it, I didn't give him a hard time, but it did hurt a bit.
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