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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does this make me an U miser?

116 replies

LockedAway · 24/04/2017 18:24

I am pretty frigid with my income:

10% goes into my savings account
40% goes into my investment account
15% goes to my parents so they can enjoy their retirement
20% goes to "essentials" i.e. food, petrol, bills etc
15% goes to "lifestyle" i.e. dinners out, clothes, makeup etc

I own my house outright. The thing is, I have way too many family members/friends/neighbours who constantly tell me I should be out "enjoying life" more. I am not in the least bit interested in extravagance or partying or having the latest, fanciest things. Does this make me an U miser?

OP posts:

ilovepixie · 24/04/2017 21:58

I have inlaws you are pretty wealthy but they wouldn't spend a penny. We were staying at a hotel for a family party and they wouldn't pay for a meal in a restaurant, they would rather go hungry. I don't know what their saving for as they are retired anyway and any money will go to their kids who will blow it all on drink and drugs.

user1493022461 · 24/04/2017 22:03

The point isn't about what you do with your money, is it? It's how you treat other people. Your "friends" are calling you a miser because you don't want to spend any money on doing anything with them, or with anyone. If you're happy saving all your money and sitting home alone every night that's up to you, but you aren't going to keep many friends.

RandomMess · 24/04/2017 22:14

I asked if you were happy?

If you are happy with how you run your life and spend your time (park the "friends" for a minute) then good for you, go for it!!!

I would seek out some new interests and friends, it's always good to have other people in your life to connect with, enjoy spending time with. You don't want to get too carried away with watching your investments grow as your main hobby

Def ditch the existing "friends" you obviously don't share common interests/activities and they are unkind to be judgemental about it.

Original poster

LockedAway · 24/04/2017 22:24

FlaviaAlbia I know I probably am going to sound utterly bonkers for this, but to me it's just like collecting stamps in a way. Stamp collectors don't intend to use their stamps to send out any mail, and most of the time, it's not even about how pretty a stamp is but how many stamps they have.

That's me with the "investment" portion of my money. I just find it very exciting seeing how much I can get at the end of every year. Kinda like a personal interest/hobby of sorts?

RandomMess Sans most of my current "friends" I'd say I'm happy with what I'm doing with my life. Just tired somedays of being the nutter of the group that people share anecdotes about.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 24/04/2017 22:27

Just time to make some new friends! Would you describe yourself as an introvert? Happy in your own company need lots of time on your own to unwind? It's not a crime. If you are happy with yourself/who you are that is an achievement, I certainly wish I were!

HerBluebiro · 24/04/2017 23:13

Nope. I wouldn't want to go clubbing now if you paid me. Although I didn't know you could book tables..... I don't think you could at the clubs I used to frequent. This may be indicative of the low quality of the clubs I used to go to and why I do not enjoy them.

I guess though the question is did you decline to go because you wouldn't enjoy it? Or you thought you might enjoy it but you had been too many times already for you to fancy it this week. Or because you really wanted to do it, but if you went you would be over your alloted 15% for frivolities. And despite having the money this week available to you, and despite really wanting to do it, your artificial 'must save half my income' drive overrode your desire to do something cool.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 24/04/2017 23:15

If you're hoarding money just for the sake of watching your bank balance go up, then yes you are a miser. If you are planning towards a goal/charity/hobby/whatever you like, then no you aren't.

crispinquent · 24/04/2017 23:26

I wouldn't call it being a miser but definitely frugal. If you are happy then who cares what people say.

BadLad · 24/04/2017 23:43

In my opinion, it makes you very sensible. If your friends want to piss their money up the wall and live from paypacket to paypacket, they are not sensible.

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/04/2017 00:00

If you're happy and don't want to change,at all, then you may start to see your friends drift away.

My DD has distanced herself from one friend, after a disastrous holiday.

My DD said that unless she will set a spending budget and happily spend it, then she wouldn't go away with her again. Every day was a nightmare because of her penny pinching.

Likewise when they are arranging to meet up, my DD checks what she wants to do and if she is prepared for the cost.

I've become unexpectedly disabled a year ago at 48. I've done lots of travelling, partying and drinking, which i am now glad about. It would have made little difference to me to not have a mortgage and no memories/experiences. I'm glad that I've spent money on experiences, when some would think that i should have been saving.

I will be well again, as soon as i am, i will be travelling whenever possible.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/04/2017 00:10

I know someone who is a miser. It gets very tedious, but you don't sound like a miser to me.
I don't like clubbing, and I don't like going out for meals on a regular basis, I don't think that makes me weird.
I think its very generous to give our parents so much.

redshoeblueshoe · 25/04/2017 00:12

whoops I meant your parents

Original poster

LockedAway · 25/04/2017 00:36

HerBluebiro In this case, I genuinely am not interested in paying/going because it's simply not something I enjoy (also hate the noise associated with clubs + people in such close proximity). I do find myself penny-pinching (sometimes a bit extremely) if I'm close to my allocated 15% though.

So perhaps I do have miserly tendencies. Not intending to do anything about it but I do appreciate the perspective!

