Everyone loves a MIL thread, especially when it is written by a hormonal pregnant woman. However, I do get on with my MIL and think she is a wonderful woman. This is entirely situational and could be about anyone. Unfortunately it concerns her.
This is my second child, OHs first.
I've made two before:
- MIL wanted to be first to see new baby, despite being told my DS will be. He's 6, has had numerous life changes including starting school while moving in to rented accommodation with my OH, moving in to a house a year later and then becoming a big brother 9 months after that. It was the one thing I had promised. If I were on the ward before afternoon visiting DS would be the only visitor for that one hour and everyone else can come that night. If I were on the ward before evening visiting then I'd ask if DS can get in earlier so everyone else can still come for the evening (elcs, so more certainty over timings). She wasn't happy and wanted to be first, while I was in recovery. This issue resolved itself, DS is first and that's that.
- MIL 'volunteered' to take a week of annual leave after OHs two weeks paternity ran out. I don't want this. I don't want anyone to come to the house every day while I'm adjusting to life with two, newborn routines, establishing feeding etc. Told MIL it wasn't needed but she could save the time for summer and spend days alone with both kids etc. Was thankful for the offer but made my point clear.
My issue is with nunber 2 again. MIL came to the house tonight and tells me she's putting annual leave in for that third week. She will come over first thing and put DS on the school bus then stay all day to 'help' before getting DS from school and so on. It's a generous offer but as I said I don't want anyone to come for that bloody long for 5 days.
It has already been agreed with my parents that my dad will do the school run for DS. He is self employed and has no jobs thus far that week, if he does my sister will step in. Before my mat leave they already done every school run (for the two years of school, due to mine and OHs work. This isn't new and the only change is DS having breakfast at home while I'm on mat leave as opposed to their house. When I return to work DS will continue with this routine) and so it's not too much disruption to DS established routine, which I want to keep as consistent as possible. My dad or sister will arrive 5 minutes before the bus, take DS and go home. They'll ask if anything needs done but won't stay for the full day. After school they'll bring him home and possibly stay for a coffee. If I need anything done I only need to phone.
During the day I get to bond with baby, establish routine and feeding.
I have no problems with someone coming over for an hour or two, when it suits, but not staying 8-4 for 5 days. That's too much, regardless of who they are. I've already told my parents and sister they will not be over every day and that's that. I am very introverted and have social anxiety. I cannot socialise with people for long periods of time on a normal day, never mind 3 weeks pp.
But now MIL has gone and booked the leave for this purpose. OH even said I didn't want someone over every day and SIL piped up "she wants to spend time with her grandson". I understand she does and I'd have no objection to lunch two or three times that week, coming over for a coffee after work and so on, but not every day for five fucking days.
I feel so cross she has disregarded what I said and booked the leave anyway. I will also feel like a shit if she needlessly wastes leave now.
OH has just said we will need to tell her that she won't be over all day every day and won't be doing DS morning school run (DS has a tendancy to act up in unusual circumstances and this would make for tense and shitty mornings all round).
As I've said it's not about not wanting her to come over per say, it's about not wanting anyone over for that period of time and it just so happens to be her. I have no objection to people seeing baby and will accommodate as best I can, they're excited and it's understandable but I cannot cope with what has been proposed.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant and genuinely feel like crying over this. Aibu to be so stressed and against the idea, not MIL hate but situation hate basically? Should I grin and bear it, as they're excited and it's one week?
