To feel bored and lonely as a SAHM?

[WhyamIBoredathome]

I stopped working after my second was born, I wanted to go part time but couldn't make it work with my job so decided to leave and spend some time with my kids while they are little - they are now 18 months and 3.
I love my kids and I don't want to sound ungrateful at all because I know I'm extremely lucky being able to spend this time with them where others would not have this luxury.
However, if I am brutally honest with myself, I find being a sahm pretty boring a lot of the time. There's only so much lego/dinosaurs /tea parties I can play in a day. And now I feel guilty for feeling like this. I feel like I need some sort of mental stimulation, which playdoh is just not providing me with.
I also feel lonely -we moved to a new area recently and so most days I have no adult conversation until OH gets home at 6.30pm but he usually has to work in the evening so Many nights he's in the study working while I'm alone. I haven't been able to meet people at toddler groups recently as my eldest has outgrown all the stuff in our area so I had to stop going until he starts preschool next week. Other mums seem to arrive at the park together in groups ( I guss maybe NCT/antenatal) and clearly know each other so I don't feel like I can just start chatting to them.
I've started hobby one evening a week FYI, but have only been to a couple of sessions so far so not got to know anyone properly yet.

Does anyone else feel like this about being a sahm? Am I am awful person for feeling like this? I do want to be at home with my kids and I love watching them grow up but I just feel like my brain needs something to do. should I just take up a daily crossword or sudoku?

Almost everyone, universally, thinks being a SAHM is boring and lonely. I am baffled as to why you feel that your feelings are unusual.

Working for someone other than your own children is really important and valuable for most people.

Some SAHM are happy I am sure, but most people aren't SAHM.

That's quite a depressing view Kimmy. Most people around here are SAHM for a few years at least and then often end up part time when kids start school.

I found aspects of it boring and depressing just as I did work! Other times I've found real joy in the time I had with my children.

I think it's like any big move or adjustment it can take time to settle and find some groups you enjoy.

Don't worry OP - you will definitely meet people once your youngest starts preschool and it will give you a break (from one of them at least)! I think the ages your two are at now is the most relentless combination, but it will get easier.
I'm sure you're doing a great job and adjusting to a new area is never easy. The good news is, it's far easier to make friends with kids than without.
They'll be in school one day soon and you'll wonder where the time went. Plus you'll miss these days, before all the pressure of school, homework deadlines, etc set in.
Being a SAHM can be boring and it's hard to provide structure and feel motivated sometimes - but at least your time is yours and you have flexibility. It's a different kind of stress to rushing out the door, dropping kids off with a childminder, etc and having to rush home.
When you do get a minute, be selfish and make the most of it, even if it's just a long bath or Netflix. Take the little one to lots of groups once the elder one is in pre school and just go with it.

"Almost everyone, universally, thinks being a SAHM is boring and lonely..."

Er, no they don't. What are you talking about?

I found it really hard and with 3dc the longest I lasted in one stretch was 3 years! That stretch was also the hardest as we had moved to new country.

I totally relate to a lot you're saying even about the older child being "too old" (he was my second as dc1 was at f/t school).

You may well find a lot more social openings for everyone once your oldest is at pre school. Also definitely make sure you pursue your own interests either exercise, Sudoku, volunteering at school or anything else!

I left my job to become a SAHM and it takes AGES to get into the swing of it. The thing I found most helpful is to have a routine where you leave the house every day. Join different groups if your child is too old for the local group. I went to all sorts of organised activities from singing and dancing to soft play mornings, to the library to swimming. I realise it depends on the amenities in your area but travel to the nearby town if you have to. The days are groundhog like but I am still relieved to be away from office politics!

Totally incorrect first response from kimmy, which I hope doesn't put people off from responding to the op.

PS and do some sport in the evenings yourself without the children do you have your own time too if you can!

In answer to your questions yes I'm sure other SAHPs feel like this and no you're not an awful person for feeling like this. Imho being a SAHP depends a lot on the facilities you have available to you. I'm a SAHM to 2 dc (just 2 and 3.9)and I love it but there are lots of thing to do in my area. There are perhaps 10 parks I take them to(a couple of woodland ones, play ones, a nature type place), 3 libraries, a small but nice National Trust property with a great garden, a children's centre, museums, toddler groups. I don't drive so some of these need a fair bit of public transport but it's not like we have a rigid timetable to hold to.

I have also met some friends at toddler groups which I quite enjoy.

I can't say I'm never bored but neither can anyone I know who works!

Thanks for the answers. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
We used to live in a big city so had a huge range of stuff open to us, and it was easy to do something different every day within walking distance.
Where I live now there is a lot less variety, only one choice of group each day - and many are just not suitable for my oldest, he's a huge and fairly boisterous 3.5yr old and I just spent the whole time telling him to calm down and not squash the little ones, which was no fun for any of us.
I haven't really tried driving to stuff further afield partly because DS is horrifically car sick and also that wouldn't really help me meet people in the local area either.
I do a volunteer role once day a month - but I'm working with different people each time to haven't really got to know anyone properly through that yet.

TBH I think there are two different issues and you need to think about tackling them separately.

