Does this make me an U miser?

[LockedAway]

I am pretty frigid with my income:

10% goes into my savings account
40% goes into my investment account
15% goes to my parents so they can enjoy their retirement
20% goes to "essentials" i.e. food, petrol, bills etc
15% goes to "lifestyle" i.e. dinners out, clothes, makeup etc

I own my house outright. The thing is, I have way too many family members/friends/neighbours who constantly tell me I should be out "enjoying life" more. I am not in the least bit interested in extravagance or partying or having the latest, fanciest things. Does this make me an U miser?

[LooksBetterWithAFilter]

You sound a bit like my bil actually and it isn't miserly as such but does tend to it. They will be mortgage free in a few years, they have tens of thousands in the bank. They have worked hard for it but they never have a family holiday with their dc's because he says they can't afford it, their annual holiday is to stay with the in laws. Sil has had a frank conversation with me and asked that we don't gift her dc with money because bil is the only one that has access to their bank accounts and they already have thousands and she felt that money could be used for things like larger outdoor toys etc as after all it was birthday and Christmas money but he says no it's to be saved.
Their home is lovely and they aren't in rags but I know sil would like to take the dc on some adventures but unless they include home made sandwiches. It's a bit of a shame really.

It is a bit of a red flag that you will scrimp when you reach your 15% mark rather than dip in to your savings a bit. And if a lot of people have mentioned it then it suggests you do tend towards the miserly rather than careful.

[Trills]

Do your friends also spend their money on things you would enjoy?

And when they do, do you join in or decline, when you would enjoy the outing?

[Goldfishjane]

I realise my situation is different because I have less but I think if you enjoy investing then go right ahead. I think it's too easy to buy stuff and then wonder why you bought it. I don't think considered spending needs to go out the window just because you have more.

[LockedAway]

StayAChild I very rarely reach my 15% mark because there's not really much to buy, so I don't think an extra pot would be necessary. The times I do penny pinch due to nearing the 15% mark probably occur around twice a year maybe because of having to get new suits/blouses made for work or personal holidays or things around that ilk, so it's the exception more than the rule I'd say.

Re: my parents. I'm not too sure what they do with it to be honest since I don't ask. If it wasn't going to them I'd put it into the "investment" section anyway so I don't think it's excessive.

Trills Almost none of the things I enjoy involve other people (which doesn't help my "miserly" image one bit), so my decline rate for relatives/friends and basically anyone other than clients/colleagues is very, very high.

[HerBluebiro]

You get Joy fron saving (and growing) money for its own sake. Not for what that money can buy you in the future.

You deprive yourself of activities that you would like to do because you have a compulsion to save this money.

This does not make you a bad person. But it is the definition of a miser.

If it makes you happy, then that is OK. But you have to accept that others do things differently. They save for a reason, not for the joy of saving. And lots of people do not save at all, they spend it all. For people in those camps your attitude to money seems odd. There are of course people more extreme than you, who wouldn't spend 15% on frivolities. They have their essentials and that is all they buy. And real extremes they would avoid buying essentials. You are not there.

I think you need to keep your friends who encourage you to do things, to reduce the risk you'll become an extreme miser. Because life is for living. Money is there to help you buy things/experiences/life. It has no inherent value in and of itself (little hunts of base metal and paper).

Never use the excuse "I can't afford it" because you can. Blatantly. But be honest and say 'I don't fancy it, thanks' and if you do fancy it, but feel doing it would take you to 16 or 17% spends this month, really really examine what you are saving for. Why this compulsion to save when it stops you from living.

[SaveMeBarry]

Being honest Op I suspect you are being visibly miserly in RL judging by your posts. It's fine to not to like clubbing or spending on extravagant items but although you've been asked about what you do like the only thing you describe getting enjoyment from is saving money. You say you get a "thrill" out of it, you consider it to be like a hobby. Is there anything else that you feel such enthusiasm for?

Given you are so motivated by your bank balance I wonder a bit what your definition of extravagance is. You say you'd be perfectly happy to cook for your friends rather than go to an "ultra posh" restaurant but is it really ultra posh every time or is it just that it's cheaper to entertain at home? That can be nice sometimes but it's also nice to have an evening out.

Your money is your own to do with as you please of course but presumably you are friends with people you like, respect? So I'd imagine they are not a shower of envious or greedy arses are they? You say that you see the point friends (plural) have been "backhandedly" trying to make so clearly this is causing problems in more than one friendship.

You're perfectly entitled to ignore them but the signs are there that you are the friend considered tight! IME people lose patience with this because they don't want every meet up, meal out, city break and so on always having to be done on the cheap. That gets tiresome when you are fortunate enough to not have to do everything on a shoestring which although you've been coy, you clearly are. I think you'll find that your friends will begin to distance themselves if they're not already.

[Crispbutty]

You can't take it with you.

I believe life is for living, not saving to the extent that you miss out on having any fun while you are younger and able.

My parents saved hard, scrimped on holidays, and went without... my dad got ill in his 50's and was dead at 62. My mum had plenty of money.. but nobody to share her life with enjoying spending it.

[user1493022461]

Almost none of the things I enjoy involve other people

Then why do you care what anyone else thinks? You have no time for them anyway.

Put simply though, if everyone you know is saying you are a miser, it has to be really blatantly obvious to the point where people can't help but see it. So there is obviously more to it than you are saying.

[Floralnomad]

I completely disagree about the two camps as well , most sensible people who are able to are in the middle , they plan for retirement, have some savings but also live their life . The fact that you admit that if you get near to your 15% spending money that you will penny pinch rather than transfer some money from savings makes you miserly . Are you an only child ?

