AIBU to think it's unfair my colleague won't speak to me!

[OhJustPassTheCake]

So one of my colleagues isn't talking to me because I politely gave her a few home truths last week. Strictly speaking I'm not her manager, but I am a founder of the business although I don't own it, so I'm seen as senior to her. I definitely think I am too friendly with the staff rather than "manager-y" which I'm assuming is why she's pissed off at me, like I all of a sudden went all managerial on her when I don't normally lol, but I'm getting fed up!

But she is really taking the piss, she is late for work every day, like EVERY day, by 30 minutes. And she lives a 10 minute walk away. Those of us that liver further away and have children to get to school first always arrive before her. She is young (-er than most of us!), free and single with no responsibilities so she has no reason to be late. This has been addressed a couple of times but she never changes, she just gets arsey for a couple of weeks and then reverts to being late. She also is very lax with taking a lunch "hour", it regularly extends to an hour and 15 minutes, and lunch is supposed to be taken between 12 and 2, but she takes no notice of that and will still be out at lunch come 3pm or later. Her attitude is generally pants, she is very un-motivated and, as we work in quite a small office this can bring down the whole atmosphere. I've spoken to the owner loads of times but he doesn't do anything about it.

So the thing that's brought it all to a head is that she wants to leave an hour early once a week for 8 weeks, we agreed this was fine and we would alter her payroll accordingly. But when our boss was out of sight she told me she was furious about this, and that she feels it's totally unfair and that she thought we would just "let her off" this hour, and we're being petty by knocking it off her wages. I explained that A) if we did that for her, we'd have to do it for everyone, B) she has no room to moan because her timekeeping his horrendous, which if she mentioned this to our boss he would bring that up and C) some companies would say "no" altogether, we don't have to let her do it but we are very accommodating as a business so we don't see a reason why not. We originally agreed on a certain day that was fine, but she's gone ahead and arranged this on a different day, which would leave us short staffed. She made out she didn't see a problem but it's obvious, yet we have still worked around it for her. God I'm getting angry just writing this!

We are very laid back at work and I think she is taking advantage of this, she says she's always late because "it's not as if anyone is here waiting to beat us with a big stick" - like, what the hell does that even mean!? My colleague overheard our entire conversation and she says I wasn't mean, I was just honest and fair, but now this girl hasn't spoken to me since. There's only 4 of us at work some days so it's very noticeable lol! I think the answer is that my boss disciplines her for bad timekeeping but he won't! I think he's just hoping she'll get another job and clear off but she's worked here for 8 years so far, and I know she did get offered another job and she turned it down!

She is very entitled, and because she (in her words) gets paid crap (living wage, not minimum wage) she doesn't think she should change anything. But until she works harder she won't get a pay rise, but she says there's no point working harder until she gets a pay rise! It's a vicious circle that I'm stuck in the middle of!

Would like some advice on how to handle this, I'm not too bothered if I come out looking like the bad guy, I just want everything to be fair. This is really starting to bring morale down and I (or my boss!) needs to do something! HELP! x

[Weatherforecaster]

You're right that she shouldn't be late. I hate your attitude that people who don't have children shouldn't be late as have no life though (or that's how it sounded). No one should be late, children or not.

[TestTubeTeen]

"she's gone ahead and arranged this on a different day, which would leave us short staffed"

This is outrageous.

I can't understand why her manager / the owner / boss of the company would allow this.

If the shirt staffing was impacting on you, you could instigate a grievance procedure.

You could tell the owner / her manager that this short staffing is not fair on anyone else.

It's all completely unprofessional.

It does actually sound petty , in the context of her general behaviour, to dock her a total of 8 hours pay when actually she is robbing the company of at least 2.5 hours every single week of the year in lateness and elongated lunch hours.

I would point all this out to your manager, quite forcefully, and say that it is undermining morale, and must be affecting the productivity / customer satisfaction or whatever.

[NoMudNoLotus2]

On the other side of things I used to work with a woman who was early 40s, had 3 children who were mid-teens to early 20s, was a grandmother too, yet pretty much did what you're describing the woman is doing in your office.

If you're a slack worker/take the piss kind of person you will be whether you're 22 with no kids etc or 45 with 3 kids.

[Pouncival]

How have you created the business and yet are not in charge?

That is quite possible, my relative and I set up our own business but I never wanted to run it. I worked there and when he decided to retire, he offered it to me but as I had young children at the time I declined, so we dissolved the company.

[mateysmum]

I could say that you don't have an employee problem, you have a management/owner problem.

This employee's attitude is sadly not that unusual, but she is being allowed to get away with it and it affecting the whole business. This is not a professional way to run a business. She need to be officially warned and disciplinary procedures put in place. It makes little difference that there are just a handful of employees.

[schuylersister]

"It just riles me that I (and others) get here before her (even though I start later!) after already doing a school run and then driving 20 minutes through traffic to the office. To know that she just needs to set off walking down the road with no-one to sort out but herself gets my goat, that's all."

OK, but you DON'T know that. Absolutely her tardiness needs to be dealt with, but what I and others are trying to say is that you don't know what other myriad problems she could theoretically be dealing with that would affect her timekeeping. It's nothing to do with having kids, and the fact that she doesn't have kids shouldn't be a factor at all when dealing with the problem.

[Stormtreader]

People will do what they are allowed to do.
If shes been getting in 30 minutes late every day and having lunch whenever she wants, and no-one in management has said anything at all, she may assume that the business culture is that it doesnt matter as long as the work is done.