Firstly is trying to occupy/stimulate the children to reduce the amount of endless hours you are spending trying to amuse them yourself. Not travelling further afield because you won't meet local people is imo not a reason not to do it. You will find as your children move through the different stages, the people you meet through them will come and go as they go to through different interests and schools. It is also really hard to have any sort of meaningful conversation with anyone when you are trying to watch small children. The best I ever got was a nice chat when a class was over or a chat with other regular playground mums.

Secondly, tackle your own interests separately and stay local if that is what you prefer or travel to do an activity you genuinely enjoy and look forward to and through a group activity you will meet people and being in an adult only group, you will find yourself talking about things other than children. I took up an exercise class twice a week and we barely mention kids.

I really struggled being a sahm with pre school children. Life only really improved for me when ds1 started school and I made friends at the school gate, plus had a structure to the day.

You're not on your own feeling as you do, it can be very lonely and isolating.

thickandthin I think you've described it well, I do feel isolated. Hopefully once DS starts preschool I'll meet a few people at the gate. Even a friendly smile and a hello would be nice.

wildrose you are right about it being two separate issues, but they are both simultaneously affecting how I feel about about being a sahm mum.
We do different things every day, rarely at home in the mornings, but afternoons my little one sleeps until three so we tend to play at home in the afternoon as there's not much time before I need to get dinner started and I need to catch up on laundry/cleaning/life admin.
The kids will play alone, but DS likes me to play with him because he's into role playing

Things at the moment and his 'adventures' often involve two people, and unfortunately my 18mo tends not to cooperate with his imaginary scenarios.

I don't know what to say to you OP. I also left work because I could t do it part time and full time was just too much.

I thought from your original post that you didn't go to any groups because your eldest was bored of them/outgrew them which is why I suggested swimming and the library etc. You then said you spend the mornings outside the house. What do you do during this time? If you visit a playground can you go around the same time every day as I found people stick to a routine and the same people go there around the same time every day. Personally I find playgrounds mind numbing so tend to limit our time there to half an hour and structured other activities for every morning of the week. We did music one day, swimming the next, art another, library another......

Others will disagree but I don't see anything wrong with putting on the tv for an hour for your older child while the youngest naps and using that time to give yourself a rest just like you would take a lunch break if you were working.

I am a sahm to my 3 yr old and 20 month old. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and my DH is currently away for a week!! I'm finding this week particularly hard!! We also moved to an new area and I have really struggled to find new friends. We have actually decided to move back as I found it quite depressing without the support system I had built up around me.

I think as pp have said the biggest thing is routine and keeping busy. I try and go to groups and activities as much as possible. My eldest is not starting preschool until we move now so having them both at home all day every day is just too much. I have to get out and about. I've also joined a gym, I've found that it gives me some time to myself and I can also use it during the day to fill that extra time so we usually go swimming at least 3 times a week! I often end up chatting to mums in the cafe afterwards and just that bit of adult conversation and change of scenery makes all the difference!!

We mostly do outdoor stuff in the mornings.
Either go to playground, out with kids on balance bike /scooter, to a bigger Park with a little cafe, doing errands eg shopping or post office (kids do this on scooter/trike as it's close and I walk). We go to a messy play group sometimes. I can't take the kids swimming, local pool has a parent/kid ratio of 1:1, so we do at weekends with oh.
We go to nearest soft play 1-2 times a month when weather is really grim.

Jarox I'm really surprised you'd be allowed 2 kids that age in the pool with you, none of the pools near here allow it

Your priority is to find a friend (or ideally 2or 3 in case something happens like one having to move away)
Work out where like minded people will be and keep trying until you click with some,treat it like a job almost,the benefits will be enormous.
Look at local Facebook pages to see what`s going on.
good luck and please report back.

Our pool also allows it. One mum goes with her three children of 3 2 and a very small baby who has been going since about six weeks old. Kids must wear arm bands. They don't allow swimming rings and we must stay in the shallow half.

The pool is always quiet during toddler time. At most eight adults and their kids in the entire pool but there have been times there have only been two or three adults with their kids.

Ah, our pool is still quite deep in the shallow end, my 3yo can just stand but water is up to his chin. Tbh it wouldn't be safe to take my two alone, obviously 18 month old can't swim and my 3yo is very nervous even with armbands and wants holding the whole time.

bin85 I'd love to find some friends but How exactly does one do that? Even if I meet someone I think is like minded at the park or something, what do I do, ask for their number? Won't that make me sound like a weirdo stalker?

I do actually have friends btw, just none who live here and none who are sahm, although I still see them a few times a year for an evening out where we used to live.

I've been a SATM for 18 years and I love it. I used to go to all the baby groups I could find. All the churches in my town ran them. I'd much rather be at home with my children than be working in a job I hated, which I did. My years with my children have been the best

Oh gosh yes, it's groundhog day! And plus not earning any money sucks

Yes I've swapped numbers with mums in the park. Or kept going to the same group if there's some mums I've liked.
But I have to admit to starting work again - I disliked beings a sahm for all the reasons you described, needed to use my brain again, felt "stuck" doing domestic stuff. My kids haven't suffered from me working again either