Birdsgottaf1y I spent a whole 14 months post graduation travelling the world as my graduation gift so I'd say I have had "experiences" at least. But the friends thing is a problem as you've said. Think I've declined a fair few overseas trips too because I'd rather not participate in their rampant card swiping. Maybe I should just start hanging around people more similar to myself I suppose.

redshoeblueshoe Didn't know I had a long-lost sibling!

OP posts:

MommaGee · 25/04/2017 01:19

Given your ability to save half your wages, I think it's ad that you're rampantly penny pinching if you get near your 15% limit and still want Rio do something. Life is for living and being able to enjoy the fruits of our labour is part of that. However it's you're money and unless you're doing down anyone else ie ordering the most expensive thing then suggesting an equal split, drinking water on your round and double spirits on everyone else's , then it really isnt their business

SnoozeTime · 25/04/2017 01:23

Yanbu. Your money is nobody else's business but yours.

LightDrizzle · 25/04/2017 02:03

"Greedy Scrooge"? Cheeky bastards! You are clearly generous with others.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong with enjoying growing your money, but I'd just be aware of the possibility of it escalating into a compulsion that it not life-enhancing. Red flags would be suppressing your desire to purchase things or experiences that you really want and that are affordable, because you have mentally set an arbitrary savings target it might cause you to miss. Accent on the arbitrary.
I think there must be envy involved for people you know to comment so negatively on what is in general a good approach to managing your finances.

user1491572121 · 25/04/2017 02:13

I wish I could give my parent some money. I think that's lovely OP.

ChishandFips33 · 25/04/2017 02:25

It sounds like your 'friend' was miffed you weren't helping subsidise her idea of a night out

As long as you aren't begrudging yourself the things you fancy doing or want to have then I don't see you as tight.

There's possibly a bit of envy/jealously rolling around your friendship circle

If they can't accept you for who you are then they aren't true friends

Enjoy your money - however you use/don't use it

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/04/2017 03:00

I wouldnt think you were odd if you had a goal. But you dont.

I am another who is wondering why you are giving your well off parent 15% of your net income.

Saving is great but what are you going to do when you can no longer save? When the numbers are not going up and you dont get that thrill? I am not saying you should get your thrill from spending, but saving and investing should be for a reason and it strikes me that one day you will retire with all that money and absolutely bog all to do with it. You said yourself that you wont change your spending habits, so why save/invest all that money?! Why not just give it away?

Do you have a will? Where will your money go when you pass, as we all do?

I agree that there may be an element of envy from your friends but I also think that there is also some truth there that you are more concerned with the balance of your accounts than enjoying life.

mummybear123456789 · 25/04/2017 03:25

Your money do what you want with it

Summergarden · 25/04/2017 07:57

Sounds like you're doing fine OP. I was never much into clubbing after the teen years passed and no way want to waste my time or money in clubs.

It sounds like you do meet up with your friends regularly, and do spend some money on meals out, just not as many as they'd like. That's ok.

It may be worth you making other friends who live less extravagantly, too.

To those saying why bother saving- the way I see it is that having money gives you choices and can make any stage of your life more comfortable. So what if the Op doesn't yet know what she would like to spend it on...in a few years time it could buy her the choice of being a SAHM, moving to a larger home, more holidays, early retirement, being able to retrain in a new careeer, plus loads more, without the option being closed to her due to finances. Good for you Op.

Original poster

LockedAway · 25/04/2017 08:54

PyongyangKipperbang Another point to saving/investing for me is that it gives me a "war chest" of funds to throw at the market when there are major shifts due to political reasons etc. Like the forex market the day of Brexit for instance. Saying that, that's another cycle of investing/saving again so maybe it's "pointless". This is what I enjoy doing however, so perhaps that's something.

I think I am starting to see the point my friends have been backhandedly trying to make though. It seems like there are two very distinct camps when it comes to people's approaches to finances, I'm seeing.

OP posts:

Summergarden · 25/04/2017 09:22

I think stock market investing can be a hobby and there's nothing wrong with that 😀

StayAChild · 25/04/2017 09:34

LockedAway could you build in a small pot purely for frivolous spending by shaving 5/10% off your savings and investments savings? Not for doing things you don't want to, obviously, but for purchasing desirable (to you) things you normally wouldn't or for throwing caution to the wind and treating your friends to afternoon tea or similar?

Very interesting that you give to your parents. Do they accept your donation without complaint and actually use your donation, or could they be saving it for you? I ask because I cannot imagine a scenario where my 2 (generous) DCs would ever do that regularly. We, as their parents are still helping them out whenever we feel the need. I think I would be very touched if they offered but I would prefer that they spent it on themselves and their future.

My DMIL made being frugal an art form. She was so determined to keep the ££s in the bank healthy that she would rather do without basic needs than spend anything. Towards the end of her life we had POA and bought/renewed stuff whenever she needed it, but her face was a picture whenever we purchased anything. Such a shame as she could have had a far more comfortable life, but the habit was too deep seated to reverse. Suppose I'm trying to say that her pleasure in life was not spending which was often commented/joked on by her family and friends.

user1493022461 · 25/04/2017 09:43

It seems like there are two very distinct camps when it comes to people's approaches to finances, I'm seeing

You're seeing wrong. Like the vast majority of human experience, most people are somewhere in the middle of a wide spectrum. Able to save and spend normally.

You seem just as judgemental about your "friends" as they seem to be about you.

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