Its managements job to address issues. If they arent saying anything to her then they clearly dont consider it an issue.

[LagunaBubbles]

Shes doing it because she can. Some people will always take the piss but generally managers crack down. Yours isnt. Its not your business to be pulling her up over her time keeping, as annoying as it undoubtedly is.

[2017SoFarSoGood]

if timeliness is required to keep the job, then your boss needs to do something. It is an odd position you are in, but you have no really do have no power here, hence the (very immature) blanking. I hate people being consistently late, and cannot help but be annoyed at those who always seem to be 'stealing' a little time. However, if it is accepted as the norm, it will typically get worse. Only the users seem to take advantage of what should be a normal give and take flow for everyone.

I've now got everyone checking in and out using an online timesheet program. They have to make their hours, so if they are late they make them up, or the shortfall comes from vacation or is unpaid. End of most of the discussion (except where circumstances are such that it is critical they are on time for business reasons) Has made a big difference to the 'fairness' issue.

[rollonthesummer]

You're not management and you're seemingly not even senior to her, so leave it to her boss. She needs some clear performance management.

[Bambamrubblesmum]

I would tread carefully if I was you op. If you're not her manager or in an official position of authority you could be on the verge of being accused of workplace bullying. Monitoring a coworkers performance and confronting her on it can be seen as harassment. Feedback on performance must be through the proper channels.

[LavenderDoll]

You aren't her manager why are you telling her home truths and why would she ask you for a reference?

[lougle]

It's also a bit personality driven. I'm an early bird. I like to get to work with enough time to see the lay of the land, what the unit looks like, how the previous shift have been and how their shift has gone, and to make myself a nice cuppa, perhaps checking my emails before ambling down to the handover room. I might even answer the phone a couple of times if it rings, to take the pressure off the staff who are rushing around, trying to get stuff done before they have to hand over.

Some other staff rush in one minute before the shift starts, putting their wet hair up, pinning their ID badges on, making a cup of tea and bolting in to the handover room saying that they don't have x,y,z with them.

So, to me, if someone was even 5 minutes late, they'd seem really late, because I've been there since about 20 minutes before the shift started, pottering around, relaxed and waiting to go. To someone who rushed in one minute before the shift started, they were only 6 minutes behind them...it's perception.

Also, people who are never late will seem really late if they are late once. People who cut it fine all the time won't seem half so late when they're late.

[Doobigetta]

I think some people don't understand how a very small business with only 5 or 6 staff functions, but maybe that in itself suggests you need to speak to the boss and agree a role/title that gives you some authority to deal with this?

[LedaP]

I know how small businesses run. I own 3.

Why would you assume what people do or dont know.

What i do know is that the Op is coming across badly. She has been there from the start as an employee who made some decisions early on. She isnt actually a founder or her friend ripped her off. Its the friends company and she works there. But shr has put herself into a senior role. This can often happen. The original staff start acting like they are managers and make new starters uncomfortable.

Op the reason people are concentrating on the founder bit, is because you are clearly using to try and prove some sort of superiority over her to justify what you did.

If you have a problem with a collegues performance, you speak to your manager or boss. Not take it up with them yourself.

Your problem is the lack of management from your boss.

[Bambamrubblesmum]

I know exactly how a small business runs, I run one myself. My advice still stands.

[Parker231]

Have you started disciplinary proceedings?

[ScarlettFreestone]

You get what you settle for.

If the boss doesn't deal with it properly it will never improve.

[ememem84]

We had one like that at my work. Moaned about how low her salary was but made no effort to change it despite being given all the tools to improve.

She was regularly late and regularly over-took lunch and left early.

I was in a similar position to you. More senior than her but not her manager. I mentioned a few things to her to try and help.

She ended up leaving because there were just too many issues and she was being disciplined for lateness etc.

Absolute nightmare.

[AvoidingCallenetics]

Can you please explain how it is that you are not co owner if you set this business up with a colleague, or at least a manager?

[Nevth]

I understand why people say you shouldn't discipline her as you're not her boss. And you shouldn't do it because you happen to be one of the founders. However.

I did something wrong at work, I'd rather hear it from a colleague first before it's escalated to my boss. It looks weak and backstabby to go directly to the boss (although appreciate it may be different in different workplaces and no one knows yours well enough to comment).

My organisation is massive, and known for being very good to its employees. But this person would be shown the door immediately - and so should you.

[Botanicbaby]

OP you talk about the 'staff' as if they're separate to you yet you are also staff are you not?

I think you're the problem here and I wouldn't want to talk to you either if you decided to 'politely' tell me some home truths at work. Especially in a very small business environment where you need to get along.

You've massively over stepped the mark here by your actions and I don't think you come across as very senior or managerial from your posts either. So YABU.

If you want to raise concerns about a colleague's timekeeping or performance, do it through the appropriate channel.

Oh and its neither here nor there whether you and others are doing school runs before you get to the office. Totally irrelevant. Your whole post seems to come across that you feel you've got more important things to do hence if anyone should be late it's you not her as she has 'no responsibilities' which is a ridiculous attitude to have.

[honeyroar]

It sounds like the manager is as useless as she is, if they're not pulling her up on her behaviour. So that's 20% of the workforce not pulling their weight!

[Parker231]

If the employer doesn't take any action, they are as much at fault as this employee.

[RB68]

This is what performance management processes are for. Sounds like the business needs to move itself up a notch and get some processes in place for staff management