Not understanding what teacher wants!

[Mumofone1970]

I have a summer born son in year 1.
Sadly he has taken to being a little disruptive over the past month, on and off.
Teacher calls me at the end of the day to inform me if I need to know as we had an agreement there is no TV time if he's behaved badly.
I was never in favour of this as don't feel punishing after the event is effective in such a young child and often he would forget completely the next day anyway and do the same thing.
He is being spurred on she said by one challenging boy who he has suddenly become close to and they are doing all they can to separate them but in the playground it's not possible so they are play fighting, accidentally hurting each other and so on and then bringing the silly behaviour back into class after.
I've now offered to come in and collect him after lunch and he can sit with me in the car until class begins again.
She seemed to think this was far too harsh, that never would the head agree to it as whilst he is at school he is in their care and they have steps they can take, but when I asked what the next step is, she couldn't tell me and said she would think about it over the weekend.
We have now told our son not to play with this child anymore as he is getting into too much trouble with him which has upset him as he does like him, although knows his behaviour is not acceptable ( and hasn't been since the start of reception but my son wasn't friends with him then ) so has accepted it although feels bad.
I'm just not sure what she wants! She's letting me know but giving no guidance on what she would like to happen.

[Nanny0gg]

If he's naughty in school he is disciplined in school. You back them up but he hasn't been naughty for you so it's not your job to punish.

And I hate this abdicating of responsibility at playtimes and lunchtimes. Of course he can be separated from this other child if they choose to do it and they put friendship groups in place for both children. Especially as they're so young.

You can't sit him in the car for the next 6 years, and believe me if they don't deal with it now it will absolutely get worse.

[Mumofone1970]

I know it will escalate but what do I do if they're saying there's nothing they can do?
That they can't make him miss the entire lunch break as there's nobody to supervise him and so on

[Quadrangle]

See what they say after the weekend

[OlennasWimple]

You tell them that it's their responsibility to come up with a practical and effective strategy to manage the situation that doesn't involve you coming to school during the day other than in exceptional circumstances. He's five FFS, school should really be able to sort this out themselves. It can't possibly be the first time they have had two children who wind each other up

[Nanny0gg]

What OlennasWimple said. They don't need one-to-one supervision, they need guiding and the situation needs managing.

[Mumofone1970]

Ok I'll see what they say following the weekend

[sirfredfredgeorge]

How can a teacher even know if "no TV is a punishment" ? indeed for some kids it could even be a reward if it generates more parental attention.

What does the school behaviour policy actually say - does it really say the first escalation points is parents enforce punishment decided by school? If not, what is happening through the first few escalation points - I'm surprised the schools policy doesn't have any sort of system where the children are seperated, all the ones I've seen have, and that includes at break times.

[Mumofone1970]

Well this is what I need to establish and will do this via a meeting with the head.
I don't want it to be seen as I'm going above the teacher but I don't think the way it's being dealt with currently will work.
She seemed to think a chat with me at home and a sanction would be sufficient to stop the behaviour the following day but it's not working.

[paxillin]

I'd generally want to know how the school deals with disruptive behaviour. A teacher so utterly helpless when faced with 2 six year olds play fighting ist going to fall apart in a year 6 class!

[Mumofone1970]

Well quite

[Cary2012]

Agree that if two little lads can't be managed by the school, then there is something very wrong with the school.

Don't worry about going above the teacher to the head, this might benefit her by flagging up training for her.

I'm baffled to be honest that it has come to this, two little lads wind each other up, hardly unique is it?

[Mumofone1970]

This is how I feel
It can't be a unique situation and I'm pretty sure it isn't as lots of chatty kids and a very boy heavy class so I would be massively surprised if it's only these two.

[paxillin]

We had this situation in year 2 I think. Teacher told me after school he had to move DS because he and Josh were constantly arguing in class so he moved both to different tables and they lost golden time as a punishment. Sorted. I also witnessed the teacher saying to another child "please don't sit at the back of the carpet, I prefer you here with me at the front". This boy was one of those liable to run off or fight. Again, sorted. Your DS's teacher sounds like she might benefit from some advice on how to handle small children.

[Mumofone1970]

This is how I imagine it in my head but she said the children take many times of being told to stop before they listen, sometimes saying " no " to her which is obviously an issue as its rude.
One then gets sent out of class to another classroom, misses part of lunchtime or " free time " at the end of the day but it still doesn't deter for the next day.

[MaisyPops]

A teacher so utterly helpless when faced with 2 six year olds play fighting ist going to fall apart in a year 6 class
Not necessarily. I work with y5 and y6 students as part of our primary outreach but I would probably find the nuances of managing y2 difficult.
It might be that the teacher is better suited to KS2 than KS1.