Does this make me an U miser?

[LockedAway]

I am pretty frigid with my income:

10% goes into my savings account
40% goes into my investment account
15% goes to my parents so they can enjoy their retirement
20% goes to "essentials" i.e. food, petrol, bills etc
15% goes to "lifestyle" i.e. dinners out, clothes, makeup etc

I own my house outright. The thing is, I have way too many family members/friends/neighbours who constantly tell me I should be out "enjoying life" more. I am not in the least bit interested in extravagance or partying or having the latest, fanciest things. Does this make me an U miser?

[WipsGlitter]

Unless your parents are very hard up, I'm amazed they accept the money.

Are you happy? What do you do for fun? How old are you??

[RomanticWalksToTheFridge]

My thoughts are this; It is okay being careful with money and wanting to make your money work for you, AND having a plan for money management that works emotionally for you. It is definitely okay to turn down asocial invitation to do something that you don't want to do.

'Miserliness' to my mind comes from extreme penny pinching, or from a lack of generosity towards others. I have talked before about someone I know who will calculate 'her share 'of a bill down to a single slice of garlic bread.... who will not order an entree but will filch some of other peoples, who says she won't drink (and won't contribute to the alcohol bill) but who will pour herself a glass 'to try it'. That is being a greedy miser, to my mind. So I guess miserliness is a lack of generosity of spirit... not profligacy, I don't mean that.

I am not sure the OP does sound like a miser - she goes out quite often, and refuses when she does not want to. She gives her parents alot of money etc. I wonder if it is how she talks about money perhaps? I mean, if you say 'No I'm not going to that posh place because it's a waste of money' then that might attract a miser comment. If you just say 'I'm not going because I am doing something else that day' it won't.

But the person responsible for the greedy miser remark (and I'd probably never forgive a comment like that) could be jealous. Money is a funny topic, and to my mind should never be discussed, as there will always be someone in a more difficult situation than you.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Someone who turns down an invitation to a fancy restaurant because its cheaper to cook at home is missing the point of the invitation and is going into miser territory. The point of a fancy restaurant is that it is a treat, something different. Its not just about getting something to eat, you are paying for the whole experience, the surroundings, the service, the quality of food, getting together with mates somewhere new etc.

To coin a phrase the OP seems to know that cost of everything but the value of nothing and that is a miserly attirude.

[Goldfishjane]

I don't like fancy restaurants though. Even if I had loads of money I'd rather spend it on other stuff or save it. If I don't use it, my loved ones and charities will inherit.

[Hotheadwheresthecoldbath]

Going to a fancy restaurant is not everyone's idea of fun so spending unnecessarily on it would be pointless.
Greedy people do not give money to their parents and people who say you are probably want a hand out too.
Relax OP ,if you are happy with your lot then try and shrug off nasty comments.
Kipperbang,spending money just so that others don't think you're a miser doesn't make anyone any happier.

[user1493022461]

You're missing the point about restaurants etc. If you only say no because its cheaper to cook at home, not because you actually don't like them, that is the problem.
Especially if you won't do anything at all because its "too expensive" or not worth it.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Great that you are able to save so much, particularly if you don't have a pension. I don't have one and will be screwed basically, so all I can hope is that I'll be healthy enough to work til I drop as I'm guessing state pensions will be down the pan by that time. As long as you're not unhappy in your current lifestyle, and as long as you aren't inflicting your tight budgeting on others (eg. suggesting you don't go for a meal out at a nice restaurant for a works do/ avoiding buying a round etc) then go for it, it's nobody else's business.

[BasinHaircut]

This is why you shouldn't discuss money with friends.

I think it is fair to say that people who have proportionately more than others attract negative comments when they won't or don't spend money on something they don't want or need to, as does someone who lives above their means. Bottom line it's no one else's business though, unless it actually effects the person who mentions it.

Most people are just in the middle and don't attract comments.

