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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to move out when DCs are still at school/college?

108 replies

movingoutmovingon · 30/05/2017 23:09

Just wondering about this: would you move in with a new partner if your children were adults (18) but still living at home, doing A levels?

Obviously still continue to support them financially and drop in once a week?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 30/05/2017 23:26

If they're young, still at school, 18 rather than older 18, then it's unreasonable not to hang on a bit. if this relationships is going to last, then it can wait until October.

HopeClearwater · 30/05/2017 23:26

I'd just think Oh look, there's someone else putting their sex life before their children.

LovingLola · 30/05/2017 23:26

Given that your user name is 'movingoutmovingon' I think it's you (even though you claim it's not you).
And I think it's a shitty thing to do - leaving an 18 year old to live on their own while the parent moves in with partner.

ImperialBlether · 30/05/2017 23:26

I would have felt very scared, vulnerable and abandoned.

HopeClearwater · 30/05/2017 23:27

Jeez. Poor you, OP.

WorldsacpeLove · 30/05/2017 23:27

No. Absolutely not. Although if you were happy for the 18 year old to rent rooms out in the house to young professionals then I would see no problem with doing it in the summer after exams. However I think it's sad they will both no longer have a family home with a parent staying there.

Would you be signing over the house to your children?

FlippinNorah · 30/05/2017 23:27

I wouldn't do it. For lots of reasons. The main one being that it wouldn't be in the best interests of my child. If they are already 18, why are they just about to do A levels? Do you mean that they are doing AS now or A2?

Original poster
movingoutmovingon · 30/05/2017 23:28

I did imperial, thanks for saying that.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 30/05/2017 23:28

Ok, Xpost there.
I still think it was a shitty thing for your parent to do to you. My children are 17 and 20 and there is no way on earth I would do that to them.

WorldsacpeLove · 30/05/2017 23:28

Sorry cross post.

Did you rent out rooms in the house? I couldn't have lived alone at 18 but was fine in a shared house from 16.

seven201 · 30/05/2017 23:28

Oh you poor thing. How old are you now? How do you get in with your Mum? How did your a-levels go?

FlippinNorah · 30/05/2017 23:29

x post.

No it's not normal. It's a shitty thing to do.
Flowers

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/05/2017 23:29

Just because some people can live independently at 17, and they are technically adult, doesn't mean it is the best course of action for most A level students, IMO.

It's not as if anyone is saying 'No, you can't ever leave your child' - all they are saying is don't disrupt your child's life, and leave them with little or no support whilst they are doing their exams.

adlertippa · 30/05/2017 23:30

I ended up living alone in the family home for my last year of school. My brother was at uni, my dad had worked away for years and when I was 17 my mum got a job at the other end of the country too.

I got through my A Levels ok but it was very sad and lonely. We lived in the countryside so I'd get myself home from school and not talk to anyone until the next day. I couldn't wait to leave home.

I'm now pregnant with my first child and have found myself so sad thinking about it all that I've been going to counselling. I've got a lot to learn about being a mum but I know that I will always, always prioritise being physically present for my kid(s). Obviously there's more to my dysfunctional family than this, but I would strongly advise against it. Just wait a year!!

Original poster
movingoutmovingon · 30/05/2017 23:30

No, gosh no didn't rent rooms out it was still very much "dad's house." It was my dad not my mum. We didn't have much of a relationship after that. His choice not mine!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/05/2017 23:31

Sorry - cross post from me too.

@movingoutmovingon - what happened to you was not good parenting - frankly, it was sheer selfishness on the part of the parent who moved out. You have every right to feel cross about it - and very let down.

pseudonymity · 30/05/2017 23:35

Have a (((hug))) op, I know it's frowned upon here. I was in a different scenario. Having a parent's new, anti-social partner move in during exams is also the absolute pits.

Ravenblack · 30/05/2017 23:35

alderippa Flowers

And for the OP too. Flowers Sad tales.

Original poster
movingoutmovingon · 30/05/2017 23:36

I can imagine, I'm quite grateful my dad moved in with her rather than the other way round!

OP posts:
laurelstar · 30/05/2017 23:36

Poor you OP. Very tough for you and not responsible behaviour by your father. How long ago was it?

blandnessgirl · 30/05/2017 23:36

The same happened to me. My mum went to live in Spain with her new husband when I was 17, just months after my dad was seriously injured in a car accident which he never recovered from.

How are you feeling about it OP? How long ago was this?

Ravenblack · 30/05/2017 23:36

*aldertippa (sorry!)

Original poster
movingoutmovingon · 30/05/2017 23:37

Oh ages ago! 17 years since I did my a levels, gosh.

OP posts:
adlertippa · 30/05/2017 23:41

Just reread the thread and realised it happened to you, not that you're considering it! Quite relieved! But sorry that you went through it too - my folks did it for work rather than new relationships which maybe makes it a bit different. Hope your relationships haven't been too damaged by it x

Anothernewnn · 30/05/2017 23:41

Wow. YANBU