[Allington]

I had that once from someone I thought was a good friend. She had maxed out her credit cards, half her salary each month simply paid off her overdraft, she got the maximum mortgage she could and a house bigger than she and her DS needed... Saturday meant clothes shopping and she bought at least one item each time.

Then did the 'you're stingy' etc to me when I didn't want to spend as much as her on a joint present to a mutual friend, and I had recently had a holiday and she 'couldn't afford holidays'.

I value living within my income and the only debt I have is a (fairly low) mortgage. I don't care about having the latest phone/ fashion / whatever. Hate shopping for clothes. Do enjoy holidays, but am happy with budget options and long weekends out of season.

Your money, your choice.

[user1493022461]

I had that once from someone I thought was a good friend

But did you have it from all friends, your family and even your neighbours?

[BeBeatrix]

Can't believe someone accused you of being "tight", when you're give your parents 15% of your income. That's generous to an unusual degree!

[Allington]

no. But I could try...

[FlaviaAlbia]

I think, from your answers to people, yes you are a miser. I suspect you're putting people who say you're miserly on this thread into the camp with your friends?

So, I'd be one criticising but DH and I overpay our mortgage to get it paid off as quickly as possible, we don't eat out that often and do save as much as we can. We're not spendthrifts but I think you might think we are?

We have hobbies we enjoy and friends we go for meals with as we like spending time with them and food cooked by professionals. I think provided you don't get into credit card debt, enjoyment of what money can bring you whether it's security for retirement or whatever is more important than money itself.

[SaveMeBarry]

user1493022461
But did you have it from all friends, your family and even your neighbours?

Exactly. The Op is not describing being careful or thrifty in the way many MNers would, nor is she describing circumstances where she has no option but to be frugal which again is something many MNers are familiar with.

Owning her home outright, a graduation gift of a 14 month trip around the world, getting suits and blouses made for work twice a year, a war chest of funds to throw at the market!! This is not just comfortable, it's wealth that most people don't have experience of. I think posters empathising with Op might be imagining her circumstances are similar to their own but they're really not

Op life is for living. Do yourself a favour and loosen the purse strings

[halcyondays]

You must have a very high income if essentials can be covered by 20%. So perhaps 15% is still quite a good amount to spend on fun stuff, I don't know. But if there are so many people saying you should enjoy life more, do they have a point?

[Bluegrass]

I literally cannot imagine any circumstance in which I would be prepared to accept regular handouts from my (adult) children if I was already wealthy - it just doesn't compute!

Being treated to a meal when you meet up, fine (I do that with my own but they always fight hard to pay the bill themselves!). A nice present at Xmas, birthdays, Mothers Day or Fathers Day, absolutely. But accepting some sort of payment from them just because? That's just bizarre, why would they do that?

I can only imagine that whilst you say that they are "wealthy" you are firmly in the category of very rich! (Although even then I think pride would stop me accepting handouts!)

[Goldfishjane]

OP are you an introvert?
I love being at home with my friends, my home or theirs, but I don't like going out in big groups.

If you are happy and not penny pinching eg refusing to pay for your own vodka but will drink if it's not your round, it's different.

But if all this started because you didn't want to pay for an activity you don't enjoy, then just ignore the person and forget it.

[StayAChild]

Thanks for your response re your parents LockedAway. I suspect it is yet another saving fund in reality as you will more than likely inherit from your parents, even though that is not your lovely, generous intention.

I think it's great that you are asking for opinions as it means you are questioning your self and therefore open to change. Your friends must enjoy your company as they wouldn't keep asking you. Cooking for them is nice occasionally, but going out for a meal together, trying different cuisines/establishments is all part of the fun.

Sometimes, the most expensive things are the best value in terms of novelty and experiences, and will be appreciated long after the event. Eg a Singapore sling at Raffles is ridiculously priced but the experience and novelty value is priceless. Bad example, I know, but I'm sure you get what I mean. Try sharing some of your good fortune, in various ways, with your close friends and you will reap the rewards.

[specialsubject]

it is of course far more sensible to piss it all away and then be surprised when your job vanishes (because they all do), or you get ill (because some do) and life on benefits isn't fun.

Just slap the person who called you a scrooge, and tell them they are a pointless waste of oxygen. That good gas is supposed to fuel a brain, they seem to have a divert in place.

[Floralnomad]

The OP is probably on a high income but if you don't have a mortgage or debt monthly bills can be surprisingly low - our monthly outgoing on council tax / utilities / TV is about £500 and that's with a top of the range Sky package and we are a family of 4 all older than 17 . I doubt the OP spends vast amounts on food either .

[user1493022461]

ust slap the person who called you a scrooge, and tell them they are a pointless waste of oxygen.

Well ain't you a fucking peach?

[MatildaTheCat]

You don't state your age but I'm guessing thirties? I think you need to be a bit careful that this obsession with spending and saving doesn't ramp up until you are spending virtually nothing and sitting on a huge pile of money for...what?

Why don't you join a local investment club to share the fun of making money work but also think about how you might get a bit more joy out of the other areas of your life? Constantly losing friends is a sign of something being awry. Perhaps you are coming over as far stingier than you even realise.

It's about balance. I had reletives die in squalor, never ever took holidays yet had great incomes and pensions. Simply couldn't bear to spend a penny. Aunt would turn up to a party with a quarter bottle of wine, that sort of thing. Now that is a bad look.

[jay55]

I earn a good wage and do treat myself. But I know I'm not alone in thinking paying for tables/bottle service in clubs is pissing money up the wall.

Also on a normal month plunge most of my money in to savings due to volitile nature of my job.

[Bluegrass]

I assume the OP is not married/in a long term relationship as well. That can bring about a change in attitude, when "my money" may well become "our money" with the result that more negotiation and flexibility might be required.