OP you are lucky that you are in a very comfortable position but my guess is that you come across as a bit 'tight' to your friends whether you mean to or not, and it probably impacts on them in the sense that they are trying to include you but you never want to spend any money. I'm not saying they are right to comment but that would grate on me and if you turned me down constantly even though I knew you could afford it I would question our friendship.

For example, on a milestone birthday of mine I was pregnant and so organised something low key - bowling - (that didn't centre around alcohol) and cheap to celebrate with my friends. One friend declined on the basis that she didn't like bowling and it was a 'tight month'. We are not well off but certainly not in the 'can't afford a game of bowling' bracket. I lost respect for her that day.

Do you see what I mean?

[user1493022461]

This is why you shouldn't discuss money with friends

You don't need to discuss your money situation to make it obvious you are a miser.

[Goldfishjane]

"Especially if you won't do anything at all because its "too expensive" or not worth it."

Hmm. I am very much an open house type person so friends are always welcome here but I did turn down a lot of going out in the past due to cost. I'm really glad I did, we have redundancies coming up at my place and I dint have to panic. Most of my friends are understanding about it, I've probably lost a few event contacts but I can't say it matters.

I became much more strict - from being fairly strict a,ready - after an accident,I get six months sick pay at my place which was lucky.

I guess I'm like op, mostly what I enjoy, the company of friends, doesn't cost, plus I need a bunch of down time alone. I'm never miserly in terms of splitting bills, I book film tickets and forget to ask for cash. I think there's a big difference between miserliness and not wanting to pay for a posh meal or club night.

[Goldfishjane]

The op didn't start out trying to discuss money with friends. I wouldn't start that chat either. But she could have lied which is a shame because why should she have to?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

But the whole point of the fancy restaurant thing wasnt that she didnt want to meet friends to have dinner but that she wanted to cook at home as she didnt want to spend the money. Thats what give the impression that money matters more than friendship because sometimes we do things for/with people we care about that isnt our first choice because we know it will make them happy and that is good for the friendship. Constantly saying no means that eventually they will stop asking and no amount of money in the world can make up for not having any friends.

[user1493022461]

but I did turn down a lot of going out in the past due to cost

You're still not getting it. Nothing wrong with turning things down due to cost, except when you have lots and lots of money and you never do anything due to cost.
The company of friends usually DOES cost money. And nobody likes a miser.

[Goldfishjane]

"The company of friends usually DOES cost money"

Are your friends doing things mine don't?

No seriously, I don't count the cost of cooking for others etc so I think in terms of going out costs.

The other thing is, because I'm saving for early retirement, which someone like my sister knows, I have got some money. It took her a long time to accept that my early retirement fund was not a back up for random stuff she wants company for. I hardly go on holiday which bums her out, but she has other friends to go with.

So I feel bad saying "but op has money" - she may well have lots but she still has the right to spend as she wishes.

[OhTheRoses]

Read more of your thread now op. I was in the City in my thirties and didn't like clubbing and gratuitous spending. Fortunately I met DH who doesn't either. We like opera, concerts, gardening, etc. We have chardonnay tastes and champagne money and don't eat out personally very often, partly because I'm cordon bleu trained and love cooking and DH (and our friends) love eating at our home, partly because as a family of four we can eat as well for a week for what one dinner at a top restaurant would cost for two.

We have a good life. Lovely houses here and in France, Friends of ROH, etc, but we are cautious with money.

Our lifestyle contrasts though with how dh was brought up. He remembers bing hungry as a child. His sisters left the UK as son as they left university. Their childhoods were mean and joyless. When their father died there was £1m in the bank. That is absolutely no way to live.

a lot of people I worked with in my 30s - high earners - don't have that much mine any more

[AyeAmarok]

What do you do when you get a payrise OP? Keep the percentages the same for a higher amount in each pot (including fun money), or squirrel the extra away?

A true miser would probably do the latter.